Oh wow. It's been an interesting week to say the least.
On the plus side, I'm now on food stamps so I dont have to worry about starving. (I'm actually at risk for that sadly, and was getting to the point where I was very vitamin deficient and my joints were in pain.) Also! I have medicaid now, so when my insurance runs out in a few months (I'll be turning 26 and will be booted off my parents' insurance) I wont die and leave a giant medical bill. YAAY.

My original plan was to take full usage of mexico and it's fairly inexpensive healthcare. I'll probably still have to go down there to take care of my teeth, but that's completely manageable and much more affordable than my current insurance.. which it costs about $75 for a filling instead of $30 (mexicooo).

The whole food stamp office was an interesting experience, as I've built up a hefty amount of anxiety over it. (OH GOD WHAT IF I'M REJECTED OH GOD CRY CRY CRY CRY) So I've been putting it off and avoiding the issue while I still struggled to feed myself and my girlfriend. It's okay. Got that fixed now. I basically went in and so many screaming children. so many. screaming. children. there was one in front of me who kept drinking out of a water bottle then spitting it up on the floor and laughing. there was a person who was pissed off about EVERYTHING near me. (which I dont blame them, honestly) and I had to wait there for roughly 7 hours (we went in at 11:00 and didnt get out until about 6:00. the place closes at 5:00) towards the end I started rambling because that takes the edge off anxiety. I was rambling about how I'm scared that the subways near me might be bugged (its a reasonable fear. just trust me on that one) and a bunch of stuff I dont even remember.

This kind old lady next to me (bless her heart) started talking to me to calm down as I was literally shaking. She started talking about how her granddaughter has the same mental illness as me, and how she was able to raise two kids and be a loving mother. She was also very interested in my artwork and she told me about a fantasy novel she was writing. we talked about writing and I showed her my grandma's book about santa claus. (I had brought it to read, but I couldnt focus and it took me hours to read one chapter and I still didnt retain the information. slsjkdglkjgljg) All in all, it made me calm down.

I was called up and the lady looked at me and was like "hot damn you are poor. do you want health insurance" and I just kinda nodded sheepishly while I was shaking while filling things out. Then she looked at me and was like "are you on disability?" and I was like "no. its scary." and she was like "you should probably apply". So I just sheepishly left, super super happy I could finally go and eat REAL food. NO MORE CHEAP BREAD AND HOT DOGS. YAY. NO MORE BAGELS. NO MORE BAGELS.

So we went to a health food store and bought sandwich fixings and blueberries and glorious fruit and actual real meat and real juice and I cannot resist jumex. Jumex I will love you. Love you forever and ever. You are cheap. No matter even if I win a million dollars we will be lovers. Me and you. Jumex. Forever. I will photoshop you onto things and kiss you.

MOTHERFUCKING RENT IS PAID. TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKERS PUT THOSE BILLS DOWN ON THE FUCKING TABLE AND SLAM THEM FUCKERS DOWN. PAID. DONE. FUCK YEAH. I WIN. I WIN AT LIFE. I PAID CAR INSURANCE. I PAID RENT. I HAVE FOOD. I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND. I HAVE CHICKENS. I LIVE IN A SHITTY HOUSE BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK. MOTHERFUCKING GUPPIES HAD BABIES. AGAIN. MORE GUPPIES.

I was going to be a scientist. I had a job. I had a band. I had a home business. I was taking 16 credit hours, I could memorize anything by listening to it. I cloned human cancer cells. I was in college for 6 years for biotechnology. I fell down really really hard, and I kept on trying to get back up to that. But its okay. that bus has left a long long time ago. Time to start walking and enjoy the scenery. but its okay, I'm walking and I'm moving forward. I'm motherfucking alive.