I find this oddly relatable, but in a different way. I sometimes wish I were a guy, for the statue, the penis and no boobs... but I love my boobs too. Im glad I can like them, because I find the idea of being male a little bit more appealing than being female, but hell, I have this body, and thats fine. I had dreams of being turned into a boy when I was very very very little (Kindergarten age) so that was always a thing.
Yeah, just my little two cents here, I can kinda relate, and I think its cool that you understand that people are confused by stuff like this sometimes. Theres so many things that parent and society dont teach, so someone else has to do it in a way. I think you do that kinda? :)

ahhh I know how that is. I dislike boobs greatly.
I've been question on why I don't give a lot of my female characters boobs buh.
they are humanoid but not human so don't expect all the females to have breasts. they might not even be mammals? Lizards with boobs weird me out haha.
that or they will only develop them when they have babies!!

I can sooooooooooooo relate to this journal. When I was younger, and my mother was still clinging to the hope that I'd grow up to be a 'lady', I resented everything that she considered being a lady to be. I hated dresses, I hated the idea that she thought the best goal in my life would be to get married and have children. I hated that she thought being a lady (and by extension, being a woman) meant that I shouldn't enjoy sports that men played.

So I played football. I cut off all my hair when I was old enough to go to the salon alone. I dyed it a million different colors. I wore guy clothes because all the girly shit out there was nigh on useless (MY KINGDOM FOR POCKETS), I hung out with guy friends and the very few girl friends that were like me (not overly girly or preppy, a lot of them were tech nerds and we were best buds).

When I was younger I wish I'd been born male because, under the tutelage of a conservative catholic mother, it seemed that being born female was so very limiting.

But I got older, and my mother grew up, too. Both my older sisters stuck to the semi-traditional 'female' role that my mother had instilled in them (until now, but I'll touch on that later). But me? After a car accident nearly killed me, my mom kinda backed off entirely. She was happy I was alive, and it seemed like all the nudging and shit ended. I was able to be me, and it felt like my mother was learning to appreciate and admire who the ME in my head was, now that she saw it. I grew out my hair (because they NEARLY took all of it off because of the accident), I wore nerd shirts and baggy jeans from guys' departments. But I also wore jewelry because holy shit I like shinies (I may be part magpie or something).

Once no one was trying to shove female stereotypes into my mind, I was able to start thinking on what being born female really meant to me, and how I wanted to live it. It's still a work in progress, but I can say a few things with certainty now that I've spent nearly three decades as my assigned-at-birth sex.

I don't mind being a woman. I do mind that my giant boobs get in the way of a lot of things and hurt my back. But I also like that my boobs are soft and squishy and make for excellent pillows. I kinda like that my husband likes my boobs and (I'm so sorry, this next bit is prolly TMI but hilarious to me) starts banging harder just to see how much he can make them jiggle (lol omfg). I like that, because of my boobs, I can totally rock guy-shirts and they end up looking like longer, fitted girl shirts because my boobs make the rest of the fabric cling to my sides and show off the chubby hour glass I have. When it comes to art, I prefer to keep boobs on my anthro-self, but not show off big ol' rows of nips on a feral version.

I sometimes wish I had male parts, but it's not because I think they're better than what I have. I get frustrated with the workings of my reproductive organs - they have caused me significant problems through the years and the thought of having something easier to manage that doesn't bleed monthly and malfunction (hooray ovarian cysts ugh) is appealing. But I don't think I'd ever consider myself FtM, personally. The struggle with my body is one that is uniquely mine. I like who I am, even if my physical body is sometimes problematic. I don't feel that I was born in the wrong body, and I know that me saying that is a sign of cis-privilege - I'm not saying it to rub it in anyone's face, but more as a reflection of how I feel personally about myself.

ANYWAY.

I'm sorry, I got rambly. Your journal really inspired me to kinda dig deep into my own thoughts, so.. thank you for being an inspiration.

And you're awesome, boobs or no boobs. You are not your body parts, and how you choose to represent yourself is a deeply personal choice. I'm glad that no one has given you any guff for making choices about your character. Kinda makes me feel like there's hope!

<3

I completely understand. I love breasts...on ther people. I really dislike mine. I was a late bloomer and didn't even get mine until 16 and was teased horrendously- but I couldn't comprehend why all the girls were so excited to have their boobs at 13 and 14! I really didn't WANT mine, and I've considered in passing actually getting them removed. Going for a more androgynous streamlined look. And though it would have been nice to be born a guy, I wasn't, and I don't really feel the need for a FtM conversion.

Just like you summed up, I don't really want boobs, but I don't think I'd enjoy having a penis...maybe for only for the day lol.

But contradictingly, I also like my boobs, but only sometimes. My mate enjoys them a lot more than I do lol. And I guess it's like, if he can enjoy them and be happy, it makes me a little happy too? I don't know how to explain it.

So I kind of try to keep my character brasts at or smaller than my size. I don't think I have any over a C cup (but even those feel huge.) My characters could all be part of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee lol

This journal is so relatable that it hurts.

My fiance Blackantlers is an androgyne and our partner is genderqueer/gender neutral, I know many people who don't really fit in the binary ;3 sometimes my partner likes having breasts and sometimes they don't, but it doesn't make them FtM like you pointed out yourself. You're definitely not alone!

Except for during like, very specific sexual fantasies -- I don't want tits either. And as far as bits go, I want both. It used to be I just wanted to be totally male. Now I am some non-binary gender I don't even know lables anymore whatever. It would be great if tits just grew in the few instances I wanted them and all the other times weren't in my way.

Also the internalized misogynist thing -- seems more and more non-normative gender folks I talk to have at least some of that. I mean, think about it. You grow up with a bunch of sexist shit around you of course you are going to internalize some of that. I don't know though how often this is positively correlated with people that don't like their birth sex. But it /is/ something I find. People don't want to talk about it because its offensive. Well, too bad its a phenomena that is going on in at least some people with non-normative gender and needs to be talked about.

My porcupine doesn't have boobs at all, or other bits. There's more to being a woman than boobs and bits.

I totally get the gist of what you are saying. While a lot of my personal strife comes from A.) sorta wishing I was born a male, and B.) wishing I could be both sexes at once (so have both a vagoo and a penis)... or neither; I do get exactly what you are saying. And besides, when boobs get in the way all the time, the thought of not having any can be pretty great. Even I've wished I could get rid of mine, since they're large and restrictive, and can make it hard for me to do things. On the other hand I do like my boobs. lol They're soft and squishy, and jiggly, and I like it when my girlfriend gropes them. But... Yeah.

I can't exactly put a gender-label on you, since it's hard enough trying to explain and label mine. (I'm somewhere between just plain ol' genderqueer and gender-fluid); but I can say I mostly understand what you are saying. And I feel ya, darling. ♥

Gender is a strange and sometimes confusing thing haha. I share mostly the same feeling - I hate having these things on my chest and fully plan on getting rid of them, but I'm pretty ok with the downstairs arrangement. I dunno if it's internalized misogyny or not but I think we all have some of that inside us and it's like, do what you can I guess. I just wish non-binary genders were more known and accepted.

I feel about the same way. I don't have a very large chest and I still wear a binder from time to time. I used to draw my character with breasts which while they weren't big, were bigger than mine, because that was how I started learning to draw female characters. Then I started drawing her flat-chested almost all the time. Not all body types are the same in real life, so why should we make them so in art?

I've always figured if I was raised with stricter gender roles in my family (my mother only wore a dress for her wedding), that I would be a flat out FtM, but I got raised with the whole idea that as a female, I was still allowed to do boyish things.

My character is the same way. I identify as someone who is gender fluid. I am not very masculine nor feminine. I am 100% happy being biologically female, but as far as gender goes I float between the to. So to reflect that my character has no breasts, and normally no genitalia at all.

You're fine. Some people don't get it and that's their problem.

As for your definition of yourself, I fall into a similar type. My 'sona is a representation of my soul, or as some Neo-Pagan traditions would call it, my "True Higher Self." I am fully comfortable thinking of myself, in this physical male body, as being the same person as she is, and I've also found that I can draw her as either fully female or fully male... in fact there was one NSFW image I drew which involved both a female and a male version of her together.

But that said, I never could draw Inanna as a herm. I can draw her as a male, a female, young, old, human, dragon, you name it... but not herm. It's not because I have any problem with herms, it's just that a herm Inanna is incorrect. I have a herm character, Wingless, and I have no problem drawing hir and I've even drawn hir and a female Inanna together. So it's not the concept of herms in general that makes me uncomfortable, but rather just a herm version of my true self, Inanna, that is problematic for me.

What I'm saying is that it sounds to me like your 'sona is more than just a 'sona to you. Not saying it's necessarily a representation of your true self, because that's something only you really have the ability to know for certain. But it could be, and it also could be simply a way of expressing what you want to be, and so on.

Anyway, I hope this helps you out in some way.

Just gonna throw this out there, being trans doesn't automatically mean you wish you had the genitalia of your preferred gender. I know plenty of trans people who are perfectly comfortable with the genitalia they were born with, just not so much the rest of their bodies. Just something to take into consideration c:

(Also acknowledging that men have advantages isn't misogynistic. In fact not acknowledging that is)

if given a scalpel to remove my boobs and not having to endure the pain or the wait for the skin to heal up, would happily do it.
Never liked my chest and I can understand why some other female chars are either having tiny ones or none at all.

Not wanting to have breasts has nothing to do with gender though? I mean, yes, a LOT of people who have chest dysphoria tend to be transgender or are a gender not of the gender binary (male or female), but there are also a lot of ciswomen who dislike their breasts for one reason or another. Maybe they don't like how they look. Maybe they don't like them for the expectations that come with them thanks to society. Maybe they don't like how big or small they are. Maybe they don't like the reminder of the expectation that they're to some day have children..

Also you'd be extremely surprised the amount of people who have internalized misogyny simply due to how they were raised, and what they were exposed to within society. Not just trans people, but ciswomen as well. How often have you heard a ciswomen say "I'm not like /other/ women"? Society has set up such impossible expectations and double standards for women that they've made it into this horrible competition between them. I struggled with my internalized misogyny for a long time, not knowing if I was truly trans or if I just hated what I was expected to be and do as a woman. I've since sorted it out, but yeah.

That all said, your chest dysphoria might still be gender related. And that's fine too. As scary as it is to think about not identifying with the body you were born with, it's more common than you might think. Not necessarily being a FtM transgender, but there's so many other genders out there. Genderqueer, genderfluid, androgyne, pandgender, intergender, agender, third gender, neutrois, etc.

Pardon if this seems out of line, but you strike me as someone who worries a lot about what other people think of you, and the thought of not being "normal" might seem terrifying to you. What will people say? How will they treat you differently?

Honestly? On the internet, you are likely to be treated with much more acceptance and understanding that you'd think. Think of how many of your Followers and friends already identify outside the gender binary. Look how many people relate to what you're saying in this Journal. I've met so many people like you, both online and in person. You're not alone, and you never will be <3

Gender isn't binary, it's more or less fluid in everyone, I think. :>

Totally can feel you there.
I have a rather large chest, and I've always hated it. I was born female and I feel female strongly, but I often find myself shying away from female stereotypes and can't help but wonder from time to time if I would appreciate being male.
Yet, often, this thought process makes me angry because I don't want to feel bitter towards being a woman (since I feel a lot of it is internalized from our society) and that makes me want to hold on strongly and defensively to being a woman.
But I wouldn't mind a tiny/flat chest hot damn. Not that boobs are 100% linked to womanhood (since lots of ladies have flat chests) but still????