Fish Story
By Tempo

Reginald and Viviane regale their nephew and his girlfriend with a tale of kracken fisticuffs.

~ ~ ~

Fran staggered under the sudden weight of a jug of ink. Standing on deck, she smiled, long pink ears blowing in the sea breeze. Summer sun shone around the pier, which hummed with mid-day bustle. On the boardwalk, a hedgehog couple tried to pose for a picture without prickling each other. The yacht rocked, almost pitching her into the drink.

Her boyfriend, Evan, steadied her with both webbed paws. His coffee-brown eyes fell on the sloshing black contents of the jug. "Uncle! How many squids did you wring to get all this?"

"Just the one, my boy!" The elder otter straightened from tidying some ropes. Well over two meters, he towered over the bunny and her boyfriend. He stroked his massive mustache as the breeze rippled past his tidy sailing yacht. "Size of a horse, it was."

The younger otter crossed his arms with a smile. "You can't expect us to believe that."

Arms wrapped around the ink jug, Fran giggled and gave her boyfriend a playful bump. “Evan, let him tell the story.”

The sea otter clapped his nephew on the shoulder with a laugh. "My boy, whether you believe this story or any other is entirely up to you." He turned to Fran. "Now, Viviane and I were taking in some deep-sea fishing, off the coast of Norway. Had a few good catches, but the last one caught the attention of a giant squid."

A bounce of anxiety traveled up the pink bunny's body. "How giant is giant?" She'd seen too much anime to see this leading anywhere good.

"Tall as a two-story house, if you count the tentacles! Surfaced just off the bow. Ten flailing limbs, each as long as a bus, sprawling onto the deck."

His wife emerged from below deck, taller even than her husband. She carried a propane tank on one shoulder and a cooler on the other, which she set down on the deck. She nodded. "One of them gave my bottom a very rude pinch."

"Quite true! Now it was fair game trying to get that same fish; I didn't even mind the minor damage to my ship, but pinching my lovely Viviane's bum is another matter entirely!"

"He's so noble!" The colossal otteress swooned, paws under her chin. "They just do not make gentlemen like him anymore."

Evan sighed with a resigned smile. "Clearly."

“Your flattery will get you everywhere with me, dear.” Reginald kissed his wife’s cheek, then turned back to Fran. "So there I was, engaged in fisticuffs with the tentacled blighter. Ran into something unexpected: giant squids suckers are actually rather sharp."

The pink bunny nodded, enthralled by the tale. "What’d you do?"

"Put boxing gloves on the old chap, naturally." His eyes narrowed with an amused gleam, shaking one webbed finger. "But that seemed a bit one-sided, so I had Viviane lace a pair on myself as well."

With a groan, the younger otter pinched the bridge of his nose. "What possible reason would you have for keeping boxing gloves onboard? You don’t plan squid battles, I hope."

A laugh boomed from the sea otter. "If only, nephew! No, no, a delivery client had come up a bit short on payment, but offered a collection of antique boxing gloves instead."

Evan rolled his eyes. "And naturally you decided to box it."

“But of course!” Reginald's massive shoulders rolled with a chuckle. "We did both have gloves on."

"But you have a harpoon mounted on the dining room bulkhead.” The smaller otter pointed back to the cabin. “I must have seen it a hundred times."

"That old thing's for scraping barnacles off the hull, my boy. Have you tried punching a barnacle? Jagged little beasts. Quite unlike squids. A man could punch squids all day."

“Punching squids.” He swept a paw from Fran to his uncle. “Can you see what I’ve had to put up with all these years?”

The rabbit threw an arm around him, patted his shoulder, and ignored him. “Please continue, Reginald.”

“I tried my best to be sporting with the squid, but I can’t say the same for the creature itself. Most underhanded, kept trying to throw me around the deck or into the sea. Luckily, I held on using my old wrestling techniques, which Evan could tell you are quite effective.”

“Quite.” The river otter rubbed his neck.

Viviane connected the propane tank to a burner, lit it, then sat a pot of oil atop it.

“Even more luckily, my wife is as clever as she is beautiful. She seized the fish the squid had come for in the first place and employed it as a bludgeon.”

“We made short work of it.” Sitting beside the cooler, she shook a finger at Evan and Fran. “Can’t have rude squids jetting about, pinching whoever they please.”

“Too true, my darling. This is a civilized ocean. It did damage the ship a bit--ripped railings off, that sort of thing. Had to put into port for repairs. Paid the locals for supplies in squidflesh. Strong overtones of black licorice, those giant squids; the Norwegians loved it."

Sitting down beside Viviane, Fran nodded. “That makes sense. I had some Norwegian licorice once; it was really strong.”

Evan fished a bottle of water from the cooler, brushing off the crumbs. “Uncle, it’s one thing to tell these crazy story to me, but Fran hasn’t had years to acclimate.”

After checking the now-sizzling oil, Viviane opened the cooler and dropped football-sized hoops of breaded matter in the pot. They hissed and sputtered as she prodded them with tongs.

The younger otter twitched his whiskers in curiosity. "What's that?"

Reginald smiled with pride. “Dear nephew, you didn’t think we could eat all the calamari, did you?”

~ ~ ~

The first official collaboration for the Fran comic project! Check out Keiron and T-Kay's galleries for more. : )

Art: Thefunkyone & T-kay
Characters: Thefunkyone
Edits: Slate, Sillyneko345, Anakuro, Archaesophilia

-Tempo