Just a dread head wanting to display sexy things.

Not in the “I’ve lost my love of drawing” or whatever. More so that i believe I kinda don’t draw for myself anymore. I really haven’t created new characters. I haven’t really expanded on the ones i already have. I’m not creating progress with my own properties. I REALLY enjoy drawing for people the things that they enjoy. For me, seeing someone get joy or appreciate what i did for them brings me a lot of happiness. not to mention its kinda been my livelihood for pretty much 5 long years.

I remember back when i was in Home-school and High school how I would just draw! whatever came to mind. Be it sonic stuff or fan stuff of artists I really enjoyed at the time and then trying to make my own things. I really had no one to show them too at the time either. My family never really cared about art except for my brother. Cept when he would draw, he would draw Marvel Comics type stuff and Dragon Ball Z and his own Wu-Tang related materials. He was really good at it too. So like...I never showed him my art. It was far better than mine and on top of that , it was cartoon animals and Sonic stuff. We weren’t really close either so...I feared maybe id get made fun of. Also because I’m the youngest of my Siblings...its kinda easy pickings. I was alone in my creations for a long time, and that was perfectly fine to make myself happy with em.

Then of course i found the FA community and things kinda took off from there. I finally got to show people my stuff! it was pretty crazy...and they liked it. I met a bunch of new people. Artists and friends blew my mind and I got such joy drawing things for them and then they encouraged me to do commissions. Its great! Meeting people and finding out their particular tastes and likes and then BAM! Here have this! Cause I know you like it. So...I just got in the habit of drawing things for people.

So now, when I’m drawing, I just get blanks....I don’t know what to do. I think my brain wants me to concentrate on others. “Hey! what are you doing? you should be working” or “how about drawing someone you like?” or when I’m talking with friends, we are discussing ideas with character interaction and i figure “yeah i might draw that” and then they ask me “what would you like?” and i can legit come up with nothing. I never know what to ask for myself. I cant think of anything for myself cause i guess Ive just gotten out of the habit of thinking of my own creations. And when I’ve drawn gift art...i feel happy that they enjoyed it but then afterwards...I feel kinda bad...kinda empty from something. I...don’t know. It constantly makes me think of “Why can’t i ever think of things?”
Then I look at my art...and would like to show people...and then I realize 80% of my pieces have other people in them, or its related it. gift art... I don’t think that’s bad cause I’ve enjoyed doing ALL of them.

I’ve been having thoughts of maybe quitting the commission scene and trying to find something else to take away from the art scene to maybe see if it is a spark thing. Find a new path for a while. its why i made a Patreon in hopes of doing my own stuff more. For the most part its doing something! definitely making me finish more things. I just don’t know exactly how I feel or how to go about it. So...yeah. Felt like maybe i should say it out and see what people think maybe?

sorry for the long ramble just to get to the point.