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Little Ren, Little Red by BrianColfxire (critique requested)

Little Ren, Little Red (critique requested)

BrianColfxire

WARNING: BAD SINGER HERE. Any critique would be appreciated towards improving lyrical writing.

For starters, I didn't want to sing this song I came up with late one night on a bike-ride at home. But my friends coerced me to try to sing it. Honestly, I swear this song exists somewhere and I internalized it without knowing what it was. You'll have to bear with my terrible microphone and deaf-tone singing. My friend, who wishes to remain anonymous, also did a take for how he thought the song was to be sung.

If you do wish to hear my horrid voice, you can read the lyrics I wrote and listen to my friend's take, which I think is a more Lord of the Rings approach to the song. The cover art is made by casual-dhole: which inspired me to create a roguish era version of my character with his own personality and quirks and his own line of stories.

As a part of my Victorian era fiction, I wrote this lullaby for Renard Benton (Renard is a name for Fox character, and the name itself is reference to a fox) out in the countryside of Britain. His mother recently lost her husband, and she holds her cub in her arms, looking afar at the mountainous peaks (initial set-up). Decades later, Ren has become a profitable man of business, but the toll of the years has finally wore his mother to her last few hours; she asks him to sing the song she heard "from his father in the wind" with the final verse being her goodbye (alternative ending verse).

Lyrics written by Brian Colfxire (and horribly sung by me)

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's a window for you
As to watch the sun rose.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's a vibrant warm hue
From yer tail to the nose.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
There's some white on yer nose
Of the first sleet of snow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
I'll see you someday there
To watch as you 'ill grow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
I'm here beside yer face
To keep yer smile a'glow

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
Why hide yer muzzle there,
When you light any woe?

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
Beyon' those white peaks there,
Or farther than I've roam?

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
You'll see fath'r some day
And we'll welcome him home.

Little Ren', Little Red;
How yonder will ye go?
None can come between us
To tear the love I sow.

Little Ren', Little Red;
Why cry now do-ye-so?
There's a new world for you
Once spring takes 'way the snow.

Alternative Ending:
Little Ren', Little Red;
Why cry now do-ye-so?
There's a whole world for you
That I shall... ne...ver... know...

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