Joe held his paw over his eye as he pounded on the door to Blaise's apartment.

Blaise answered, "Joe."

"Have you seen Mary?"

"She was just here." Sylvia, the ringtail's snow leopard girlfriend had a curt tone in her voice. Joe noted both of them were wearing towels. Damn it, Joe thought, it's the middle of the damn day.

"Do you know where she went."

"Away from you, we're guessing. What the hell did you do to her?" Blaise accused.

"Me? She threw my phone at me! Hit me in the eye, broke the phone. Which was why I didn't call first."

"Why did she do that?" Sylvia still accused.

"It started with a little argument, then she started screaming at me. Eventually she broke down crying. I calmed down and tried to comfort her and then she exploded. She stormed out crying. I've been trying to find her and put ice on this...,"

"Let me see," Sylvia stepped up and pulled Joe's arm down. "Eesh..., come in, we'll get you some more ice."

They led Joe in and he sat down at Blaise's kitchen table. "What was the argument over?"

"I spilled a glass of juice on her. It was an accident, I didn't think it was a big deal. She was irritated. I tried to make light of it, but she started getting angry."

"You need to give her room," Blaise said, "When arguments like this happen, just retreat to your seperate corners until you remember that your relationship is more important than... spilled juice or whatever."

Sylvia handed Joe an ice pack.

"Look, I'm not angry at her. I'm worried about her. There was just something off about the whole thing. She left her phone in my apartment and I've been looking for her everywhere. Did she say or do anything while she was here that seemed wierd?"

"She was upset. We were kind of annoyed because we wanted to be..., you know," Sylvia went on. "She asked us questions about how we make our relationship work when we've had an argument. We told her what Blaise just told you."

"Then she asked a bit about violence," Blaise said quietly.

"We told her that someone shouldn't stay with an abusive partner. We thought you might have tried to hurt her."

"Me? No, never. She threw the phone...,"

"That's what she meant, she was talking about herself," Blaise said, horrified.

"She walked out of here really calm-like shortly after that," Sylvia said slowly.

Joe breathed heavy. "I... had thought I misheard. I thought she meant 'you' but she must have said 'I.' I thought I heard her say 'I don't deserve happiness.'"

Sylvia and Blaise both swallowed. "I'll call around to everyone, see if we can get them looking,"

"Should we call the police?" Blaise asked.

"Too soon, they won't do anything yet. Blaise put some clothes on and head out. You go, too, Joe. She couldn't be gone half an hour, she's probably not far. I'll call either of you if I hear anything."

"I don't have a phone."

"You said Mary left hers in your apartment. Use that."

"Dammit!"

---

Joe checked the bridge, she wasn't there. Blaise was checking the roofs of various buildings, last he had heard. Sylvia was staking out Mary's apartment, in case she returned, while keeping everyone posted. Matt and Kayla had been contacted and were helping with the search. As were Kay and Jack. Cindy and Trisha were at class and hadn't been contacted yet. That figured, given they were about the best equipped to handle this sort of thing.

Joe was sweaty and out breath and tired of looking. He couldn't give up on her. It was a big school, too many places to look. Hopefully she hadn't done anything rash. He tried to think of places she might go.

Joe walked toward the park area. He began looking around all of the trees. This was one of Mary's favorite places. He saw her, sitting underneath a tree, crying. He breathed a sigh of relief. He texted Sylvia quick that he found her.

Joe stepped carefully up to the black cat. "Mary."

"Go away."

Joe sat down near her. "Please, you know I care about you. I want to help you, but you need to tell me what's wrong."

"I don't deserve to be happy."

"Why not?"

The cat mumbled.

"Is this about throwing the phone? It's okay, it doesn't hurt," Joe lied.

"It's not about that!" Mary yelled at him.

"Then what? Please, Mary, tell me, please?"

She looked down at herself for a while. "My father killed my mother. He beat her to death right in front of me. I thought he was going to do the same to my sister and me. He always beat her. Always got angry at her over the slighest thing. And he killed her. Just killed her. Took her life."

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "What happened to him?"

"He's in jail. Life sentance. I wish they would have just shot him."

"He can't hurt you, though. It's alright."

"Dammit, don't you see? I'm his daughter. I have those same genes. I get angry and pissed off over small shit and I don't know what I'll do. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to hurt anyone but I don't know what to do. I just can't be around anyone. I'm a monster."

Joe said nothing for a while. He moved over and sat down against the tree. "You can change, though. You can be a different person."

"I've tried that. And I already hurt you over nothing," she cried again.

"Look, we'll talk to Cindy or Trisha about it. I forgot you're new around here. They both work and volunteer at a center for these group meetings. And they do alot of work with psych help groups. Like PTSD and stuff. They also know their way around the psych stuff at the student health building. We have that here. And you have health insurance through the school with mental health coverage. You have lots of options."

"Can I just talk to Cindy? I like her better."

"Trisha wouldn't say anything to anyone. I know she's a gossip, but she wouldn't dare cross that line. Ask her about something someone told her in confidence and you'll probably get your throat slit. But we can just talk to Cindy if you want. Or you can, I don't need to be present.

"And if you want to talk about abusive parents, I'm sure Kay'll be happy to talk to you."

"He's worse than Trisha."

"He's a tramp but he's safe. He won't do anything unless you ask him to. Just a thought, though."

They sat quiet for a while.

"You want to know a secret about me?" Joe asked. "I'm a virgin."

"So?"

"You have no idea how much that just meant to me. Yeah, my family was pretty religious. The whole no sex until marriage thing got drilled into me hard. And I was pretty well disowned when I came out that I was gay."

"You're gay?"

"Bi, not that I'd tell them that at this point. 'Oh, if you're bi then you can find a nice girl.' By the way, in the off chance that any of them actually come to our wedding, you're going to have to pretend to be a dude."

She giggled. Joe smiled, she was feeling better. "But yeah, I still actually wanted to abstain. That's one of the reasons I started persuing mainly guys. My third girlfriend cheated on me. She didn't feel like waiting. Of course the guys were just as bad. I wanted to hold off, they wanted to screw around from at latest date three. My first girlfriend's father was right, men only want one thing," he sighed.

"But yeah, I gave up on the dating scene. Figured I could take care of things well enough on my own, anyway."

Mary giggled again.

"Oh, you have a sense of humor about that? So yeah, haven't met anyone who I've actually wanted to stay with long enough to have sex. I never thought it was such a big deal, but everyone else seems to have had a dozen partners at least since they were thirteen. It's that damn stigma that's more annoying than anything."

"I..., don't want to have sex yet. I haven't. I've kept to myself all my life. You're my first boyfriend ever. And..., I'd be happy waiting until we're married."

He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm going to try to call Cindy now, see if she's available to talk."

"I..., don't know about all this."

"I think it will do you some good. Just talk to her and see what she has to say."

"Okay."