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Tired of human beings by Zrcalo
I'm very very tired of human beings, and materialism. We are so absolutely obsessed with ourselves. I'm so tired of human beings and particularly white society. It transcends america, and it's bleeding into other cultures. it will bring about our own extinction if we dont wake up. I feel I was put here in this situation to look at what's happening as a celestial "look what you did." sort of thing. Like I was reincarnated to be an observer to my own destruction.
I keep making money from peoples' obsessions with materialism. Money in itself is the driving force of it. I dont want it. Everything is worthless and garbage. I sift through it every day. I dont want any of it. I see it everywhere. Useless junk piling up until it's thrown into some pit and paved over. useless junk that makes us sick and kills each other.
I dont want anything to do with that.
But I've got no choice but to deal with it as damages to me.
Use it against itself and shove it away.
I'm doing the best that I can, but I'm not helping. I'm only doing damage control.
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Comments
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Faydyn has a point. People sometimes have the ability to delight and surprise. Personally I'm curious enough to want to see what happens next.
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Mankind has a choice to make.. but the thing is.. I dont know if we would make up our minds in time. It's the same thing that happened to the extinction of many parrots. We waffled around until they were gone, then we were upset.
You cant reawaken the dead.
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I think money makes the world go round. It can save or ruin lives at the flip of a coin (no pun intended), everything depends on it.
When I studied Buddhism, I realized just how much I rely on my personal possessions, and it almost sickens me how materialistic I am. But at the same time, I'm a hoarder, I hate throwing things out because of the attachment I make to anything in my possession.
I don't think there's anything we can do about it. :( But I hope you get over the mental turmoil it seems to have you in.-
I think the biggest issue that I have is that many people around me live with little to no possessions, and I would really like to do what they do. But I simply cant because I have too much material obligations. (ie; car insurance, rent, and my animals and girlfriend--they're not posessions, but they require money) Not only that, but people would become incredibly irate with me, and I do not even know if I could just go wandering off places and be okay healthwise. The biggest dead weight is the car.
I feel a lot better now that I've listened to the velvet underground record a bajillion times over. Just kinda wipe this shit out of my head.
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But you have made an awesome thing out of your car, with the collecting road-trash. :3 And petrol price-granted, you can drive wherever you like, total freedom.
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true! My car's got a few issues, but it can drive far if I'm patient enough. I should take more day trips to close places.
lol,tells me I should make a tumblr just dedicated to the things I have in my car. so many weird things.
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ROAD TRIP. That's like, the only thing I'd do if I was visiting America. :P
You totally should, I'm curious now. XD
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Hmm my friend one day moved out of his parents house with no plan ,no money, and etc. Went off to a few states over. He surely went homeless and didn't have a thing to his name. He up and left everything. It wasn't like his family booted him out of the house but all things material vanished from his life. All possibilities of jobs and college and etc. It wasn't for awhile that my other friend found him on the street. Asked him if he could play guitar or bass and soon enough they jammed together on the coast collecting tips from the visitors. One night he asked if he had a place to stay and soon enough he had a home to go to. I love them both but I love the love and kindness to a complete stranger. He gave him a place to stay , food, and friendship. It's moments like those that give me more faith in this cruel world. No one took a moment to look at a young man out on the streets homeless. Only one offered him a home, food, and friendship. -Nods- He'll always remain a gothic jesus! to me! in my heart and soul! lol
It's a horrible world but there are gems in life. Sometimes you want to watch it burns and forget it ever existed. I am a old soul to the worlds. Feeling as though I'm on auto pilot watching people. Everything seems to get old or disinterests me. I've been older then my age since I could remember. But it's the gems that keep me going personally. Humans confuse me but they are simple creatures for certain things. When you start asking why one would do the things they do. The answers aren't pretty more then not.
I once thought getting rid of everything and running out into the world like my friend; would be my own story or tale. Though over time I found it wasn't my designed path. It wouldn't make me happy or the ones I care about happy. I'm needed by people to be the way I am, which is myself. I want to experience this life round doing the things I love while doing the things I must. Must be a better person and do the things that will help others. I cannot live among the homeless but in my power someday I can give the homeless / down trotted a home. Give people the step in life that they need to get out of the bat shit.
Maybe it's not the need to give things up. To run wild and free into the world. I know at this point reading this it sounds like some charity worker and etc. It's not what I want it to be. It's just when I realized I could use my position or ability in life. My love for things to make the world a better place even if its the smallest. It would mean the world to those few that I can touch. Idk its perfectly fine to ignore me and roll on without notice of me. It's just a food for thought I guess. >< -scurries away-
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I could never ignore a comment so large and thoughtful. :3
I've been becoming more aware of myself and my own existence (thanks medication for that!), so I've been re-connecting with the places I used to go, and the people I used to hang out with. I've found they still care about me. A /lot/. More than I thought they would.
These were the people I used to hang out with when I was homeless, they hooked me up with the place I live in now.
Anarchists, hippies, thinkers, tinkerers, poets, artists, writers, druggies, musicians and very kind people. People like what you are talking about.
I want to be as brave as these people. I see them create things and get up on stage to perform them. They have people who care about them and encourage them, even if they arent that good at it. A whole community of people who live out of their backpacks essentially. I'm part of them, I never really left. I just shut my door and hid for about three years or so. I mean, I had people from big freaking deal bands come and ask me how I was doing!I feel embarassed and I feel I should be punished for leaving them, and striking out at them out of my paranoia. I feel like a jerk. I live in fucking walking distance. They come over to my house for crying out loud. What the fuck is wrong with me. These were the people who pulled me off the streets. I am a coward.
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-Huggles wuggles- I didn't want to upset you with my story and etc. >< From your turn of words it sounded like a dark place.
I have and haven't reconnected to people for a long period of time. I'm kind of like a cat in the sense I go when I need it but return for the food, love, and need to protect. I won't know the true of your feelings but I know it would scare me. I've always in the gut felt most wouldn't care if I ever existed but over awhile I've found the ones who came and left my life weren't the true ones I should care about. I have few friends but they are dear to me. They don't leave my life as soon as done with me or get what they want. It scared me to realize I had a small family. Someone who as much as I would take a bullet for me. To feel the same unyielding protection radiating from them when the worlds nothing but full of stripping that feeling away.
You still have time to change! Think of it this way. You might have messed up but there are still people going out of there way to come poke you and ask how your doing. You can't of fucked up as much as you feel inside. They still care enough about you to see what your up to.
My friend from above, the one I mentioned as a gothic jesus lol. He has a friend who occasionally has a Schizophrenia and a heavy case paranoia episodes. He's been stabbed multiple times by this friend on multiply occasions. He loves him dearly and only can understand him and love him for him. It frightened me when I heard the story. He was over once and he went outside to have a smoke. Came back in and well he didn't die but never blamed his friend for what happened. When so many didn't stick around for him. He's the most loving person you'll meet he always tells me. <3 When he was moving he called all the people he could but the one who showed up in time of need was him. I will never forget that.
Though I guess you can link to the meaning of my story by now. You might of messed up and a lot of people do. True friends don't toss you away just because you mess up. From the sounds of it, you haven't messed up big enough for them to hate you!
You don't have to jump in the pool all at once. You can start small and talk to one or two. I'm sure the few you start with would show you your still loved and welcomed! Being scared is perfectly understandable, it would scare me too. D: But you got to weigh your fear to the people you care about. For me the winner would be I'd die trying to protect them. I wouldn't bat an eye no matter how afraid I was. I don't fear death but I fear harm done to others and myself. Anyone doesn't like pain but its also fear of that pain.
You just need time -huggles-. Build yourself up to a place where you can stand. Then I would start small. With the people you know who love you and care about you. It's never to late to reconnect with your family! That's what family is for! No matter how much you kick and scream they'll always be there. No matter how much your an asshole, family will be there. You'll only keep regretting your decision if you don't change it. Change and happiness are tangible! You can reach out and grab them again.
-nods--
I guess I feel hot/cold with people.
I tend to be more wary of people I know than of complete strangers. It's something I do, and I do need to stop. But I havent been given a reason to. I keep having issues with friends being shitty. I guess what I need to do is learn to drift away from people like that.. instead of everyone. I tend to do that. Then I feel like shit when I drift back. Because I didnt mean to leave them. I just wanted to be alone for a while. Or I forget.I've been doing a lot better as of late, hanging out with old friends and such. There's still a few I need to get back in contact with, as they are the coolest peeps I know. But it'll all happen in due time.
Sorry it took me so long to reply to this. I wanted to, but I didnt know what to say at the time.
and thankyou. <3
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I frequently feel tied to my possessions but I have stuff so I can make things like those toy photographs. I cull out stuff I don't want semi-regularly.
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My stuff feels like its artists materials and some is ritual tools.
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And memories from when things weren't so out of wack.
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I want to stash stuff at the Ohio house and from here I can take off and go other places and leave it here.
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sounds similar to what I did for a while, when I was wandering (homeless then couch surfing) . I left most of my stuff at my parents' house. I have things that are essentially sacred to me..like my writings dating back to 1998, and the artwork that went with them. I have art all the way from 1994. Pictures, etc. What I'll try to do is bulk scan them and upload them online..
but the thing is, nothing stays online. It's all transient. I've lost so much things due to websites going down, being bought out, etc.
It's a lie that whatever you put online, stays online.
All I have left are printouts and what's on my personal server.-
now that I look at it, the rest of my stuff is for art and pets. The rest of that is music and ... ..copius.. neopets plushes..
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get two different external harddrives and put a copy of everything on both
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I have eight. The problem is, they fail. I'd much rather put things to a variety of online places and a combination of printing the damn things out.
I'm a big fan of walmart's photo center. I can get my artwork printed out for about 12 cents.
I think I have a pile of laptops I used to own. I need to dredge things off of them, as well as off the other six harddrives I have.
The problem I keep running into is hardware keeps upgrading, so I cant get anything off my drives unless I have the old OS it was made for, and the cables.I need to really get the info off my win95 HDD. I have it in my drawer. 4.5gb hdd.
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Link
Faydyn
be the best example for others that you can be.
hopefully it will rub off on others
i am sad to have to say this BUT I feel the same way sometimes