Feels weird to be posting journals on Weasyl again but I'm not so inclined to do this through tumblr anymore because man... that place is twitchy. Anyway.

A lot has happened since the last time I was an active Weasyl member in... 2014? Yeah, 2014 sounds about right.

I've been in and out of... a number of relationships I've lost count of: two being abused, two being driftaparts,the most recent one being... where I was the shithead who got the blockdelete... mmm... I think I should focus on friendships rather than relationships for a while. Discord has kinda been my place to do that.

I remember I used to be quite open and give-no-fucks about my mental health, attitudes on life, etc. but I was often quite blind to how problematic I could be, or how I was being used and manipulated by problematic people. Of course, this extended to how I treated my friends and well, maybe it was karma that caused my mad dash-and-scramble out of the Weasyl community. Paranoia? Self insecurity? Personal agenda? I'm not too sure, but... I miss this place.

I miss the people I could talk to on here. Sinking deep into fandom, deep into the psyche, being a psychonaut of the mind and pulling my own subconscious apart thread by thread into my art, writing, music and journals. I want to be able to do that again and find likeminded people who can see the deeper meanings behind their creations, headworlds, the "characters" and "selves" that come forth.

I'm seeking diagnosis for the PTSD that hit me come my dad's death, digging further into the potential for Dissociative Identity Disorder, looking at how my (our?) mind(s) have been separate since before this event even. And I'm tired of trying to reach out in the wrong places for validation - my last relationship only hurt the people I care about, because I couldn't take the time to understand myself before trying to interact on a mutual understanding with them. And I would use reddit, but... this is their safe space. I'm not going to intrude on that, especially since they asked me not to. And tumblr being the other place where I don't feel welcome either.

So here I am back on Weasyl. I hope the radical minds are still here after two years or more. And if they're not... I want to apologise for the disturbances that happened in the community back then. And I also hope that maybe I can rebuild what Weasyl once was for us.

So... introduce yourself in the comments. Maybe we've got things in common. Let's start some discussions.