I underwent my usual routine of checking my messages on DA after waking up. Three Correspondence requests were present in my Notifications, asking me if I'd permit my three Renamon pieces from this year to join their gallery. Still kinda half-asleep, I chose YES, figuring I could always use more exposure for my artwork of my favorite vixen. A few minutes later, when I was fully awake, I decided that was the conveniently good time to see just what group I agreed to submit my pictures to. As it turns out, it was Anti-renamon-porn, a group that I haven't heard about in quite some time. Just for the record, I'm alright with them displaying my fanart of Rena in their galleries, if they want. But it gave me a moment of pause.

Renamon has since become a more interesting character for me over the years, after a reflection on how my attitude towards and views regarding her portrayal on the Internet have changed. Originally, I was vehemently opposed to any adult or suggestive portrayal of the character, much in line with the members of the aforementioned group. Granted, a lot of this was due to the rather...unsavory contents and portrayals of the Rule 34 the character was largely forced into, and how much of this artwork was appearing whenever I tried to search for reference images or screenshots. When I stopped and thought about it, I understand the rationale. Here was a character who was badass, had an awesome design, and (to me, at least) had a nice voice in the English dub. Here was the (at-the-time) character who managed to appeal to me, despite that I had long since stopped liking Digimon as a franchise. So, to see her be reduced to something of a sexual slave really came off like an insult. It felt like this character's good qualities were being ignored for the sake of "I wanna screw her". And that just didn't sit well with me.

Well, over time, I was further exposed to a variety of art styles and artistic interpretations of the character-as one will inevitably undergo as they explore the growing world of art and try to improve upon their own. During this time, I saw more anthropomorphic takes on Renamon. It was a curious thing. Several of these were suggestive, but didn't feel oh so exploitative and cruel (as was the case with the aforementioned R34 pieces I had previously encountered). In fact, there was an honest beauty to it. I'm not afraid to admit that I think Renamon is beautiful, and this was the time were that opinion really started to develop. I saw takes on her that displayed feminine physiques, nude presentations, and even the occasional sex act that were aesthetically pleasant. It no longer came off like she was degraded for the sake of appealing to people's fantasies, but that she was expanded upon as a character. Sure, these scenarios often showed her with breasts, and some bestowed her with labia. But, at the same time, many of these fanart pieces also showed her character. She was funny. She was playful. She was someone you could hang out with, and someone you could talk to. And, in many of these cases, she was still someone who could kick a lot of ass. In a way, it was developing my liking of the character by adding newer interpretations. It was interesting to see her cast in different roles, acting through different lives, and otherwise doing more than the basis Digimon Tamers character did. She became all the more awesome, and all the more beautiful. (And, by extension, this also led to interesting developments and characterizations for other Digimon I grew to like, such as various interpretations of what the WarGreymons look like and act like when they're not under armor. Even though it usually seems like they'd still fight.)

Of course, that's where the "confliction" part from the title comes into play. Despite this newfound appreciation for Renamon as a character, I was still repulsed by a lot of the stuff she's subjected to. Still am, honestly, due to the depressing number of times I have seen this awesome character be broken down into nothing more than a vulpine-skinned plug. But I was at the point where I liked, faved, and commented on various pieces that ranged between simply giving her anatomical touches, to flat-out Rule 34. And at said point, it instilled concerns of hypocrisy on my part. It seemed as though I couldn't really say anything against such portrayals of Renamon, when I was openly fond of other R34 and suggestive works of her. Granted, it isn't impossible to be alright with a simple R-rated portrayal, but take issue with a portrayal that incorporates elements that would be questionable, if not outright immoral in a real-life situation. But at the same time, it definitely felt like I was turning into a hypocrite. After all, how could I say that I was opposed to the portrayal that rendered her into a sex object, when I have favorited other R34 pieces of her? From a certain standpoint, I'd be a total hypocrite to take issue with this matter. Who the hell was I to take issue with seeing one of my favorite characters be portrayed in such a manner, when I already liked R34 of the character? Did me liking some artwork of the character in this way mean that I was part of the problem? Was I no better?

I guess you could say I'm in the middle of that whole debate, these days. Yes, I like Renamon. Yes, I think she's awesome. And yes, I think she's beautiful. But, at the same time, there is still a lot of stuff on the Internet with her that is disturbing, and can make you understand why such people would be opposed to all portrayals of her in such a light. But that's the power of a character, when they have such an impact on an audience-even if that impact may not be much else than "nice design" with some people. And I do understand the layers of her appeal. She is badass, she develops as a character (in regards to Tamers and other portrayals), she stands out compared to the cutesier and more stereotypically "action-y" Digimon, and she has a decent design and color scheme. And I still don't really like a lot of what's done with her. But, at the end of the day, it's what people want and it's what people do. (I go by a policy of "Don't Like, Don't Comment" for a reason.) Yeah, I still get annoyed when I try to search for reference images and get bombarded by crap of her that I don't wanna see. But in the grand scheme of things, it's art I will just ignore in favor of the cooler and beautiful fanart. And, thankfully, there is plenty more of that these days. And there really should be. She's a good character, and I do like the see the various artistic takes on her. What life does she live, when she's beyond the limitations of Tamers? Well, we have plenty of time to find out.

Yeah, it's all just art. But sometimes, it hits you in a way that makes you think.