From: "Head Moof" <email@example.com>
To: "All Faculty" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Returning to regular operations
I have finally managed to exit decontamination, and should be able to resume the majority of my normal duties on Monday. As always, scheduling should go through Miss Ramirez, and while office hours will resume, please note that I will be working from my auxillary office until such time as I am fit to use normal doorways again.
I am sure that, over the last week, most of you have already been made aware of the results of the latest excursion, and I have filed my final report on the matter in the internal wiki for those that want more detail. In short, it appears that my trip happened to land on some kind of local feasting day, and a pair of overly enthusiastic locals took my reticence in conversation as a sign that I didn't have a family to spend it with. The results, I believe, speak for themselves.
This reality certainly merits further study, though for the time being I would recommend that we refrain from further excursions until we find out how long it takes for me to fit in my own chair again. Or at least a loveseat.