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A Brave New World- Pt: 1 by Kakiookami (critique requested)

A Brave New World- Pt: 1

Part 1

Brother Troubles

Shinda Gone, a red haired Human female, was busily working on her PDA at the hatchery inside the Zashara Aquarium. The grey color room had two rows of wooden nest boxes which housed small light gray eggs, being kept warm by heat lamps. Old fashion technology can still find some use in the far future, although all the boxes are monitor by sensors which regulate the eggs development. They are controlled by the building smart core which controlled everything inside the building from the conditions of it residents and their home, to utility and supply stocks. Today the data show on the marine biologist PDA had determined the eggs were in optimal conditions in their current development. All the eggs had an internal temperature of 89.5 degrees, which meant haft the eggs would develop as males, the other females, just as she wanted them.

Zashara City of the planet Araqurin, is an island city filled with residents of the Gerinsi Water Dragons. For years now, the Aquarium had been hard at work creating a species of animals using the Water Dragon's DNA and combining it with the DNA of the few reminding Boggle Seals. What they created is known as the Darjeets, a four legged marine based animal.

Part Seal, part Water Dragon, they are built to lived in the oceans. The blue bodied animals have web feet with opposable thumb's, and has a sideway tadpole like tail which is used for swimming. As big as large size dogs, they have lungs for the air, and gills to breathe the water when under. They also have two ear fins lined with four to five barbs, with two short pointed horns on the back of the head; in part thanks of the DNA the seals that had reactivated in the Water Dragons that had suppressed the genes long ago.

Their teeth are short and sharp, and they have a narrow snout suited for catching fish. Yellow slotted eyes inherited by Dragon's give them a primal look, and they can talk. Oh yes they could talk. Shinda Gone and her team became shocked after the very first Darjeet hatchling had learned their language a week after birth. Even after 25 years since the program started, she still couldn't believe how gifted they truly were. Having opposable thumbs, they can grab items and tools with their front paws and even learn how to use them. They can read and write if trained, and speak fluently only after a few months old. But it's their play time that she is most fascinated by. Groups of them would take the beach balls the Aquarium own stock piles of and go play with them. Sometimes they play strange games with stranger rules.

Some families would bring the balls to the many enclosures pools and play with it there. They would play all day, till evening sets when they sadly had to go to bed for the night, dreaming for the next day to come where they could play again. She always wonders why they live so happily when in truth they had been housed inside cages at the Aquarium for their entire lives.

None of them had ever seen the outside, and they don't even know it existed. They never care to ask why they lived the life that they do, and most seemed not to think about asking either. The biologists also never told them about the world either. One reason is that because the foundations which funded the project wanted them completely unaware of the outside world so they wouldn't want to attempt escape. On the other hand, they will eventfully have to be trained to live in the wild, and they never even started on that part of the process.

She always thought it was her bosses that wanted them to stay like they are, so their intelligent could be studied. It was for science, and she would never reject to that, but wasn't the reason for creating them was to introduce them to the wild?

Shinda would want this greatest of all because no one deserved to be kept in cages for all their lives, but what she sees in them are uncaring, childish animals which would stand no chance of surviving in a harsh world of oceans, weather, predators, and even people as themselves. They barely can even swim properly either. The wild would be too difficult for the domesticated Darjeets at this stage. They will have to live the rest of their lives here, and in a way she thinks it's for the best, because they were all happy here, with no care in the world.

Just about the rest of the eggs here would also join this life style as well. Shinda had just finished checking the systems and set their parameters for the next week, and then she wandered off to the cages. Part of her job was to make sure that all the Darjeets were healthy, and a recent, special, one of a kind hatchling was due for his first examination today.

______________

"Let me play with it, it's my turn." Gentoe begged.

"We aren't going to let you, you pop the last one remember?" Link responded.

"Technically he bit it, and I am sure he will do it again if you give him the ball. He hasn't finished his gnawing phase just yet." Mink

calculated.

"Oh you boys need to learn to share." Kisley demanded of them.

This family of Darjeets belong in the Moko pack. Moko, the adult alpha male was busily sleeping on top of a plastic rock within their enclosure. The Alpha female, Mieka was watching their pups play, making sure they didn't roughhouse much or get hurt. Mieka life was easy and care free up till to this point. Ever since she was introduced to Moko, the two legged monkeys called Humans always had hovered around her and the pack. She was confused by the whole process they been calling since it started. The word was on top of his lips, oh yes. . . pregnancy.

Even though Link, Mink, and Kisely were part of their blood line, they all came from Water Dragon eggs, but it was Gentoe that was special, because she and Moko was the ones that created him themselves. She laid his egg naturally and taken care of it with the Humans help. After the day of his hatching, she been carefully mothering him, making sure the others would be careful of him too. However even with her best efforts, the others still pushed him around with the exception of Kisley, the only other female of the pack. She was the oldest of the pups, and seeming to be the only other that understands her plight with Gentoe. In a way, the two were best of friends and she was glad for it, despite the civil rivalry that occurs every day between the males.

Right now, the pups were fighting over the only small beach ball they have with a large yellow star on it. Yesterday Gentoe had popped the other ball with his teeth in experimentation. Mieka in a way was glad that her pup teeth's was just starting to pushed through, and Gentoe started gnawing away at the enclosure tree stump a week ago. But the other pups, already past that phase of their lives see it as an nuisance. Afraid of losing their last ball, they kept it away from Gentoe.

Link was a bit like Moko. He acts tough, thinks tough, and believes he was tough, but still like a lovable child from the inside. Despite his attempts to show the others he was the strongest of them, Moko made sure he played along with the others and shared. Link always had arguments between the other pups and his father.

Mink was a smarty pants, if only he was wearing pants, which was a great shameful thing to be wearing pants, but intelligent wasn't the same. He was the smartest of the bunch. The Humans had been focus on his intelligents after they first taken notice. He already knows his numbers and

letters, and even been trained to used tools. As of late, he been secretly teaching himself how to break out, and started by shoving a small piece of wood between the door and the mechanic latch to force it open.

About 3 days ago he broke out the middle of the night when the others were sleeping to explore the building. Unfortunately for him the other doors seemed to be unbreachable with a thing called electronic locks, or whatever the Humans called them. He remembers they can only be opened from the outside, so the only thing he was able to do was to explore the room they were housed in.

Beside the small windows from above with a bunch of boxes stack on top of each other and their cage, the room was pretty bare. Having the ability of imagination, he wonders what it was like past these walls. Mink heard stories that the Humans tell often. Sometimes they talk about a thing called weather, or some short of activity outside they would like to go to later when their work ended for the day.

At other times, a thunderous noise would occur, with what sounds like thousand of marbles dropping on top of them lasting minutes or even hours, yet he never could figure out what it is or why it happens. He doesn't know how he would do it, but one of these days he would find a way to get out, and explore so he can tell the others what it's like on the outside.

Gentoe and Kisley were on the side lines, frustrated and sadden as they watched Link and Mink played with the ball. They were both happily passing it along to each other, and gloating back at them about how much fun they were having. Although Kisley given up on trying to persuade her bothers to give them a turn, Gentoe wouldn't have any of it. He didn't want to be left out.

He looked over to see his mother, Mieka. Much larger then they were, she was lying down on the floor, and seemed to have fallen asleep, and Kisley wouldn't be able to stop him. So he waited, and planned his attack. After the brothers pass the ball a few more times, Gentoe pounced, right as the ball was between them. He hit it with his snout and the ball rolled into their pool. Gentoe jump in to push it away.

"What do you think you're doing?" Link angrily shouted.

"Well its obvious Link, he wanted the ball for himself." Mink replied as he watched the young pup swimming in the water.

"Oh hush nerd, let's get him." Both Link and Mink sprinted. Kisley was just too shocked by Gentoe course of action to know what she should do, but when Link and Mink was also about to jump into the water, she became afraid.

"But you guys can't swim!" She just barely manages to yelled, but it was too late as they fell into the pool. Mieka woke up from Kisley's screaming and the splashes in the pool. Her heart sank when she see the pups in the water. Darjeets seem to have one fundamental problem between them all; they don't know how to swim correctly. Only after training, most can just dogpaddle, but she and most others never seem to understand how their tail fin was suppose to work. Kisley was the best swimmer of the pups, second to Moko ability and she almost jumped in after them, but it was the mother that jumped in first. Link and Mink was having trouble paddling with their feet's, and shortly there heads started to go under.

Mieka grab Mink first on the back of his neck with her jaw carefully, and pulled him back over the edge to the pavement, and then she went for Link, who started to sink. Quickly she went underwater in order reached him as Link was still struggling. Even with gill's, they would only work if they can move water through their mouths and back out through the gills at the cheeks. Link wasn't moving forward, and so was drowning.

She also grabs him by his neck and brought him back to the surface. They both grasped for air as she climbed over the edge, than drop Link on the ground. She then turned around for Gentoe, but he was on the other side of the enclosure, out of the pool playing with the ball. She was relieved to see he made it through. He might be just a good swimmer as his sister when he gets bigger, and she never even knew about this till today.

But while she was thinking this, Link recovered. Luckily he had open his gill's and closed his throat to prevent water from going into his lungs, but instead of making sure he was ok, he instead started to quietly make his way over to Gentoe in a slouch, and a tensed poster. Gentoe was on top of the ball at this point, trying to maintain his balance. Now it was he who was having the fun, and his boredom was gone! Sadly though, his claws suddenly rip through its thin fabric and deflated with him still on top.

Gentoe became depressed again, that he managed to pop another ball. He bent over to sniff it, wondering what he had done to it that caused its death. Being unaware to his surroundings and coming danger, Link bolted at him. Link slammed into Gentoe side, knocking him over on his back, and Link got on top. He started to wrestle him in anger.

"Get off me!" Gentoe yelled, but despite his best efforts, Link stayed on top, forcing him into submission with his teeth clamped onto his chest. It didn't hurt badly, and luckily the teeth haven't ripped through the skin, but he was too angry to notice. As soon as the fight began, Mieka started to run over to stop it. Both Kisely and Mink was too disturbed by their first witness of violence to do anything.

Mieka was almost right there to stop the two of them, but halted as a big hand claw swooped down between the fighting pups, and Link was swept away from Gentoe. The teeth however caught, and made a small cut as they were pulled away. Gentoe whelped from the pain as he gotten back onto his four legs. Link also did the same, but someone else was now in between them. Their father Moko had awakened from his nap.

"Now what in Dragon blazes has gotten into you two?" He asked, his voice producing authority and obedience, and yet he still sounded clam and forgiving.

"Its Gentoe Dad, he took my ball and. . ." He couldn't finish as he was interrupted.

"Your ball? The ball is for us all to share. I taken that you once again hogged it for yourself, right?"

"But Gentoe popped it Dad. He broke it again!" Link cried out. He seemed much afraid now. He didn't like the look of Moko eyes at this moment.

However for now any short of punishment would wait as Moko turn his glaze towards Gentoe now. His small cut bled a little at first, but it already had stopped. More than likely it would heal without scaring, but this was the first time the young pup ever felt pain like this. Small tears were rolling down his face, trying to hold them back as best he could. Moko however wanted answers from him too.

"Gentoe, why do you keep biting the ball? Is it because you're jealous?"

"I didn't bit it this time, I swear." He could only mutter.

"I wish you never came into our family Gentoe!" Link shouted angrily.

"And I wish you weren't either!" Gentoe replied just as loud. Moko had enough of the two.

"Hush both of you! I want you two at separate comers for a time out!"

"BUT DAD!" They both complained.

"No but's, now get yours to the comers." Gentoe made a quick retreat, but Link persisted his complaining. However an stern look from his father made him quickly rethink and submittedly done as he was told. Both pups were facing the corner edges of their enclosure now and started sulking. Mieka came over to sit next to her mate.

"I don't understand them. Why do they keep auguring like this?" She asked. Moko yawned before replying.

"Can't say. It shouldn't keep going on like this, but I don't know what we could do. Perhaps we should ask our Human friends for advice?"

"Do not do such a thing, we can't!" Mieka was actually more afraid of asking them for advice because the Humans might think to take one of them

away. She couldn't live with her self if that would ever happen.

"We will find a way Moko. Remember that both Link and Mink never gotten along before, and now they are good friends. We done it before and we can do it again."

"I guess so, but if they keep this up, one of them going to get hurt." Moko replied. Sleep was catching up to him yet again, but he had force himself to stay awake as more noises came from the front gate. Their caretaker, Shinda Gone, the tall red hair female Human had just came by, and unlocked the door. Moko, Mieka, Mink, and Kisley came over to greet her.

"Hello guys, how's your day been?" She asked, unaware of the fight earlier.

"Oh nothing we couldn't have handled. Were you going to bring us some fish later? I say we could go for a few morsels." Moko asked politely.

Moko was also a big eater. His major kink is that he loves the taste of fish. Well all Darjeets eat fish as their main diet, but Moko adored the flavors of the creatures more than the others.

"I will bring some later, but I am here for Gentoe." She said, looking for him.

"He's in time out right now Mis. Shinda." Kisley said to her. Shinda looked over towards Gentoe frowning. She had to walk over to take a closer

look to see why he was so depressed. When she spotted the tears, she rushed over, and then she saw the wound. It wasn't hard for her to notice the other pup on the other side of the comer also in a time out, as the cause of the cut. Link carefully looked back, mumbling under his breath about his punishment.

"No please, we stop them; it was nothing we couldn't have handled ourselves!" Mieka begged after she saw her face. Her worse fears were starting to become reality.

"Don't worry Mieka. We had pups fighting before, and I was just coming to get him for his first doctor visit so a quick separation could do some good. I should be able to patch him up too. I won't be long ok?" She had spoken with a smile.

"Ok. . ." Mieka replied, but under heavy doubt from her choice of words. Shinda than grab Gentoe from under his chest, and lift him from the ground. She had one hand under his forelegs, and another on his rump to secure him. Gentoe tried to squirm away after he was picked up, but didn't say a word in fear of what Moko might do to him if he dared to speak. Time out also didn't mean you could talk. He quickly succumbed from the Human handling, and they both went out of the enclosure, and the gate locked behind them.

"I hope he'll be ok." Mieka said as separation anxiety started to fill her with fears of losing Gentoe.

"Oh honey, you still don't trust the Humans do you? He will be back tonight, I promise." Moko nudge her softly with his nose to add more confidence. The touch greatly relaxed her. It always did before. However Link wasn't done protesting.

"Why does he get to go out of time out?" He yelled back, but another angry look by Moko made him quickly squeak and return to his position.

Both Moko and Mieka than went to their sleeping spot, on top on of hay and grasses they used as their bed. Not done with play time, Mink and Kisley started to use the deflated ball as a flying disc, passing it between them by mouth to mouth. Link didn't dare to move from his spot for an entire hour, a personal record.

A Brave New World- Pt: 1 (critique requested)

Kakiookami

Part One of my first short story, Darjeets of Araqurin-A Brave new World.

To the next part, https://www.weasyl.com/submission/89093

To start at the beginning, https://www.weasyl.com/submission/76965

Submission Information

Views:
305
Comments:
4
Favorites:
1
Rating:
General
Category:
Literary / Story

Comments

  • Link

    There we go, hope it reads better for you guys

  • Link

    This kind of genetic engineering is the kind of thing I would love to do for a career.

    Keeping track of these characters might be tough, but you're doing a good job characterizing them.

    I like the story setup so far.

  • Link

    you think the first book is tough for making characters?, i have plenty of more characters coming in the second book.

  • Link

    oh and thanks for the fav :-)