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Friend's Take on "Little Ren, Little Red" by BrianColfxire (critique requested)

Friend's Take on "Little Ren, Little Red" (critique requested)

BrianColfxire

AGAIN, WARNING, NOT THE BEST SINGING. Any critique is for lyrical writing.

As I agreed with my friend, he is fine with me sharing him trying to sing a song I came up with one night on a ride home.

As a part of my Victorian era fiction, I wrote this lullaby for Renard enton (Renard is a name for Fox character, and the name itself is reference to a fox) out in the countryside of Britain. His mother recently lost her husband, and she holds her cub in her arms, looking afar at the mountainous peaks (initial set-up). Decades later, Ren has become a profitable man of business, but the toll of the years has finally wore his mother to her last few hours; she asks him to sing the song she heard "from his father in the wind" with the final verse being her goodbye (alternative ending verse).

I like to think my friend's take reminds me of Lord of the Rings approach to the song, or of the father's voice singing to Ren's mother. The cover art is made by casual-dhole: which inspired me to create a roguish era version of my character with his own personality and quirks and his own line of stories.

Lyrics written by Brian Colfxire:

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's a window for you
As to watch the sun rose.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's a vibrant warm hue
From yer tail to the nose.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's some white on yer nose
Of the first sleet of snow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
I'll see you someday there
To watch as you 'ill grow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
I'm here beside yer face
To keep yer smile a'glow

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
Why hide yer muzzle there,
When you light any woe?

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
Beyon' those white peaks there,
Or farther than I've roam?

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
You'll see fath'r some day
And we'll welcome him home.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
None can come between us
To tear the love I sow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
Why cry now do-ye-so?
There's a new world for you
Once spring takes 'way the snow.

Alternative Ending:

Little Ren', Little Red;
Why cry now do-ye-so?
There's a whole world for you
That I shall... ne...ver... know...

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