So I believe I mentioned before in a previous journal that I have a dog.

He is a male golden retriever, and his name is Shadow. We got him when we was a puppy in 2010, and now he is Nine years old. So we've had him for quite some time now, and he's gotten pretty old in dog years.

And that's where the problem comes in.

This morning, Shadow was perfectly fine. In the new house, we have a yard that is fenced in. And earlier today, he was so hyperactive and playful, and was exploring the yard at his own will. I was there with him, watching him and petting him.

But a few hours ago, at around 7:00 PM, he suddenly became very lethargic and unwilling to move. He just lied down on the floor and refused to stand up. And he was very unresponsive, even when bacon was presented to him. When we gave him water, he just drank it all in one go, like he was really thirsty.

So we took him to the vet. They did an ultrasound, and they found out that there is some sort of organic mass, either on his liver, or on his spleen. And it was causing internal bleeding in his stomach, as well as abdominal swelling. They managed to treat that, but the bigger problem is still there.

The whole time we were there, Shadow was mostly lying down, or leaning against one of us while we were comforting and petting him.

The doctor who checked him out told us that he needed to stay overnight at the vet and be put on medication to make him feel better, so that they could do a biopsy tomorrow and find out what the growth is. He speculated that if it was cancer, depending on what kind of cancer it was, it may or may not be treatable.

But as you can imagine, there is a considerable chance that my dog might... you know. And even if he does manage to stay alive, he's still an old dog. He may only live for another year or so. And that alone is heartbreaking when you realize that.

As a dog owner, I had always been told this day would come. I just wasn't prepared for it.

When I walked in and saw him laying down on the examination table with barely any fight left in him, and with a black strap wrapped around his muzzle, I literally gasped. I was not ready to see him like this. I'm calmer now that I'm at home typing this, but I don't know if I'll be emotionally prepared what may come next.

When we left him, he was going to be shut in a cage to be kept safely. Right before we left, Shadow was leaning his head against my arm as I was holding him gently, and petting him. I was so sad at this point, and barely holding back tears. Thankfully, he was not alone, as there was a kitty cat laying in a cage literally right next to his. So at least he'll have some form of company while he's there.

Now that I've left him, I don't know how I feel. Right now I'm sort of calm, but I know I wont be tomorrow. I feel so conflicted and emotionally downcast. This happened all so suddenly. I didn't expect this would happen today out of all times.

I remember praying to God to take care of him, regardless of what happened.

All I can do is hope for the best. I have no idea what will happen. I can't predict the future. But I'm trusting the doctors to do what they can for him, and nothing more.

All I can do is wait for the results. And whatever happens, I will have to accept it.

I know it will not be easy, but it's the only thing I can do.

That's all I think I can write. If anything else happens, I may or may not write about it. We'll see.