No, this isn't some angst "fuck you all" journal, so please hear/read me out before you say what you wanna say.

I don't need friends. I really don't. I don't seek them out. They just happen. A person that I see around a lot, more often than not I act friendly to them. Eventually we share interests and thus a friendship is born. We hang out, game, share experiences, etc. I didn't need it, but it just happened. It takes a while for me to consider someone a friend, especially a close friend, so when that happens I have friends for life.

Now, should I ever get into a spat with a friend, yeah I'll be grumpy for a while. Any human would be. I would want to settle our differences eventually. This isn't because I need this person in my life, it's because I want them in my life. However, if they don't want me in their life, well that's sad but perfectly fine. I won't hound them about it. They made their decision. I won't die the next day because they're not in my life anymore.

This is why I say "I don't need friends". The reality is that I want them. There are people that I want in my life so I can share experiences with. I enjoy their company. I will be there for them because I want to be, not because I need to be.

I feel like that's the best reasoning for friendship. Doing things for those you care for because you want to. The innate desire to make someone's day, either just because or because they're sad or worried. Saying that "I need you as a friend" seems selfish in my eyes. It sounds more like an obligation for that other person to be there for you.

I don't want to be obligated to someone just as I don't want them to feel obligated to be there for me. Friendship isn't a one-upmanship of who can do the most for who. It's not something you keep a score of. I know I'm guilty of feeling like I owe people when they do something nice for me but honestly it was how I was raised and it's hard to shake.

To my friends; if I give you a gift or do you a favor, it's not because I want something from you. It's not because I need to. It's because I want you to enjoy something, whatever that may be.

I hope that you feel the same way.