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Not the Meme. by Rotarr

I love to read this "get to know me"-memes from other people and i wanted to fill one up too.
But...I just can't.
I honestly don't think anybody would care about my answers and i don't feel comfortable with some of them. So have something different instead. I write what I think is imporant to know about me:

The main thing you have to know is that i'm a loner with very low self-esteem. Don't know if by choice or if i'm just ass like that, but I can't get along with most people for a longer period of time (that's why i have hardly any friends, neither real or online - except some people who don't mind me being "away" for months and not writing anything. All the love to those people <3). But never the less i'm nice and polite when i talk, which is why most don't understand why i suddenly disappear and not talk to them again. (I'm actually sorry for that...) Only person who could ever really break my shell is Wolfy-Nail, who is my husband now.
Also because it's a big thing for everybody it seems~ I don't feel much like a woman (or as anything else). I'm more like a neutrum floating in space, I don't care for my gender or how people see me (so i don't hide that my sex is female).
Besides that all I care about is drawing. I don't have many other hobbies. Except reading non-fiction literature, fancy comics and watching creepy or fantasy-movies, so i can live in a non-real-world inside my head were can be whatever I want to be.
Because i hate reality.

The End.

Want to know anything more? Just ask me (ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧
If you still care to talk to me after that not-so-inviting text about myself...
Did i mention my low self-esteem? (・・。)ゞ

Not the Meme.

Rotarr

24 January 2014 at 03:30:37 MST

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  • Link

    That was good enough for me! I'm glad you shared. :)

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      Aw. Thanks for saying so :)

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    Mich interessieren solche antworten auch immer grundsätzlich und ich find es interessant, fülle es aber aus dem gleichen Grund nicht aus wie du. Eine Frage hätte ich aber noch, was ist deine Schuhgröße? :D Frag nciht sag es mir einfach

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      Maw! Du bist sowieso einer von diesen Leuten die mich länger kennen und mich nicht dafür hassen dass ich mal monate lang nix von mir hören lasse <3
      GOSH bin ich froh, dass es dich gibt!
      Und...Schuhgröße? Uh...ich glaub so...39-40...dank meiner Plattfüße eher 40 ^^;

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        Nein ich würde dich dafür doch nie hassen. Ich freu mich lieber über die Zeit wenn wir dann doch mal miteinander reden <3 oder ich dich per Twitter belästige.

        Und Danke :3

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          Wenns dich und ein paar andere nicht gebe, würde ich wahrscheinlich vereinsamen (gemeinsam mit Wolfy in meiner winzi-wohnung XD)

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            Und sowas kann man doch nicht zulassen, du kommst immernoch auf viel zu wenig deutsche Conventions >3>

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            Und sowas kann man doch nicht zulassen, du kommst immernoch auf viel zu wenig deutsche Conventions >3>

  • Link

    Actually your non-meme was as informative as some other memes. I think the whole point is to not take it very seriously.

    Low self esteem seems to be pretty common for artists. I always think artists are too hard on themselves. Just like people who are antisocial maybe just haven't met/talked to the right people yet :-)

    Anyhow, thanks for writing and thanks for continuing to share your art. Over here.

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      Hmm...Maybe people with self esteem just like to draw much. I would be hard on myself even if I wouldn't draw. I guess. But never the less it's shitty. I wish i could get rid of those thoughts ò_o
      Anyway...thanks for saying this was informative~and that you actually care about it :)

      • Link

        Maybe you're right about people with low self-esteem tending to be artists. I think part of it is that when you learn to draw, you learn to have more of a critical eye. All artists do. You need it to be able to create your own art. There was a great video on this over at YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb0g_gWrNf8). What the guy thinks is that artists have two skills: the skill to create and the skill to SEE. Most artists have a higher skill level seeing than creating, even if both are at a high level, which is why artists are often so critical of their own work. If you have the time, you should check it out!

        Also, yeah, I do like seeing people participating in the community. In a non-creepy, non-stalky kind of way :-)

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          I'd never actually thought about that until you shared...about artists perception/creativity. It makes sense!

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            It was actually Sycra's video that made me think about it, but after hearing it the whole idea made a lot of sense to me. And I have noticed that the more I get into art, the more critical I am/can be of other art. So like I said, it makes some sense that artists would tend to be more critical of themselves.

      • Link

        I think part of it is that, people that are introverts or have low self esteem find art as a way to express themselves! That said, it can make it a source of insecurity too, because you're putting a part of yourself out there and that can make you vulnerable ono <3

  • Link

    I can't fill that meme because... you know xD
    Also all what I can say about you - you are super-friendly person to us, so calmly and smart :> Thanks for info anyway!

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      You are two of the few people i can truly get along with, i just wish we would live closer together, it would be so nice to make artjams and stuff together ^_^

  • Link

    Far better than any meme. And to be honest it's done the opposite of being 'not-so-inviting' to me, as I struggle with the same sorta problems. That said I'm normally too shy to comment, especially to an artist I admire.. I've got no self esteem, not many friends, I'm terrible at keeping contact going, quiet natured and use movies and such to retreat away from reality. So I can relate. Just know that even though I don't know you personally and I've never commented before, I'll always be a fan of your work and wishing you the best~

  • Link

    Just means that people have to work a little harder to break into yer world, but it's worth the effort xD

    Do you have a particular comic you like to read?

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    except some people who don't mind me being "away" for months and not writing anything. All the love to those people <3)

    I certainly never minded. But then again I am someone who was "away" for over a year.

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      Yes. Because I'm like that, i don't mind when people take their breaks and are away for some time. And I think people who welcome each other with open arms after a years, without hesitation or bad thoughts are true friends :)
      That's why i'm like SQUEEEE to see you again :> And...I'm SO glad you are on weasyl. Will stalk you right away!

  • Link

    You know, it is all can be said about me also. I have a feeling I read about myself. Especially about the reality -___- also hate it.
    I found it very hard to start sharing my art because of low self-esteem. So it was sort of a feat for me, when I shared my first drawing.

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    Oh, gosh, I don't think you're uninteresting at all! I never have. I understand completely if you don't want to fill out the meme, but I absolutely would have read it if you had. :3

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    Texten sind schöner als abgearbeitete Fragen =)
    Und alle Liebe der Welt zu denjenigen, die hups-ich-bin-für-Monate-verschwunden-Leute aushalten. <3

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    I won't judge anything about this. And I'll still talk to you.

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    I still love you Ro. And I'm sorry about when we had the fight coz we both thought the other person didn't like each other :s Now I understand and I'm happy with it <3 I just want you happy

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    For what it's worth, from what you show of yourself through your artwork you've always struck me as a really neat person with a lot of creativity and warmth. :)

  • Link

    Awww, it's still nice to see some info about you. I'm glad you shared what you did. :) Yeah, reality is kinda meh most of the time, though part of that problem is a very human tendency to be obsessed about the past or the future - we often ignore the charms of the present. You are what you make yourself, and if you can be awesome and whatever you like in your thoughts, then (apart from physically shape-shifting) you can still be that in reality too. Just don't break any laws. XD

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    Ich glaube du brauchst dir keine Sorgen machen, weil Vielen gehts auch so (zumindest ist es genau so bei mir und May). Ich fühl mich immer schlecht, weil ich nur sehr selten online bin um mit Leuten zu reden. Ich halts einfach nicht aus auf Dauer in "Sozialmodus" zu bleiben, weil oft raubt mir das die Zeit und Nerven in Ruhe zu malen. Es ändert aber nichts daran, dass ich dennoch meine Freunde liebe, vor allem die, die es verstehen, dass ich oft distanziert bin. Meine Eltern finden es oft komisch, dass ich stundenlang ohne Probleme oder sozialer Interaktion im Zimmer sitzen kann und mich alleine beschäftigen lol. Das war schon immer so, selbst bevor ich Computer und Internet hatte. Einfach da sitzen und malen. XD

  • Link

    I think there are probably a lot of people out there with low self-esteem, but I guess it's okay. Also it's quite nice to know that there are others who just didn't need to talk about everything everyday and every hour. I know that some of my Skype-contacts deleted me because I wasn't talking to them x'D (Also because I didn't know what to say in the first place, except for "Hi, how's the weather?". If I don't feel the need to talk to someone then there's nothing important to say o,o
    As long as you're kind of happy with who you are it's perfect ^^ (though not sure if anybody out there is truly happy but at least we can try to be ^^) Therefore...huzzah for more people who don't need contact to others 24/7

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    You are never not interesting to me and I enjoyed the read<3 And special people deserve special treatment , no? I happily waited months not hearing from each other, just to have awesome fun and talks the time we both are around- its all worth it just for that- because its natural, and does not feel awkward at all when we meet up even after long time of silence~ Also how could i ever frown on the one person who gave me the strength and care I needed when I started out with shy and clumsy drawing attempts 3 years ago? If not for you, I maybe would be somewhere else with some stuff I did and I am thankful that we were able to meet up and do some of the things we do together ~

    Stay awesome, because in fact you are <3

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      Hehe, yes, even with me. You don't get upset or angry because I go silent for long periods of time. pets the sergal You are a really good friend. One of the rare few who just seem to understand and are always there when needing someone to lean on. :)

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        Thats is what friends are for happily accepts the pets, I am of a very loyal nature, and I cherish the few meaningful bonds i have made in this life- I am glad to get recognized with that by you - wich gives me even more reason to stay that way what friendships is concerned. It would be selfish to get angry at those who seek solitude every once in a while- even I take that right, and then I am shown that also from you, or the general"other person of the friendship" that is perfectly treated and handeled right: giving freedom to be alone, but getting remembered every now and then that these important souls are still there and do not forget you. That friendships are not about frequent time sharing, but high quality time sharing.

        I am glad to have you, rotarr and a few other ones around- you people make life so much more enjoyable-

        • Link

          Yeah ^.^ It's like.. taking time and being in solitude is a crime.. It doesn't mean I don't like people, it doesn't mean anything of that nature.. It certainly doesn't mean I would never speak to someone I felt comfortable talking to ever again either.. It just means.. I'm a bit of a loner. I've been that way my entire life.. so I really get where Rotarr is coming from with her explanation here. She's a lovely artist and has a really unique sona. I sense a great heart and a kind person out of her... but like me, she just... is comfortable being quiet and doing her own thing a lot of the time and that should totally be her choice. Real friends will understand this and not whine about it, others who require a lot of attention from people to feel satisfied in a friendship simply will not understand. For them, I feel sorry for, because while we are social creatures.. there are varying levels of social desire in us all. Some really love it all the time, and others just enjoy a quiet.. humble existence. :)

          noms on the sergal ^_^ You're a good guy Chiral.

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            You too man, Im glad we can share that :3 hugs I myself actually like to stick around with those i call friends over long periods of time, but I also need my humble separate time, I think im neither a complete loner, nor a super social being, I need both but i dont pressure my needs on my friends, just give them what they need, and hope to be returned with the same treatment.

            Just to give it back, you are a good soul too, stay that way <3

  • Link

    "But never the less i'm nice and polite when i talk, which is why most don't understand why i suddenly disappear and not talk to them again"
    Same problem here...
    Reading this was great to know you better, I hope you can get your self esteem up soon!
    And kudos to Wolfy-nail for beign able to break that shell, I know how hard it is as my boyfriend had to do the same with me.
    You´re a wonderful person, you know? Don´t let anyone tell you otherwise (even if it´s yourself)

  • Link

    What was the last non-fiction book that you read? I tend to go for history so the last one I read was Dachau 29 April 1945: The Rainbow Liberation Memoirs by Sam Dann

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    You may not think much of yourself, but I think you're pretty cool.

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    You're luck, you know Chiral IRL... that's one of my life goals, he's a great man I would love to meet face to beard!
    abut I digress... Been wondering, why a fly?

    • Link

      I got this question quite some time, i copy you the answer i wrote on my latest refsheet, if it's ok ^_^

      I used to draw a little Cartoonfly when i was a kid. It was my first character ever and it kinda sticked to me. Also i love the many aspects a fly can represent. They can be stupid, silly, funny, digusting, creepy, and so on. I tried to add a little "cute" to it too. And I just feel like this animal represents me most.
      I'm small, annoying and i love to eat sweet things. (that's all obvious XD)
      Also i love the dark sides about flies, their connection to the Devil (Beelzebub - Lord of the Flies) and the uncanny side of nature with death and decay and how flies can make new (unwanted?) life out of rotten things.
      Also they are VERY iconic. Quite handy for graphic design.

      Also...well. yeah O_o what an odd thing to say. But yeah, he is a good guy, yub.

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        d'aw now I feel warm and fuzzy inside x3

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        One of my biggest questions about you is now answered! :P

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      Do not think i didnt see that beardyfluff - I am looking forward to the day too, and I have made the experience that compatible spirits, that take joy from interacting with one-another always irresistably get pulled towards each other~

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        chu <3

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    I know how you feel. People probably say that a lot and don't really get it, but I think I do. I don't have many friends either, not because I don't want them.. but because I can't get along for long periods of time. I'm very.. difficult to bond with for most because they simply don't have the patience nor understanding. I'm not high maintenance and sometimes I just want to be on my own doing my own thing which tags me as an antisocial loner a lot of the time. However, like you, I have those few friends who don't get hissy with me when I take time away and just vanish for a bit. Love'em too. They're the stuff real friends are made of who don't expect to be entertained all the time and just enjoy knowing they have a bond that's there even when there's periods of silence.

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    That whole 'you can't get along with people for long periods of time' really makes me feel good to read cause now I'm not the only one. So I just wanted to say thank you for being brave enough to say that <3

  • Link

    It's fine if you don't want to do the meme. I think you're pretty interesting and your art stlye is lovely ~ uvu From all these comments you have a bunch of people supporting you~!

  • Link

    I am similar in a lot of ways. :x I just create personas that I can be online in order to break out of my shell. Haven't actually done anything with it in a while...

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    "...so i can live in a non-real-world inside my head were can be whatever I want to be." This. <3 I'm not sure how I've managed to make the amazing friends I have, being so reclusive and anxiety-ridden. I live completely in my own world, I'd spiral without it.

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    I just love you, girl, you know ^^

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    very beutiful text I must say.
    ghehe sounds a bit like all mine contact with friends too ghehe..

    just stay yourself :3

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    smooches big moth smooch ;)

  • Link

    I wouldn't say the low self esteem factor is limited to just artists, It would be more akin to those in creative capacities. I'm a self made inventor/engineer. I have several products I've developed, inventions, one off designs and productions. People tell me all the time that the stuff I make/design is amazing and fantastic - all I can see is the mistakes. It can be exceptionally paralyzing trying to start new ideas when all I can see is the mistakes and inefficiencies before I even begin.

    I also considered writing up a thing, but I kind of thought, why bother. But I like your take, I might have to do similar. :}

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    Geez where we twins in another life? XD

    I think your art is lovely and your personality seems lovely too :3 And I think having only one or two people who can "break your shell" and be very close and dear to you is more important than having a million friends who you don't really know and don't feel close to ^^ I mean having a lot of friends is nice, but it's not very..."satisfying" when you feel like you have all these friends but nobody to really "talk" to.

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    Über dieses " du musst dich immer melden" ist mir letztes Jahr eine Freundschaft zerbrochen. Das hat sehr weh getan und ich habe nun auch immer Angst das es nochmal passiert. Aber der rest meiner Freunde scheint kein Problem damit zuhaben. Als ich diese fragte meinten sie zu mir: "Wenn man mit jemandem befreundet sein will, muss man akzeptieren wie er ist und welche Leidenschaften er hat. Das heißt ja nicht, das derjenige nicht an einen denkt, es geht ihm nur vielleicht schlecht oder er hat viel zu tun. Wenn man sich das nächste Mal sieht und alles ist so cool wie sonst, dann ist es Freundschaft" Ich habe Freunde dir mir unglaublich Nahe stehen. Ich aber nur einmal im Jahr sehe, trotzdem - wenn wir uns sehen ist diese Freundschaft und Liebe da als wäre nie Zeit vergangen. Und sowas kann über Jahre wachsen und immer schöner werden. Mach dir nicht zu viele Gedanken. Du bist bestimmt ein besserer Freund als du denkst

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    Dunno whatchoo talking about 'not interesting' o: I did find it informative enough c:

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    hugs c: if you'd like a hug from a stranger x3
    Also wanted to do this meme thingy but yea, low self esteem.

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    The few times we've interacted you've been a beautiful, humorous, and genuine soul. Reading both your journal and the comments to follow really bolsters the belief that I'll be ok...socially. I don't think you're boring at all either, and love your duality as a flylady. :)

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      That you are still ok with me is amazing ^^, I'm horrible emotional and confusing something. Also...i forget everything D:
      But thanks for still being good with me ^o^

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        Aw! You know what? Likewise! I haven't been the most punctual artist and if I were, you wouldn't have had cause to act emotionally toward me. Luckily we're both mature adults and could sort things out~ I know that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows and sometimes you have to vent/lash out. Along the same lines, inspiration to create isn't always there, and I thank you for continuing to have faith and be patient with me. <3 I am going to do my best to make it up to you!

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    Ich tu mich schwer bei solchen Empathie-Sachen, daher hoff ich mal, dass ich dich nicht in irgend ner Form nerve oder stresse oder unter Druck setze oderso ._. Das würd ich wirklich nicht wollen.