Hiya! I'm Sjru!!
I'm a male friendly and cheerful dragon from Posadas, Misiones, Argentina!
I study sound engineering and I'm learning to make music with software.
I'm a mod in Steamrep and also the head admin of the best brony friendship group in Steam!
I'm a really active member on Steam so hit me up there if you want!!
Also check my Twitter and tumblr!!
I'm a brony too!
Or I was... I guess..
It's too easy for me to show myself as "Happy and dandy", and I do a darn good job at it.
But is it worth faking myself? I don't have many reasons to be happy, tbh. I stil lfeel empty on my inside, and while I can look happy easily, does it mean that really I am?
Well... if I do fake it and I look happy and stuff noone worries and everything goes "well"... but that thing eats my confidence slowly.
While I need to show up as strong, and having high confidence (Because many expect me to), doesn't mean that I really have that strength on me.
I'm not saying that I'm mentally weak, in fact, if I were, I would be way worse and I wouldn't be able to do the duties and responsibilites I have IRL and online.
What I'm saying is that it's too easy for me to show feelings that I don't have really, mostly because I'm on meds I guess.
It shouldn't be a problem, it really shouldn't. If we all "are happy" there aren't problems, right? Then why I should worry and try to show what I really feel, while I can just "stay happy"?.
Mostly because I'm tired of doing that. I would like to have a legitimate reason to be happy, and not just "be happy" to not worry others just cause I can use my mind to show myself as.
"Oh but you have a family that loves you, and lots of friends, why not be happy?" Because if it was like that, I wouldn't be like this right now, right?
As I said before in other journals, I feel empty on the inside, I lack something, perhaps someone to share the happiness I can give with, or just some to rely on closely and emotionally. And that's something that hardly a friend can give.
But I'm not expert at emotions, I usually fail at showing them correctly, and as such I can fake it easily. To the point that sometimes I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
Perhaps I'm destined to be like this for a long time? I am too complicated for others to bother emotionally I guess. Too picky and hard? I don't know.
In any case "I can show as happy" and I think that most only care for that. If it doesn't show, there's no problem, right? Right?
But I don't want to anymore, mostly... I still fake without thinking, gosh I don't know what I'm doing anymore. What I feel? I don't know.
Joined 2 November 2012