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A Kitsune Thief 2 by foxgamer01 (critique requested)

When Chris, the feral three-tailed kitsune, woke up one morning, it was with one goal. To sneak into his friend’s place once more and snag one of his special potions. But, of course, after the last time he did so, he was certain that A-Fox bothered to set up defenses rather than just locking the door. After all, he did destroy his friend’s mountain home from becoming a deitysune.

He also fixed it before the 24 hours of deityhood was up, but that’s beside the point.

As such, when he left town, heading over to the mountainside, he carried a bag full of trickery such as temporary spells within a book and enchanted lockpicks. His three pale orange tails, tipped white with a red zig-zag pattern separating the orange, wagged behind him as his white paws stepped on cobblestone. The forest soon encompassed him, blocking his orange and white body from the sun. His deep blue eyes narrowed, spotting an illusion field ahead of him.

Still, he thought, it was pretty basic even for him to set up. After all, A-Fox should’ve known that there would be countless people wanting a bottle of that deity potion. But it wouldn’t be able to deter kitsunes like himself, who could see through illusions like transparent glass. So, what was he getting at?

An idea struck him, and he spun around, hopping onto a tree with an opening just five feet high, and looked inside it. He smirked, spotting a crossbow within it, with its tip enchanted. Perhaps by Glaurung, he thought as he reached in and cut a string, disabling the crossbow. After all, those two gluttons would want to have fat victims to lay on. He turned around to the illusion field and smirked once more; the loose string lay useless on the ground.

“Clever, but not clever enough,” Chris said, patting his white chest. “You got to do better than pull off one of the oldest tricks in the book.”

So, with a confident grin, he stepped through the field, and the mountainside with a wooden door came into view. He hopped onto a tree and waited within its branches, waiting for movements to happen. Instead, the sun went down bit by bit, his body going sore, and yet he stayed.

Then A-Fox appeared, walking up the path while pulling a small wagon, strappings around his shoulders and neck.

Chris blinked even as A-Fox, bright red with a pink underbelly and black ‘socks,’ grinned while wagging his three tails, each tail tipped white. He unstrapped himself and pulled out some items from the wagon, letting the other end thud to the ground. Soon, he reached the door and turned the knob, exposing the white A on his back, not unlike the red four-pointed diamond outline on Chris’s back, and walked inside.

Chris grunted, shaking his head. While he was prepared for an empty house while A-Fox went to town, he wasn’t expecting his fellow feral friend to have already left; and now he came back. He clutched his paw tight before rubbing his chin some more. How would he do this?

He turned back around, and a thought came to him. He hopped back down, careful not to make a sound, and sprinted outside of the illusion field. He climbed up to the hollow tree and reached within, making sure to avoid the arrowhead. Soon, his paw grabbed what remains of the string, and he pulled out his spellbook, turning to the pages of a temporary lengthener. He read out the words, and he took a deep breath.

Motto desidero!” Chris said, and the page turned blank.

He pulled on the string, feeling it stretching out, and he chuckled. He stuffed the book back into his bag, half-wondering if he could recharge that spell in the book when he becomes a deity; he would save on the money. He pulled it, spinning it around the tree before he walked forward, through the illusion field. He arched his back and leaped upwards, hiding in the branches once more. He tied the other end to the tree branch before hopping down, sprinting over to the rightmost tree.

“Five,” Chris said, his heart beating against his chest. “Four. Three. Two. One.”

He heard a sudden snap with the branch breaking from the tree, sliding against the ground. Then, with the spell worn off, the string compressed back to its original length while taking the branch along with it. And, Chris thought, it should trigger the crossbow.


A few seconds passed, and a sudden twang along with a thud came, and he breathed easier. Several more seconds went by and A-Fox, having a massive mischievous grin on his face, sprinted out the door. A second later and Chris sprinted off the tree as well, running towards the open door. A-Fox disappeared into the forest by the time Chris snuck in, shutting the door behind.

“OK, OK,” Chris said, pulling out the book once more and going to the of longer-lasting lock spells. “Tozasu sero!” The door clicked, and he turned the pages for water traps. “Suiei natatorius!”

The symbol, 水, appeared on the floor, and he sighed. Even if A-Fox somehow broke through the locked door before the spell wore off, the water trap should distract him as well, knocking him back. Not to mention act as an alarm.

He spun around, his paws rubbing against the carpet as he walked over to one of the hallways, leading deeper into the mountain. It’s an odd home for a fire kitsune, especially for someone who eats himself into just as large as a mountain. Still, perhaps he has his reason, Chris thought while walking through the stone hallway. He heard heavy knocking against the door from behind, and his pace quickened, with sweat forming on his head. Even if some things were going as planned, the fact that A-Fox remained near could cause some trouble.

Soon, after reaching the end of the hallway, he spotted a triangular-shaped potion sitting on top of a table. He grinned wider, hopping onto one of two chairs before climbing onto the table, and seeing its white contents brushed against the cork. He picked it up and tugged on the cap, grunting a bit. He sighed, and he opened his jaws, sinking his teeth against it. Again, he pulled a bit before stopping.

“Wait,” Chris said while putting it down. “That can’t be it. A-Fox is smarter than—” He tossed the potion to the wall, with it gave a loud crack as it broke apart. At that moment, a strawberry-like smell came from it. “That cheeky little—”

He shook his head before skimming around the room and spotting a safe-like object against the wall, on the left side as high up as the ceiling. Chris walked towards it, noting its ten-digit numbering along with a pound and star keys and a display large enough for six numbers. Of course, he would put something like that as high up, Chris noted in his mind, particularly since he could change his size—

A crashing sound came from the other end of the hall, and his heart skipped a beat. He heard a rush of water, but that sudden thought made him realized how fast A-Fox would get passed that water spell. After all, much harder to get knocked back when big. He hopped off the chair, pulling out the spellbook, and skimmed for any restraining spells on it. Then, he ripped off one of the pages, crumbled it into a ball, and tossed it into the hallway.

Osaeru retineo!” Chris yelled out, with the paper ball glowing yellow.

“Chris, I know you’re in there!” A-Fox yelled out from within. “Whatever it is you’re after, stop before I—”

A-Fox stopped, his body restrained as golden chains formed around him, from his paws, mouth, and even his tails. He grunted, his body expanding a bit in size, only to whine and stop. Instead, he shrunk, but the restrains shrunk as well. He wiggled some more, his sea blue eyes glaring out.

“Sorry, A-Fox,” Chris said as he waved with a tail. “I can’t leave until I check out this safe.”

A-Fox’s eyes widened, and he wiggled some more. Chris thought that confirmed it as he shoved the table to the left end of the wall before hopping off and carrying one of the chairs with his tails. He tossed it up before leaping onto the table, setting the chair upright and flat against the wall. He reached into his bag once more, pulling out his lockpick set before dropping the bag and climbing onto the chair.

He stretched up high, the chair wiggling a bit against his hind legs as he rubbed one of the hooks against the in-betweens of the safe. Then he pressed it against the keypad, and it glowed a bit, with the numbers 0, 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 glowing along. He hummed a bit, putting the hook away and replacing it with a bobby pin, with it glowing white. Next, the 3 glowed red, the 9 glowed orange, the 0 glowed yellow, the 5 glowed green, the 1 glowed blue, and the 7 glowed purple, with him grinning even broader. He pressed the keypad at that order, and the safe door opened.

“CHRIS!!” A-Fox said, sprinting in with his tails fluffed up. “STOP!!”

Chris’s heart stopped for a moment, with his back fur riled up, but he pulled himself up into the safe. Behind, he heard some cracking, and he looked with a corner of his eye. A-Fox grew in size, his paw slamming against the table, crushing it to splinters. Chris spotted a pair of potions within, one pure white like the fake one and the other pure black, and he reached out for the white one.

He felt a massive tug on his tails, and he grunted, grabbing onto a potion. His hold against the safe broke, and he flew backward, holding the potion close against his chest. He rolled onto the ground until he crashed against the wall, with his back aching and with him developing a headache. He groaned before he looked at the mixture. His white ears, having a red mark on them, flattened back when he saw what he got was the black one.

“OK, Chris,” A-Fox said as he shrunk back to standard fox size, turning around. “It’s time for you to—”

He stopped, his jaw opened wide, and Chris blinked for a moment. Then, he turned to the labeling, and his eyes widened a bit before he sported a grin. On the label itself said: Super Deity Potion.

“Super jackpot!” Chris said, removing the cork.

“NO!!” A-Fox said, leaping forward.

But Chris drank through the black liquid in no time flat, dropping the potion to the side. Soon, he felt a massive charge flowing through his body as he purred, his tails wagging. Then, his three tails split apart into nine, with them swaying as he got up, the pain he suffered going away.

His eyes glowed black, with a pale orange leather cloth forming around his neck, ending with golden bells. A white flame burned on his back, on the center of his red diamond, and a necklace with golden beads formed around his neck. Soon, a purple rope, which carried a silver bell, appeared and wrapped around his middle tail, tied in an Obi style.

He purred with overwhelming pride, feeling more and more powerful by the second. Soon, the ground broke against him, and A-Fox sprinted out from the door. No need to worry about him, Chris thought as golden bracelets formed around his paws. After all, he could only grow to 240,000 feet tall.

At that thought, his body expanded in size, purring even more. His head slammed against the stone ceiling, but that was nothing for a deity like himself. He leaned upwards, and massive cracks formed all around his head, his tails swaying behind him. His snout pointed upwards, this mountain becoming too small for him. The snout pierced through the thick stone as though it was nothing more than wet tissue, the mountain giving away to his swelling form.

Seconds later, his head broke through the top of the mountain, giving out a loud laugh in the progress that become deeper with every laughter. Finally, his eyes stopped glowing black, becoming their usual deep blue even as he spotted A-Fox sprinting away. He could use his powers to pull him back, but that seemed underwhelming, especially as his body grew more, surpassing 150,000 feet and still growing. Instead, he should prove that it’s fruitless to hide.

So, he grew, gaining hundreds of thousands of feet by the second, the ground breaking away from his paws. His head pierced through layer after layer of the atmosphere, his tails swaying behind. Soon, the entire continent of Canada could be seen, but that couldn’t be enough of a show. His whole body could encompass all of North America a second later, but that doesn’t feel enough. Two seconds later, at twenty-one million feet, he stopped his growth, the planet just big enough for a deity like him to lay on.

Chris chuckled some more, his eyes turned to the stunned A-Fox, and he gave out a laugh heard across the universe.

“Thank you for this wonderful gift, A-Fox!” Chris said, lifting his claw and poking it against A-Fox’s white A. “Now, what to do with you this time? I think I have an idea.”

Chris extended out his paw, and the moon, far away from him and earth, came forward with it slamming against his paw. He then pressed his other paw against it, encompassing it, and he lowered it. He grinned even wider even as A-Fox gulped.

It’s time to give A-Fox a feast he won’t ever forget, Chris the deitysune thought.

A Kitsune Thief 2 (critique requested)


By my own admittance, I didn't originally plan on writing this story. Well, I wasn't originally planning on writing the last one either, but you get the idea.

To explain, back on September 3rd, it was Tails230 Tails230's birthday, and he has been a dear friend of mine. I was originally planning to celebrate it with a sort-of RP session with him, but CorbynPrower CorbynPrower (who had no idea about the RP thing since it was between Chris and myself) asked me if I had anything planned to celebrate his birthday.

And while I had a picture getting set up for him, it wasn't ready yet, and both that and Corbyn gave me an idea to write this story.

In any case, it's a sequel to A Kitsune Thief, where Chris stole one of A-Fox's deity potions to, well, become a deitysune. Will Chris succeed this time, or will A-Fox stop him?

If you know me (or if you see the thumbnail), you already know the answer.


Also, Chris belongs to Tails230 Tails230.


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Submission Information

Literary / Story