It’s been a long time coming, child.

Too long.

So, you’re here on my page. I know how you feel. I’ve been there. I’ve done that.

You’re probably like, “WHO IS THIS GUY, WHATS HE ALL ABOUT?”. Yes. I know you’re yelling it to yourself. You’re so confused you even forgot to put an apostrophe on ‘whats’. This is completely normal. Totally.

I could answer that question in a heart-beat, but instead I’m going to give you this overly drawn out introduction. Why? Because that’s how I roll. I don’t actually ‘roll’. I can walk. Occasionally.

The more you know.

I’m Conte. If for any reason you did not realize that by this point – you can leave. I’d show you the door, but for the life of me, I don’t remember where it is. You can pronounce my name any way you like. Most people prefer ‘cunt’. Hell, just call me dick-head. We’re cool bro.

You can also call me David. That’s my name. Please wear it out. Please.

I’mma Jackal. I do Jackal things. Eat Jackal food. Drive Jackal cars. You know – the Jackal life.

Wait, wait. Take a deep breathe. I know, I know – you found someone who isn’t a GShep. Take this moment to award yourself. You deserve it.

My humble abode is in Indianapolis, Indiana. It always has been. Send help.

Oh yeah - I’m 23 years old. I keep getting older. I don’t know how to turn it off.

I currently work at a hospital. It’s pretty spiffy yo’. I make sure the hospital, along with others, have the surgical and medical items to work at high efficiency. That last sentence sounded intelligent.

Intelligence off.

I’ve been to many cons – I think. Yeah, no, I’m sure it’s been quite a few. You might have seen me, you might not have. If it’s the latter, we should change that. You’re living a dreary life if it’s the latter.

Very dreary.

When I’m not living the dream or experiencing another day in the paradise that is my life – I do things.

These things include: bungee jumping, parachuting, and motorcycle racing…. Wait. Wait a minute. This is a list of things I’d die doing.

My bad.

How about this? You can get to know me yourself so I don’t have to write it all down. This is hard work. I’m not getting paid for this.

I’M OUT.

No. Nevermind. One more thing. If you have an Xbox 360, do yourself a favor and add Contention to your friends list. You’ll never regret it.

I won’t let you. Ever.