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ok its official. im a college dropout by VCR-WOLFE
hooo ok this one was a long road in the making
today i popped by the school to hand in my official letter of withdrawal after requesting my transcripts. wasnt too messy tbh, but they were a bit nosy as to why i was leaving, comes with going to a really really small school i suppose
theres a lot of reasons i left, both personal and due to the school itself no longer suiting what i was personally looking for in an adequate education
on the personal route, being a mentally ill transgender person things are taxing. the faculty often says to leave your outside problems at the door with school, but thats a difficult thing to do for someone like me at least. i cant leave my BPD out the door. i cant leave behind those stinging feelings of putting up with misgendering due to my own not feeling safe enough to be really out yet. that stuffs hard and the stress of just school and being overworked on top of that is MURDER. MURDERRRRRR
on a more school related reason, the school i was attending is, admittedly, kind of a small school. tiny school. sure, its accredited but uhh. lots of changes happened in the years ive been attending it and changes of hand and they were moving in a direction i felt was not exactly effective. a lot of cuts, a lot of teachers actually left the school due to dissatisfaction with how the administration was changing it. i shoulda gotten out sooner tbh, but i so inherited attributes from my parents of stubbornness and a lethal drive to stick things through to the bitter end.
eventually tho things just started to weigh in a little too harshly to just "stick it out" as i normally did. the school i attended has so little to offer. there are very few classes, very few things to specialize in. its basic, its cut and dry. hell the damn place has hardly any actual connections to the professional fields and we never had the programs that are considered industry standard. personally, i would not have felt in good place getting a degree there. sure, degrees are good paper, but what did i learn? not...a whole lot. id have a degree, but for what? the faculty often said things like "you would learn on the job" but honestly i didnt buy it much bc if i didnt have the know-how and portfolio work to back me up i dont think a piece of paper would save me much from the competition of more experienced artists. a degree from that school would be too much of a sham for me. oh well
what am i gunna do now?
rest, first of all. oh my god i can finally sleep at least a little easier. i started new medications too, to help with paranoia management and they are so far helping a lot more than i expected!
ill be able to do some soul searching for awhile tho, figure out what to do. as crazy as it sounds im actually pretty fond of the idea of maybe going back to art school in the future. just a different school. fuck the school i was previously attending, i aint goin back there lmao. hell maybe ill call in buddies of mine in the industry and see how to get my name around. theres a lot i could fiddle around with
included in that i am also going to be looking into more things pertaining to medically transitioning, since i know what i would like to do, i just need to find the resources. i got help with that though, its great
aside from these things, more immediately im going to be able to work on commissions a lot more now! no more juggling school and commissions, yay! i can finally get rid of all the owed shit i have oh my fucking lord i am ready to taste that sweet victory. maybe then ill finally be able to take MORE COMMISSIONS IN THE FUTURE!!!
lastly tho even tho my parents dont know JACK SQUAT about how to work the internet i am exceedingly thankful to them. they have been supportive of me my entire life, and while yea we all agree it sucks i had to drop out, they are willing to help support me while i work independently for now. no free rides lmao but i know if i need help they will try their best. they tell me to follow my heart and they have listened to my reasons behind what i need to do, and wherever they can help out they want to. i know its hard sometimes to connect to them with my mental illnesses, but we still love each other and strive really hard to keep connected and whatnot
and uhhh
i guess thats it! im going to probably take a nap for a few because oh my god what a long day im going to perish
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Sometimes it's hard but it's what you gotta do. I dropped out of a PhD at the U of A for essentially similar reasons. If you need resources in town for transitioning or mental health or anything related, let me know, I know my way around GLBTQ resources in Southern Arizona.
Best of luck!
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ahh gosh, i really appreciate the offer for resources help! ill definitely contact you when im at that point of looking around
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Super glad to hear you've already got plans to move forward and keep growing as a person, and given that your art is already incredibly distinctive and inspiring it's going to be amazing seeing where you go from here. Best wishes for everything!
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Good for you. It can be so hard to take control of your own life sometimes, and I'm definitely betting that's one of the situations that can be super difficult to handle. Make sure you get plenty of rest to rebuild up your strength for when you need it. :)
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sup i dropped out of college 3 times, i think i'm done trying to go back and finish anything XD
you arent alone <3 -
This sounds like a good decision.
I've been in a similar place several years ago (going to an obscure outdated art school while having my mental illness get to its highest point so far) and I didn't drop out and looking back I REGRET it because those last two years were stuff of nightmares. So I'm glad you knew when to walk out and had the courage to do it (because family might be understanding but they do say "stick with college just in case" A LOT, mine did), I hope things will start looking up for you from now on. Best of luck!
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Have you looked into being "self" taught via online courses and 6 - 12 week classes and shit like that? Everything I've seen in the past 10 years or so has basically said that's the way to go because it's cheaper, less stressful, and less detrimental to your self-esteem when it comes to art, yet yields the same results if done correctly. I know you're going for animation and I can't really help there but I have a lot of free videos (mostly for painting) that you could probably apply to animation in some way?
That being said I know a lot of people simply want to go to art school or have a much easier time learning in a traditional classroom setting and that's fine too. Just thought I'd mention that that's a thing lol.
ANYWAY good luck with all of the above (and man do I get the being misgendered in class bit, talk about rough)
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i have, actually! it seems like it would be a decent idea to keep it open as an option too, but i know my worry is that i do tend to learn better in a classroom setting but you never know!
thank you for the well wishes tho bro
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Yeah I do too. I tend to slack off if I don't have a teacher and schedule and everything. But even if that's the case you might be able to find courses at your local arts center for way cheaper. Like my area has a few Artists' Guilds that hold classes and figure drawing sessions. Really the only thing you're getting at an art school that you can't get elsewhere is connections lol. Which, granted, are a pretty big part of breaking into the industry. So I guess at the very least you could keep that in mind as a super duper backup, or as a temporary solution to keep your skill sharpened while you work things out and/or look for another school?
But anyway yeah. If you want me to link you any of the sites/references/lessons I have on hand I can shoot you a note
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I'm very proud of you, weird as that sounds :P It takes an enormous amount of courage to do what you did. I'm glad everything seems to be looking up, and that your parents are so supportive of you.
Good luck, and happy resting!! -
If thats what needs to be done then it needs to be AND NOW IT IS. I seriously wish you the best though in recouperating after dealing with all of the declining with the school and your own health, hopefully with doing this it'll be a huge help c:
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Join the dropout club. B)
But nah, it's good to do that! I've dropped out of college and am about to get involved in a way better one; it's definitely the right thing to do.-
awesome! im gunna be spending this time in between just independently working and looking at some other schools because i genuinely do want to be able to say i completed some form of education, and tbh i just want to learn. even if it ends up being something like community college as a stepping stone im super interested to see what else is out there
good luck to you by the way!
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Yeah! I've been spending the last year doing the same and it's been WAAAY better on my mental health than my old college had been.
And good luck to you too! I can't wait to see what you post with your free time hah.
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Don't feel bad about dropping out I did too. And everyone in my class dropped out after me. It's hard to find a school that actually teaches useful stuff and what have you.
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yeah haha i know i definitely dont feel too bad about it. it sucks bc the school DID have some great teachers. but those are also the teachers who got fed up with how things were starting to be run and they resigned WHOOPS
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Same story at my school. It's weird though cause the same thing happened in the beauty school I went to haha
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I studied 3d animation/video game design for a time and ended up transferring out of the program a semester before I would have graduated. On one hand I think about how I abandoned that goal, but on the other hand the new goals I set for myself got me further and I like the type of work I do now much better.
As for the BPD - I know there's not really medication for the disorder itself - but are you finding the anxiety medication helping?
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i can definitely understand the aspect of feeling like one has abandoned their goal, but at the same time you are right in that other new goals can be set. sometimes to get to the end product, you have to change some goals along the way ya know
uhm as for the BPD, the specific medication my psychiatrist prescribed is supposed to help with both anxiety and paranoia, and i know paranoia is a HUGE issue for me so we will see! ive only just started taking the full dose as opposed to smaller halved ones as instructed but so far things seem to be calmer, but that could just be the added issue of less stress from school haha
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Now we're both art school drop outs.
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holy cow dude congrats on moving forward, that takes a lot of courage