Hiya! I'm Sjru!!
I'm a male friendly and cheerful dragon from Posadas, Misiones, Argentina!
I study sound engineering and I'm learning to make music with software.
I'm a mod in Steamrep and also the head admin of the best brony friendship group in Steam!
I'm a really active member on Steam so hit me up there if you want!!
Also check my Twitter and tumblr!!
I'm a brony too!
No, you can't. Or at least, you're not likely to.
I'm shy by nature, I always was. The only thing is that I can gain confidence and overcome that to a certain extent, which lately I have.
Thing is, that doesn't solve the problem. I'm on meds, okay? Since I was 6 or 7. For stupid ADHD and dunno what else. I'm still am. I can't easily show my feelings, and with meds atop of that I can't actually do it properly, if at all. Most of the time I'll show as happy, which is good... except that if I'm not really happy on the inside I can't actually show it.
Which I am not, most of the time, just the illusion of having real friends is what keeps me up.
Why Illusion, you may ask?
Well, aside from the fact that I have, errr little or no friends IRL, out of all the friends I have, just 10 or so actually care for me.
On the other way round, I actually care, or at least, try to my best, but I'm not a pro at social stuff, I never was, I never learnt much about it, and if those I care don't care for me back I quickly lose interest and I just show a shallow interest. Not my fault really, if I put effort on one, while I have trouble in doing so and I don't get the reaction I expect, I just move on.
I get to know many users that 'want to be my friend' but actually put little to no effort in getting to know me. Yeah sure, I'm very open and I give almost every user I think we have something in common a chance, but selfom that chance is used, at all. As I said, I'm shy, really shy, IRL even, I just get confidence and overcome it sometimes. I'll say this again, if I approach one and I want to be friends but I don't get that the other wants, I just move on, is that simple.
On the other hand, if I see that some user approachs me and actually is doing an effort in trying to be my friend, I am most likely to reply in the same way, unless there's something about the other that bothers me badly, or I feel we don't share enough traits. Tho most of the time, that user just give up too easily or don't bother to grow the friendship more, something I actually expect the other to do. (Because at that point, I'll do my part of trying to be friends and I expect the same treatment).
We all are hypocrites, of course. Maybe I did the same to one and I didn't realise, maybe I don't reply in the way the other expect, because there's something that bothers me, there's always a reason. you can or you can not blame me, if it's my fault, probably is.
If that's the case, you can chose between trying to understand me and keep in, or leaving me. It's not that I'm worth of anything, really.
So in short, if you want to be a 'real' friend of mine, at least reply when I show interest, and I'll do the same when you do. If you're obnoxious I will quickly lose interest.
Now to the other point, why you can't help?
If it's for IRL friends, yeah, you definitely can't, unless you happen to live in my area, which you don't, so... Don't even bother, I already know what I have to do if I wanted friends IRL, I don't need some guy telling me what I know. I don't easily blend with those that don't share the interest I do, and those I know IRL aren't friend potential for me. And those I know that could be friend potential for me just don't care. And those that actually are my friends aren't where I live anymore, so...
Moving out of that, I can get friends online, but that's not what I need. I already have some friends that (I think) care for me (Mostly).
What I need is a special one that could fip that gap in my heart I lack.
Sadly that's almost impossible. I'm quite complicated and I don't think I 'really' fell in love with other. I may have 'liked' other, but if I don't get the same level of reaction I give I quickly lose interest, maybe it's because the meds I take, perhaps, perhaps that makes thing more difficult for me to get a special one, I bet. And if there's something that bothers me lots on others I quickly friendzone them also.
I hate myself for that, I never really had a true special one for most of those reasons and, frankly, noone ever cared enough ot that level, and even if they did, it was fake.
And having a best friend that makes you smile or a bit happy is not the same as having a special one that makes you happy and brightens up your day. I don't think I ever had the latter.
Could I have it? Yeah sure, but I don't think I'm ever worthy of anyone in that aspect.
What do I have? It's weird because I ever hardly get that kind of attention, so I might have little to nothing in value. I don't know.
Or perhaps I'm just too socially weird to be worthy of anyone, or too hard to get to worth the effort. Don't know. But I hardly approach other with that intention on my own since I'm kinda asexualdemisexual or something and I can like but hardly ever love. I don't understand love, at least that's what I think. I don't know if I ever felt it. Can I feel love? Maybe? I don't know, I don't know if anyone but my parents wanted me to feel loved.
And if I don't know how is it, I certainly would be hard for me to make the other feel loved. I don't know, I can try, I guess? In any case still I don't think I'm worthy of anyone, if anything.
So, still, if you want to help, to be a good friend, at least make sure to make me smile, asking me how I am, stuff like that. I am likely to be as good friend as you try to be with me. I think...
You won't be able to fix what I lack, what I really need, probably. Even if you want, but you can't, you're likely to do more harm than good. Bothering me of stuff you can't help just annoys me in the inside.
Better off being a good friend. I guess.
Still, not worth of anyone.
Joined 2 November 2012