i normally don't write things like this but i just want to get this out there and off my chest. for ages now i've never really thought of myself as somebody special- somebody that would consider me to be a candidate for somebody to want to spend their life with me doing silly things and fun stuff together like play video games, grow up but never lose that playful nature. the past "relationships" that i have been in have both been emotionally abusive roller coasters, and I never imagined I would find somebody to possibly try again.

long story short, somebody who had a crush on me previously when i was still in said abusive relationship got back in touch with me after about a years worth of no contact- and we just... hit it off. In my head I have to wonder, is this what it feels like to experience something... naturally for a change? Like, nothing awkward at all. We cuddled at the movie theatres and then later in the parking lot.

I asked them out on a date come July. I'm nervous, excited, but mostly giddy. I feel like I finally have a chance, and it feels both light and heavy. Because of my past experiences and past things that happened in my previous relationships, I've become very paranoid about many, several things. I'm an emotional roller coaster, and I over think to the point where I just lose function and hysterically break down. i've told him about these fears I have had, and every single time he has said that its okay, that there is no rush and to take my time. He let ME do all the moves and take all the steps I needed. And while, granted, it's only been three days, I feel like this is something I need to do- to try and to learn and experience.

He's reassured me and he's told me several times things will be okay and that if anything we can go back to being friends, as well as just. it's just nice. And for once I feel like things are really getting put into place. And i can't be any happier.