For those unaware, I've been struggling with RPG Maker for a long, long time. And recently on Twitter, I've spammed my contacts' feeds with a wall of Tweets about my thoughts on the subject. It covers some inner demons of mine too, hence my thought to relay it here. Copy-and-pasted, here's what I've got to say...

I know I get too big for my britches about #gamedev but like... I'd like to create something someday. I think I keep overwhelming myself, and losing commitment till I eventually quit. I've got a thought or two about that, if you're willing to muck through another thread.

I've gone through a lot without making much of a first step. I've wasted a lot of money on engines and assets that wind up not getting used. All the while, I keep thinking my ideas aren't worth it. I keep trying to buy happiness. I keep thinking, "just one more commission". Just one more asset pack. Just one more drawing. Just one more piece of art to add to my collection, and it'll be worth it.

It's not worth it, because I can never make up my mind on what kind of game I want to create. I hadn't known how to gauge my strengths in game making. And this vice of mine extends into more than just game dev, too. I don't struggle with my own artwork because I keep thinking, "I'll never be good enough. It's all for nothing".

It's not for nothing. My skills improve as I work at them. And I can do things others cannot.

To tie this back into #gamedev, I know my strengths and weaknesses by now. Every project where I've fiddled with the #rpgmaker database, and nothing further? It's taught me something about the kind of game I'd love to play. The kind of game I'd like to make a reality.

I... love combat. Simulated combat, but the thrill of the fight nevertheless. I like martial arts, both Eastern and Western. I like magic that's more in-depth and less flashy than, say, "fireball-to-win" styles. Something with more brain power than just spamming arcane damage. I love D&D, and especially old-school D&D. As much as I can have fun with *any* edition of the world's most popular RPG, there's an esoteric, gritty, archaic and downright ARCANE feel to OD&D, B/X and 1e AD&D that reminds me of the first time I'd ever played a "real" TTRPG. I love the Wizardry series of computer games, especially the concept behind it all. That D&D vibe of descending to a dungeon, fighting monsters and solving simple riddles, trying to make it as far as you can before your resources run dry and your party starts dying off. And as much as I suck at it, I love the Souls series. I love how it can tell a story through its melancholy narrative without shoving it down your throat, all through its various esoteric item and spell descriptions.

So here's what I propose to myself for my game-to-be this time, this most recent pipe dream of #rpgmaker creation.

I drop the JRPG story BS. I make a game that relies on quasi-8-bit assets, ones that I *know* I can tweak easily on a graphical level. I make a game that is just the player, their pre-selected party of few-in-number, but tight-in-mechanics classes. And I pit that player, their party and their wits against a single mega-dungeon. Find loot, kill monsters, and get as far as you can each session in one piece. All the while, the dungeon and the meager town outside of the subterranean hell tells a story in and of itself. A story of a world that's not quite the same as its glory days generations ago. A glimmer of hope to make things right, among a grim dungeon crawl.

It's an idea I tried to make into a webcomic on dA once before, but didn't get past the third strip with. An idea inspired previously by a Wizardry 1 OVA, and also will carry vibes of Sonic SatAM.

The Veil Grove Hollow.

I'll feature more about it as I feel it right to reveal it. That being said, I don't think releasing all my secrets will be productive toward my creation of the game. I'll find a way to compromise.

Thanks for reading the thoughts of this daft vixen, if you've made it this far.