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Box monster by Kirrlaos (critique requested)
whats that creeping over there
in that box
eyes a glowing bright
when I glance at it
a small shuffle here
a bigger one there
when I turn my back
a nibble on my ankle
looking down I know
what it is now
its nothing but a
cute little box monster
coming to say hello
Whats that under the box over there!
Submission Information
- Views:
- 394
- Comments:
- 2
- Favorites:
- 2
- Rating:
- General
- Category:
- Literary / Poetry / Lyrics
Comments
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Free form is what I do, I'm not so lyrical :D but thanks for the feed back
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Manna
this is cute :3
I'd recommend paying more attention to the rhythm of your poetry. It's fine to write in freeform, but this piece might benefit from having a more lyrical sound~