" ... I have close friends, love ones dear to me. The sad part is that they live far away from me: other side of the boarder, and on the other side of the ocean. Everyday I talk to them online. I make sure they are ok - that they are safe, happy and healthy. When they are in trouble, I can't help but feel helpless and useless. Sometimes, small problems I can help them with by being an ear for them to talk to and a voice to respond and comfort them and ease their suffering. When something bad really happens, I feel very limited and restrained to what I could do to help. All I could do is tell them to keep strong, to keep breathing, to keep living. Sometimes I don't believe myself when I say that to them and I start to worry, I start to fear for them and their well-being.

I love them dearly. They are a big part of my life. Over the years we have grown in our friendships to the point where I feel like I found my kindred spirits - my soul mates. They are important to me. When I hear that they are in trouble; in a situation where I can't come to their aid or be with them physically to help ease their pain and help them out of their troubles, I feel weak and helpless. I feel chained down to where I am due to lack of money for modes of transportation. I feel like praying isn't enough to help them. I want to be there with them in their time of need. I want to hold them tight and try to help them fix the bind they are in, to fight off any evil that they are facing. I want to watch over them like a guardian angel to make sure that they are always happy, always safe and never in dire troubling situations.

I feel like I can't be their guardian angel. I can't help them due to distance and finances. I found people who I can't live without, and yet fate placed them out of my reach. I break down. I start blaming myself for not being as helpful as I want to be. I wish to be their guardian angel. But the truth keeps pulling my "feathers from my wings" and Im stuck grounded. All I can do is email them and talk to them online. Thats all I can do. WHen they are not on or don't reply, I worry. I try not to think of bad things that could happen to them. But worrying keeps piling up in my head and I lose more feathers.

I want them safe. I want my dear friends, my significant others, my kindred spirits, to be safe, healthy, happy and free. Thats all I want. Pluck out my feathers. Take my wings. Take what you want from me so they will live a happy life without drama and negativity ..."