Long description. Don’t worry about it.

I tried my hand at Pride icons. Had to crunch it down just so the GIF would be decent, but you can view them better on Tumblr, and eventually Twitter where I'll be spacing out individual posts across the week.

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So. There’s never been a good time to bring up this kind of life stuff—and I don’t plan on making these long written vent posts a thing, as it’d just get exhausting and annoying for everyone (myself included)—but right now just feels like the only relevant chance that I’ll get to talk about a particular thorn in my side, even if it does juxtapose the artwork that goes with it.

If you don’t want to be bummed the fuck out during a time of celebration, then skip the next five paragraphs because there’s… not a happy ending here. Or a happy anything. There is still a point to it though, so just try to keep an open mind if you do choose to read.

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It has been over a decade since the biggest decision I made that became my biggest regret: coming out to my parents. When you’re young and stupid, you think everything’s just going to work out like it does in the movies—finding success in a situation when the odds are stacked against you. Little did I know, it was going to be nothing but disappointment and conversion therapy and various religion-based interventions and microaggressions and flat-out being told that who I am is a problem with the family. Having all of that brought upon by people who I must continue to submissively maintain a difficult relationship with to today, just to live in a world full of strangers who are relentlessly open about wanting us all beaten to death, all I’ve learned from this is to just shut the fuck up.

I was very adamant about who I was when I was in my teens. I was one of the very few openly queers at my high school at the time, and I felt proud of that. Though I guess it was also partly the “feeling special and unique” aspect, as well as the kick I got out of complaining to everyone about the struggle between my parents and I. Regardless, I was very much out and full of color. But over time— with the continued difficulties I have with my parents, the effects of what they did to me, plus the reactions of the world—I have only found myself rendered cold and unable to feel anything towards LGBT/pride-related things, let alone be direct and open about myself anywhere anymore. I have no desire to change this, for I am very exhausted and eroded and personally do not even find a home within the LGBT community nor find any comfort in considering myself as such. It also feels as though everyone has been able to figure out how to deal with (or have already overcome) their LGBT struggles—struggles far more worse than mine—and made it through loud and proud. Which is not the outcome for me.

Despite my desire to work for an honest pay and contribute what I can to this world, acquiring my first genuine real job has still somehow been impossible for me to achieve—and I cannot rely on the very few art commissions that I get. So, at an embarrassing 25 years of life (making that about 7 years of being a mostly-functional work-ready able-bodied adult in America), I still have to rely on my parents to survive. So it’s not a simple “just screw what your parents think” response here because I do not have the luxury of choice (nor do I have a rebellious nature). I’m also Filipino (lol), so there is a unique layer of complication when it comes to family, something I will not explain.

Thanks for reading if you did. I hope this somewhat touches on anyone’s concerns about me as to why I don’t normally do anything particularly pride-related. It feels as though everyone in furry is very open about who they are but then are suspicious of those who appear otherwise, which I find pretty unfair and unkind. Long story short—although I have not faced the worst of the worst—I have faced enough to wear me down, and I feel like I have more important things to do in life than try to fix damage just to fit myself into a place where I won’t even belong. Anyway, I had complex reasons for creating this small project that you see before you, but to be vague, I just felt it would be beneficial for others and myself to do something for Pride Month—free, as an act of community service (as well as to avoid the “shame on you for profiting off of themed commissions for a community that you must not be a part of, seeing as you don’t openly display an acceptable identity on your profile”). At the end of it all, I just want to create cool and interesting artwork, and I find so much potential in animated pride icons. So here is the result.

P.S., I apologize for being aggressive about this, but please do not offer any “I know how you feel” statements in response to this. Not to put down any of the very real and difficult struggles that you may face, but there are very strict specifics at play that are absolutely mandatory to be able to relate and make me feel understood. And I did not go into full detail above because it is unnecessary and we’d be here forever, so the full picture isn’t even there for you to be aware of. So, while I do appreciate the sentiment to empathize with a similar story, I request to refrain from doing so just this time please. I’m also not a fan of the “you’re so strong” comments either, but that one’s not as much of a big deal. It’s just a bit weird, considering that I’ve given up.

(But you can also just comment about the art itself and not mention anything I wrote, I won’t get offended by that whatsoever. Sometimes there’s just nothing to say to a long-winded spiel of “woe is me.”)

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Although I can’t feel much for the event itself, the act alone of making art as gifts just feels great. (These were taken on privately, by the way.) I'm really happy about how these ended up, and I'm very surprised that I was able to fulfill each request that came in because I was a bit short on time when I worked on them. Well, I did rush, after all.

And so, we have:
everestwh1te, bisexual and non-binary flags
junaisurrender, transgender and bisexual flags
MattFrostpaws, non-binary and demisexual flags
Geoledgy, aromantic flag
thatssharakiri, gay flag

(Not all flags necessarily represent their owners, so don’t assume identities and such.)

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Well, I hope you have a good month—celebrating in the sun, or protecting yourself in the shadows, or otherwise. Take care of yourself and your loved ones.