Happy Insurrection Day! Or in our case, insuwwection might be more appropriate. After getting approval from the secret service in my bedroom, I can finally share a broadcast and witness account of what truly happened on January 6th 2021 (if fucking only) and break the silence after two years. As CNN was busy spreading lies about sweet little Trumpy-Dumpy, the true forces of darkness tried erasing this to cover up da truth but hath failed.

The bunny task force seen in this footage are some of our top agents: On that day they were on a mission to find the sewer valve in the basement of the main building, which upon pulling the plug would result in a giant whirlpool sucking everyone who works there inside... took us a while to realize they took draining the swamp a bit too literally. The job was made easy thanks to officials jumping in voluntarily, after a bun designated it the secret tunnel for politicians needing to flee their own people... guess you could say it self-drained!

At the time it was unclear what had happened to the new president: Many thought he was still alive, others were more optimistic. The cries of little children, some as young as 60, could be heard echoing throughout the nation muffled only by their face masks. Just as liberals feared their bribes lobbying and Dominion voting machines were in vain, president Brandon reemerged from... you don't wanna know. He soon held a speech addressing a bunch of flags in an empty garden surrounded by tanks soldiers and barbwire fences, standard procedure in every human democracy for a fairly elected president. He was accompanied only by his good friend and owner Barack Osama and a famous singer known as Lady Caca.

Little did the world know he was but a drone resembling president Letsgo, the real one still boiling in bunny hell shall we say. Due to the AI being programmed by a slob of a rabbit who used Windows Millenium on Gameboy hardware, he forgets who or where he is and malfunctions on a daily basis. Fortunately this matches the exact level of intelligence everyone expects from the president of America which helps divert any suspicion. Extra fans had to be installed on the exoskeleton under the suit after he overheated while attempting to read off a teleprompter and parsed the command line instructions as plain text, after which the pattern recognition identified a non-existent person and went on to shake hands with the air, raising concerns the components would melt and cause an explosion. Several tests were preformed consisting of smelling different womans hair samples while the gyroscope was calibrated by climbing up the stairs of various airplanes without falling, after which the droid was deemed strategically unfit once more. To this day the order of the naughty bunnies secretly rules over America... if fucking only.