There's been a lot on my mind this evening. I'm sorry, but here's another blog entry where I discuss personal flaws and self-reflection.

It's no surprise to me that I am very impressionable. I really am. Being on the Autism Spectrum probably has something to do with that. Trying to tackle the personal issues in the order I've presented them in the entry title, I'll go ahead and try with as much coherence I can offer. Which, I'll be honest, might not be a whole lot.

At this current point, I am a SJW as far as politics go. There's no beating around the bush, considering the views I give Likes to on Twitter, and what fills it. The thing is though, I don't WANT to be one. As liberal as I am, I'm no anarchist, communist or feminazi, which the vast majority of SJWs are. I know that the term "SJW" practically has no meaning the way people throw it around these days, so I'll clarify -- I'm not an extremist loony when it comes to being a lib.

Things have gotten dark since the 2016 elections, but I'd rather fight to see things improve in this country (which I'm sure they will as times goes by, especially due to inclusiveness) than emigrate. A second civil war or a dissolution of the country is probably the last thing we need, but something I heavily fear because of the intense polarization of the right and left these days. Despite this, the only thing I will not relent on as far as politics go is the treatment of queer folks, which is a good means to segue into the next topic...

...I've debated my gender every since I realized I could. At the end of the day, if you were to ask me, "what gender would you want to be if you could start a new life", I'd give just one: I don't know. I really don't. Gender isn't an easy thing, but the sheer choice paralysis of queer gender identities is rough. Things that don't fit the gender binary definitely work for others, but I don't know how well it works for me. And honestly, I've got two ideas of what might be alright if I can decide.

First, I've always kind of held my femme online/fursona identities as being the "feminine" side of me that manifests, whereas my real-life self has always come off as male; as such, I might just be some weird form of genderfluid, as suggested to me before by a veritable mentor over the years. Alternatively, I might just be cis-male and not up for the "toxic masculinity" that feminists believe exists, but that's not entirely something I'm ready to associate with right now if so.

Lastly, uniqueness. I've gone way, way, WAY out of my way to try and be unique, and usually in the worst of ways. I am very wishy-washy about game and writing ideas, and I know that I have to get over that if I want to succeed at stuff. Having specific character archetypes I like -- roguish lads, cat-girl tomboys, and others -- is one way to keep something fresh. As evidenced in my Eka's Portal exclusive, my interactive story called "A Lion in Scarlet", I also like to spice up the usual fantasy setting with Mediterranean tones, as opposed to the commonplace medieval-European fantasy world.

But playing to game types I don't like (Wizardry clones and games with retro-style assets, unfortunately, don't fit the bill for games I'd actually want to make) as well as genres that I cannot properly write about (post-apocalyptic and sci-fantasy are the two biggest culprits there) are bad ideas. I need to spice things up in ways that make the stuff I know how to do interesting -- genres don't matter so much as what I can do with them. And if trying to be "original" or "innovative" is paralytic, then there's no point in holding myself back like that.

...so yeah. That's kind of my thought process about these sorts of things. Thanks for your time reading this.