I'm in a lot of pain right now. I've come to realize how shitty of a person i have become and it hurts. It hurts so damned much.

Here I sit in my office at work. Tears blurring my eyes and raining down upon my laptop. This hurts so damned bad. All I want to do is go home and go to sleep.

Sleep will make the hurt go away.

I feel like I betrayed people. Pleople that care about me a great deal that I have takn for granted.

I hurt somuch. I just want to go home and go to sleep.

I know that they feel that they don't need to forgive me. I know. It still hurts at how much of a shitty friend and shitty person i am. I can't go home and go to sleep becuase i still have four more hours of work to go.

Sorry for the typos. I'm failing at grammar at the moment and don't have the where with all to proof read. I'm just blindly stumbling along in a ball of red hurt. My nerves are frayed. My mind isn't registering. My chest is a mass of ache.

I deserve it because I'm a shitty person. I'm a shitty friend.

I don't now why I have good people in my life. I don't deserve them. I never have. I've always been weak. Weak of mind, weak of body, weak in spirit. I'm the lowest common denominator. I am mud. You can't break down mud but you can't build anything worth a damn with it either.

I found out it's easy to be a douche. No effort to it. I became one to avoid pain. I hid behind cynicism like a coward without realizing it. I never wanted to hurt like I do now. It just made it worse.

I don't have any right to be forgiven though it already has been. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you people.

All I deserve is sleep in a hole. Dark, silent, alone. That is my rightful reward.

I just want to go home and go to sleep.