I drove all over the damn town today and made like five different stops before I realized my wallet was not in my pocket

so I retraced my steps and went back to every place I'd been, even knocked on strangers' doors all "yo I parked my car here like an hour ago, did you see a blue wallet on the sidewalk by your house?" no dice

so I called my mom and asked her to stop by my house, see if maybe I'd forgotten it, she checks, nope, it's not in the house

so I went to the bank and had them cancel my debit card and they were like "ok, but you can't claim the new one until you've got a photo ID"

so I went to the DMV to get a new license, waited for like half an hour with 50000 other people until they announced "hey sorry everyone our printer's broken we can't make any ID cards lol"

so I went to the police station and reported my wallet as lost and they were like "whatevs"

then I started driving home and my landlady calls, "did you lose your wallet? somebody left a wallet by your door"

so LUCKILY my wallet is not lost and I can just go pick up the new bank card next week whatever
the BAD NEWS is I did not get a goddamn thing done otherwise

how the fuck did my wallet end up in the parking lot? did it leap out of my pocket? ?????????

e: also there is a pretty good chance that my mom saw a personal item of a naughty nature lying around while she was checking in the house
I mean, not like it actually matters, but that would just be the icing on the cake fff