Bloated Ego

By Fern

Disclaimer: This is a gift. Please do not use or distribute this story in any way, both as the original or an altered copy, without the permission of the reciever.

The industrial area of the city can be quite noisy. It is a melody of clanking pipes, blaring horns, and bellowing whistles. On Sunday, the place completely changes its tune. It becomes a quiet place that gives seclusion from the hustle of the white-collar life. Staring at the various buildings with this atmosphere gives a strong sense of mystery. Only a few folks are still working, making sure that nothing is missing for Monday. The way warehouses are now, they appear to be abandoned. Anything could be going in them.

A perfect place for a certain someone to perform their most devious crime yet.

A red and blue streak cuts through the air as it wastes no time entering one of the warehouses. Urgency doesn't use doors.

Inside the warehouse, one of the high windows explodes into a shower of glass. The colorful blur comes to a stop in mid-air, revealing it to be one muscular collie. His body is covered in tight red spandex, making no attempt at subtly when it comes to his figure. A pair of brown spandex briefs covers his crotch with a huge waist belt covering the top. A golden buckle settles on this belt with a specialized and bold double "C" that matches the larger and more profound letter on the front of his chest. His brown cape flows behind him before settling on his back.

It took him no time at all to find his target. He sticks out like a sore thumb, probably because he's almost shaped like the end of a thumb. The huge bat below looks at the hero above. He heard the noise all too well with those big sonar-detecting ears of his. He looks at the collie with a devious grin, acting like he has already won. The bat's body is covered completely in a tight green suit. Boots, gloves, and covers in darker shades cover the bat's limbs and his wings. A belt presses into the bat's balloon-like gut, although it doesn't look like it'll pop off just like the rest of the suit. Even though the bat has a beer gut the size of an SUV, the suit is in no danger of tearing even the slightest bit. The back of his head is also covered in the suit while his eyes glare through his single-lens goggles with confidence and egotism.

The canine breaks the ice first by landing on the ground, simply walking toward the bat.

"Don't move, Courageous Collie," the bat orders as he pulls a sophisticated dart gun from nowhere. The collie puts up a defensive pose until he hears the rest of the statement. "Or the mayor gets it!"

The dog looks toward to what Bloat is pointing at. He gasps as he sees what was hidden behind a stack of boxes. It's indeed the major, but she's bloated almost like one of the many parade balloons that are in her likeness! Her business suit, which somehow survived the whole expansion, stretches over her taut and spherical body. Her limbs are practically nonexistent as her hands and feet are sticking out of some divots. Her wings are pumped into simplified tube shapes with her feathers spreading out inches apart. She stares at the hero with a quivering gaze. A clamp is locked over her mouth with a hose attached to it. Quickly scanning the path, the collie can see the hose is connected to a pump that is attached to a barrel of explosive powder!

"Mmnnngh," the eagle cries at (hopefully) her hero.

"What did you do to her, Bloat Bat," CC screams at the bat.

"Of course an idiot like you wouldn't understand such a simple yet brilliant scenario. Why our good ol' mayor is just going to put on a little fireworks show for her fair city. You can say she's going to be showing her patriotism one last time before she... retires," BB laughs like maniac at the end of his little exposition.

"There are people who will take her place, bat." The collie punches into his own hand with enough force to shake almost every box in the warehouse. "Not that I'm implying you'll win."

BB chuckles as he shakes his head, unfazed by the threat. "Stupid stupid dog. Where do you think the show is going to be?"

The realization hits the hero like a speeding eighteen-wheeler.

"Ah, he can learn after all, ladies and gentlemen! That's right. What I got back here is a modified artillery gun that'll launch her right into Town Hall. I mean they barely have time to leave the office what with all that paperwork, I thought it'd be a nice gesture to start the show as close as possible~"

The canine pulls back his arm.

"Nuh-uh-uh," Bloat wags a finger at the hero. "Even if I fail by letting her pop here, I know you wouldn't risk her life. You don't want to go back to your lil' celebration party empty-handed, do you?"

The canine puts his arm back down, growling murder at the bat.

"Good boy..."

CC's ears perk up as he hears cocking.

"But you're as stupid as you look." SNAP!

CC fires two beams from his eyes, disintegrating the dart. He rolls in an aisle between the boxes as the bat keeps shooting darts at his direction. While they may seem like the type of darts you find in a child's toy, what makes them dangerous is what's hidden inside the bulb: a needle attached to the liquid inside the dart. At the side of dart gun, there are two chambers carrying two different types of venom made fresh from the bat's fangs. The right side has green venom that adds a ridiculous amount of pounds to anyone's physique. The other chamber has purple venom that hisses a tremendous batch of air in the victim's body. As funny as the outcome of either choice would be, what makes them dangerous is how potent they are. It takes only one dart to make anyone grow so big, that they'd be unable to move. They'd be sitting ducks.

The collie continues to dodge dart after dart. BB may not be shooting a lot, but he's taking his time with his aim. He's even making him jump by shooting where he predicts the collie would go next. Normally, CC would have no problem shooting the dart gun out of the bat's grubby hands, but he risks hitting the major that's just next to him. The heat emitting from those lasers would end up wiping this warehouse and the mayor off the face of the planet.

"Aw, this is no fun. Aren't you going to fight back or keep running away," BB grumbles as he starts to get bored of the collie's pacifism. Click click click. "Ah shoot."

The collie can hear the bat trying to reload the see-through chamber with fresh darts. He takes this opportunity to discreetly hide out of view and check his environment. This is a warehouse. There has to be something he can use in one of these boxes. The canine pulls out planks from the sides of a few crates, looking for anything he can use.

"Alright, pup," the bat snickers. "Time for round t--hmpf!"

His declaration is cut short the moment he stops looking at his gun. A medicinal breathing mask smacks his face, making him fall over on his large tush. The tubing fits in his nostrils perfectly. BB shakes his head to regain his composure just in time to see one angry collie flying towards him almost in mach speed. The bat loudly eeps as he tries to go for his gun that fell on the floor. He doesn't get the chance as CC snatches his neck in his large muscular hand. He can feel himself being lifted off the floor with ease as he kicks his big green boots in the air.

The collie glares at the bat as he hits an imaginary bell with his free hand. "Ding, ding."

Pulling out some gauze out, the dog puts the starting end on BB's neck and holds it down with some strong medical tape. The villain gasps for breath as CC lets him go...

...only to deliver a wallop of a left hook across the bat's jaw. BB spins almost like a tornado as the hero carefully pulls on the gauze. The bat can feel his throat getting squeezed tighter until it is almost as thin as liquorice. The bat sees balloon-toy stars circle around his head as he slowly comes to a stop. The dog quickly ties the other end shut, trapping an entire roll of the thick bandage around his neck. The bat can barely breathe with that on. His chin rests on top of the gauze, being his only support to not let his head sway all over the place.

While BB is still out of it, the hero grabs his muzzle and pulls out some rope. He ties the bat's muzzle shut and uses some of the medical tape to cover the edges of the mask. The dog looks over to the table BB was using and grins as he spots his various tools of the trade. He leads the other end of the breathing mask to one of the green hydrogen tanks. Using a weaker version of his laser eyes, he melts and fuses the plastic tubing to the metal nozzle.

With another series of rapid shakes of the head, Bloat snaps out of his nearly knocked-out state. He spots the collie holding one of his tanks as he walks over to him. He pulls BB by his stretched neck to lead him out the nearest door outside the warehouse. Courageous drops him on the ground. He pulls off the bat's hood as he stretches it a few feet behind the bat. He gives out another double laser beam as he slices the hood right off. It slowly dawns on the bat just what the collie is up to. The dog walks back to the tank.

With his neck compressed so thin, the poor bat can barely make a sound as he tries to beg. The collie chuckles over the fact how cocky BB was just a few minutes ago. He places his hand on the handle, grinning at the bat.

"Nn-nh nn-nh," Bloat shakes his head.

Courageous nods.

"Nn-nh nn-nh!"

He nods even more with a wider grin and gives the handle a strong spin. The handle already goes through three full rotations in less than a second. Courageous grabs the handle again as he bends it side to side before it comes off with a snap. Dropping the useless tool on the ground, he simply gives a single wave goodbye before walking back into the warehouse. No words needed to be said. The expression on the bat's face was priceless enough.

Bloat Bat tries to wobble over to the door while pulling his arms against the rope. The hose flicks about like a snake and hisses like one as well. Eventually, the bat can feel the cold and industrial air tickle the insides of his nostrils. The air travels down his sinus where it mostly bloats those chubby cheeks of his into puffy throw pillows. If he could just get his arms free, he could pull out the tubing in his nose...!

However, it becomes a bit more difficult to formulate plans. The bat can hear the hissing is even closer. He grunts and whines as he feels his ears twinge from the loud noise. When he felt a huge pressure inside his ears, he realizes why the hissing is so loud. The air is traveling up the passage in his nose!

"Mffph," screams Bloat as his eardrums start to bloat out so much that they can be seen outside his body. The way they're taut and the color they appear to be almost makes them appear to be as usable as a real drum. He tries to call for help from anyone, but no one comes to his aid. A part of his plan was to choose a warehouse that would most likely have no witnesses. At this time, the workers would be at the other side of the lot checking the inventory in another warehouse. They have already done their check here, so no one else is coming toward the bat anytime soon. He curses himself that a feature of his genius plan is now a consequence.

With the tank in full blast, it doesn't take long for BB to feel the air travel through his inner ears. He can feel the hydrogen start to stretch his cranium as his head grows in size.

"Mff! Mfff," Bloat screams, but his thin neck can barely let him make a sound loud enough to be heard let alone be louder than the hissing of the tank. His eyes widen in terror... and stay that way. His eyes slide bit by bit out of the socket as the bat feels he can almost no longer direct his gaze. Soon he's only able to look at slightly opposite directions.

With his head about the size of a weather balloon, the bat starts to feel quite lighter. Of course, with his heavy belly, he can't float off the ground just yet. However, with the tubes of his inner ear becoming more and more stretched to handle the pressure, his head starts to pick up the pace in growing. Not before long, the starts to look like a comical novelty balloon of its former self. The bat starts to panic when he feels that he's on the ends of his boots.

"Mffmffmff," he screams as he feels himself start to hover. He kicks with his rubber boots. The soles barely brush against the ground for a few seconds before they only hit air. He kicks even more gusto as if it'll somehow get in back down. If anything, it makes his flight upward a bit more erratic.

BB can feel the air trying to travel down the throat, but, with about 3 inches of material taped down around his neck, not much hydrogen can go down. With the head being the main focus, it doesn't take long before his eyes start to grow along with his head. They still bulge out, but they grow to fit along increasing size of his sockets. His eyesight gets a larger field of vision as his cornea and pupils grow along in proportion to the rest of his head. Too bad they're almost impossible to rotate. They're in a fixed position, almost like the painted-on eyes of a vinyl toy.

The growth starts to simplify the rest of his head. His bloated cheeks start to fuse with the rest of his head, making it appear as a huge brown sphere. His lips jut out as they become bloated like someone who just discovered his food allergy. The hot sun beats down on his stretched skin, giving off a bright sheen. It doesn't take long for the bat to go from hovering to non-stop floating. As the speed increases, he can feel the hydrogen expanding his head even more due to decompression.

Even at this point, he's not even close to popping. BB is known for having limits that could impress even the most experienced of showtoons. The villain tries to ignore the headache as he attempts to calm himself down.

'He'll come back,' BB assures himself. 'He'll just come in at the last moment, shoot the tube, and fly up to humiliate me at some parade to substitute my fireworks show for some corny joke. We'll all have a good laugh. Hahahahaha... ...right?'

Bloat can feel the pressure becoming unbearable behind the front of his face. 'Right?'

His eyes quiver slightly as they start to bulge out to the point where the red veins can be clearly seen. It's hard to tell if they're bulging out of a panicked expression or due to the pressure. 'Right!?'

Shhhhhpf-pop! Both eyes pop out at the same time, bumping against each other as they float as high as their stalks would allow them.

'Oh dear Satan, he's not coming back!!'

Even though he has been giving it his all, the bat tries to find just a bit more effort to give to free himself from the ropes. Granted, he's pretty high up, but maybe he'll luck out and land in the water near the docks. He'd do anything to stop the pain he's feeling right now.

His eyes are practically scorching as they nearly stare at the sun. He could almost feel them drying up, but, with his tear ducts on his face and no way to blink, he has no choice but to take the pain along with possibly the most aggravating migraine of all time.

His head can't be modified any further, so it just simply continues to grow. At this point, his head is much wider than his tubby body. It almost looks like a hot air balloon only with a green suit replacing the basket. The huge green hydrogen tank dangles underneath him almost like a sandbag whose rope didn't quite get cut. Bloat sweats under the scorching sun. He could almost make out with his eyes that he's near cloud level. His ears whine over the loud sounds of groaning and creaking. Minutes start to feel like hours as the anticipation of his big head draws nearer to the final conclusion. He can't give up now though. His arms are almost free as the rope starts to loosen after the constant wiggling. He can still feel the plastic tube against his face and over his lips. His goal to be free is so close, yet so difficult to obtain.

Even though he can't possibly pick up the pace any more than he already could, that doesn't stop him from trying when he hears those groans getting even louder. He can feel something is starting to give away. He can't quite focus on where it is, but he doesn't want to wait to find out. The rope is up to his wrists. He just needs a bit more time... SQREEEEEEEEE...!

BANG!!

"Mfff-hfff-hfff," Bloat screams as he thinks it's over. Of course, he quickly realizes he's still speaking. It's just as noticeable as the loud ringing and hissing that's in his ears. Bits of his eardrums drift down like confetti. Even though the air has another passage to escape, it doesn't feel like it's enough for him to start losing air or break even. This is one of his hydrogen tanks after all. Not only does it have a lot of capacity, but it has quite some force to boot. Again, he curses himself for thinking he might need those tanks as a part of his plan, lifting his arms with clenched fists.

If BB was able to still blink, then he'd be doing a lot of it right now. He realizes his arms are now free! He goes for the tube...

... only to realize it's out of arms reach. His head is so large that it has pushed his only way of freedom yards in front of him. He whines as he continues to swipe at the air in front of him.

'Wait,' he realizes. 'The rope! I could throw it around the tube and...'

The very same rope just hits the ground thousands of feet below him.

"Nffff," he shouts. He continues to try to reach for the hose out of desperation. There's no time to think of another plan. He can already feel his head starting to tear.

Shrrrrrrip! He screams bloody murder as he feels the spin on his head tear open, revealing a layer of stretched muscles underneath.

CREEEEEEEE... He can feel his head starting to make a slight pinging sound. His head shudders so violently that it causes his whole body to shake.

Shrpshrpshrpshrp...! He can feel more of his skin and his veins tear open. It feels like as if a billion needles are slowly starting to pierce him from the inside.

EEEEEEEE...!! The quivering from his anticipating head starts to make the tank swing a bit. He can feel it from the moving weight. Getting one last idea, he musters all of his will to ignore the pain and swing his body as he tries to tilt the hose in his direction.

Ping ping ping ping... Almost...

Pingpingpingping...! He can feel it brushing the tips of his fingers.

PINGPINGPINGPING! 'Just gotta... grab... and... p--'

Courageous steps outside through the same door. He thinks he got just enough of that powder out of the mayor that she'll be safe on her own for a bit. It's not that he won't finish the job, but he has to check how the bat is doing. He must be big enough that he can tie him down somewhere by now.

The collie looks up as he tries to find a big brown head in the sky. He finds it, but, much to his surprise, the head looks much larger than he predicted it would be. The eyes are floating above him, and he can barely spot the tears all over his head.

Wasting no time, CC aims for the plastic tubing and blasts out lazers from his eyes. Of course, if there weren't only seconds left before disaster struck, then he would have remembered a certain characteristic most light gasses have...

FHOOOOSH...!!

They ignite.

Despite the distance, the blast was still loud enough for the hero to hear. The explosion let out a large firey blast that consumes the bat from top to bottom. The explosion was so bright that might have been visible from space. The collie can only stare in shock as he watches the Bloat Bat's suit fall. Frozen in shock, CC just watches the rubber garment hit the ground. The suit sizzles from the inside. Had he gain the nerve to look inside, he'd find there's not a single trace of the bat to be seen. The roll of firey gauze rolls up and taps his boot. As Courageous continues to stare at the scene in front of him, he says the first thing that comes to mind.

"... shit."

Bloat Bat is property of Jasu.

2014 © Fern (Pen name.)