Hey there, my name is Ale Eyus, here for the revolutionary new Little Thief Mask! This may look like just an ordinary black cloth mask, but once you put it on, you will feel the difference! You see, through our revolutionary, patented Fuzzbutt technology, once you put on this mask, you too can have the thieving skills of the raccoon! And the fur! And the tail! And also everything else!

Yes, that’s right! There’s absolutely no problem you can’t solve through our new Little Thief Mask! Want some cookies? The Little Thief Mask can help you sneak your way into the cookie jar! Or just charm your way to the cookies, because nobody will be able to resist when you wear the... wait for it... Little Thief Mask!

But that’s not all you can do! Need a fancy new fur coat that all the fashion magazines will rave about? The Little Thief Mask will give you one, built in and ready for use! Want to get away with absolutely anything? The Little Thief Mask will make sure you can get out of any trouble at all with a simple cute stare! Except having to pay for the Little Thief Mask. It won’t get you out of that.

But how do you get the Little Thief Mask, you ask? Well, all you need to do is make four easy payments of $44.44! Order now, and become the adorable master thief you’ve always dreamed of being! But don’t steal from us, please. That’s not very nice.