Still an Angry Transman

...or, The Journal In Which Blick Gets Called a SJW Again And Still Doesn't Give A Fuck. Be warned, this is going to cover a lot more than just a single offensive word.

I've seen a lot of people telling me I should just ~embrace the term "cuntboy" on my previous journal because it's supposedly not offensive and words are just words. To get this out of the way first: cispeople have absolutely no business telling transpeople what is and isn't offensive to transpeople. Also those who will cite the singular transman who didn't mind the term who was a journal respondent -- look at all the other people of trans experience who responded echoing my words. He is a tiny minority. More power to him -- but he cannot speak for all trans persons, especially not when most of us disagree with him. This is likewise something said in the body of the original journal. I've also been told that anger solves nothing and I shouldn't be angry, I should just smile, and nod, and be accepting of others. In light of all of this, I figured I would reply en-masse in a new journal with more things that should be brought into the light about transpersons, cobbling together some comments from previous discussions and adding some more.

Regarding the supposed strength inherent in reclaiming a term I loathe: I have been through this particular argument too many times before to have much patience with going through it again in detail, but tl;dr "cuntboy" is offensive, it's ugly, it's particularly damaging to transpeople in that it's not just a derogatory term but it also gives people an ENTIRELY wrong impression of our sexuality, and given the hostility towards the trans community this and other words like it are a good chunk of the reason why children and teens of trans experience kill themselves. So no, attempting to reclaim a slur is not the only thing I can do. I can educate, and I can offer correction, and I can fight for my own goddamned right to live my life like a human being deserving of basic respect. I don't think someone attempting to perpetuate their idea of what they think I have or don't have between my legs is funny,[1] especially when it's wrong in practice and especially when it gives the totally wrong message about what my sexuality is like overall. I'm not going to embrace it and I never will.

What's behind a transperson's legs is anything but funny to them. That is an egregiously offensive thing to say to me. Let's say for argument's sake you're a gay or bisexual cisgendered man, which many of my watchers here more than likely are. If you're around my age you've enjoyed the golden age of the gay rights movement in America, given to you as a gift borne by the blood and tears and terror of those who came before you in the fight for social and legal equality. You get to watch more and more states accept and legalize gender equality. You can have children with your partners if you want to by either medical means or adoption. You get to have adequate medical treatment without fear of being turned away by hospitals or doctors or having paramedics refuse to treat you on-scene, all of which are realities for anyone of trans experience.

Trans people don't have those things; our fight has just begun. Our identities aren't legally recognized in many states. Many of us can't have identifying paperwork changed to reflect our identities without butchering our bodies and annihilating our sexual organs and therefore our genetic material and any potential of having our own biological children. Stonewall was a landmark in the gay rights movement, but it was precipitated by anger over people of transgender or gender-nonconforming experience being degraded by police and then defended by their gay comrades -- but we still have yet to see the advances in legal rights that the fallout of Stonewall has achieved for other people in the LGBT community. People have died in fear and pain and wreckage because other people can't get over being obsessed about what's in their pants once they realize their patient is trans. The APA and the AMA consider gender identity disorder to be a medical problem, not a psychological problem, and have repeatedly urged the government and insurance agencies to allow the trans community to be able to get the life-affirming and often life-saving treatment and surgery that they need, but we're almost all required to pay out of pocket and drive ourselves into debt just to be able to live our lives normally.

We're not that far removed historically speaking from homosexuality being considered a mental illness, but by and large that battle has been won. And you know what? Though I am ready, willing, and able to stand up for everyone on the LGBT spectrum at the drop of a hat, and have done so, your fight is NOT the same as my fight. Don't compare gay issues with trans ones. We have overlap, but we are NOT the same. As I said before, the trans battle for legal and social equality is really only just beginning and it's going to be harder than the homosexual equality fight because we're looked down on, derided, and disclaimed by nearly everybody. Take a look at equal rights legislation that has popped up in the US in the last five years alone that originally was supposed to cover EVERYBODY in the LGBT community -- the vast majority, and all of the legislation on the national/federal level (the ENDA, EEOC issues, etc), has the transgender-related clauses ripped out by otherwise supportive legislators because it doesn't seem like a "winnable" clause or the religious right won't let it pass with trans-rights intact. In my own state of New Jersey, Governor Chris Christie just vetoed a bill that would have allowed transgender people to amend their birth certificates without being subjected to mandatory sterilization, more than likely in an attempt to buck himself higher in the GOP's list of presidential candidates.

Take a moment to learn about how the cis-LGB community at large goes ahead with these measures anyway and then celebrates en masse because it nets them the rights they want now instead of standing together with its transgender brothers and sisters to support equality for EVERYONE. Transgender rights can come later, they say, it'll just have to be separate. Well, it's come too late for all of the dead transmen and women who weren't legally protected just because they were different, and this sounds a lot like 'separate but unequal' to me. Why the fuck is the LGBT community self-segregating? We should stand together. We're sure as fuck going to fall alone.

It's not a question of being unable to love myself and seeking acceptance at large, as one person suggested to me. I love myself just fine and I don't need people to sing some kumbaya bullshit with me if they don't believe it or are transphobic assholes, and in fact I'd really rather not associate with assholes at all. But until I have legal protections as a fully-fledged human being, which in the country of my residence (the United states) I do NOT, I DO need to get angry and fight for acceptance. I DO need to fight to be treated with respect. I DO need to fight for basic human rights which are not legally afforded to me. I DO need to be anything but a placid pushover who'll roll over and take it up the ass and chuckle along with people who degrade the core of my very identity for a cheap laugh.

So don't laugh it off and chant hakuna matata[2] at me -- what the fuck is wrong with you? My life matters, my health care matters, my rights matter, and my human dignity matters.

I will not shut up and smile. I will not be called a cuntboy. I will not stand by and let any other person of trans or intersex experience be called a cuntboy if they are not comfortable with it, which the overwhelming majority are not.

Instead, I'll get angry.

My fondest regards to those of you who are openminded enough to listen and actually hear,
Greg

[1] This was said to me elsewhere; "People take themselves too serious these days, what is in-between our legs and what people think is between our legs IS funny."
[2] This was said to me elsewhere specifically regarding living happily and laughing rather than angry and hurt. I AM angry, and I'm not going to LET myself be hurt.