The title says it. Artist block has kicked me in the ass once again. I dunno why, but its gotten to a point where I cant draw anything decent for 10 days before I put something online and wait another 10 days. It's ridiculous. How is it that I take so slow to make a good drawing and so many users on this site can come up with something within a few days and put something up once a week or so. I mean, I know that is not always the case with some users on this site, but I want to become active. I am so sick and tired of having these moments.
Maybe I should stop doing art because I feel like I have to. I should just try to do it when I want to and allow myself to enjoy it. I want to be able to expand my artistic capabilities and such, but it's so challenging when you are so self conscious and stressed out about so many things in life.
Also, I am lonely as heck. My parents care about me so much, but I'm not sure if I really want to ask them for help anymore as I have done so many times, but they keep giving me the same advice. It is getting kind of annoying now. I bet they would give a thousand crud apples for me, but they don't seem to know exactly how to help me. At least from my point of view they don't. Because in everyone's eyes, perhaps even my own, I am just a stupid predictable angsty teenage boy.
I don't have a whole lot of friends, and I don't get out of the house a whole lot because I am so shy and introverted. I don't go to school anymore and never have since age 11, but as of now I am home schooled and do most of my education online. Although I do occasionally go to a Youth Group on the weekends and hang out with other teenage Christians like myself, I hardly get to see them because I only see them once a week. I have bad anxiety that I have to tame using some form of medication. And worst of all, I have no idea how I'm supposed to make any friends online. No one ever talks to me, and I doubt that anyone will find me as an interesting person. The majority of people who are on this site already fully grown adults. I bet that when they realize I am a teenager, they will just immediately role their eyes and not want to even bother talking to me because of my age.
So yeah... now you know more about me I guess. Is this just typical teenager troubles to you? Is all of this making you cringe right now as you read this when to me it is actually a serious issue? I feel as though all the adults on this site will barely have any sympathy for a kid who is just "too edgy" and "a whiny brat" to them. I don't even know why I am writing this. Maybe it's some sort of cry for help. I don't know. What I am more curios about is, is anyone going to hear me. Again, I don't know. I guess I just feel like I want to tell people how I am feeling. I tried very hard not to sound so cliche with this journal as I know that many journals about stress at a young age tend to sound the same. I just want to socialize hopefully and make a good impression here. I may not actually be a furry, but I still at least want to be part of some sort of community, even if its online. I think knowing that there would be someone who I could talk to or who could with me would make me feel a bit safer.
5 January 2018 at 23:13:09 MST