Please let me know if the wording needs to be changed and if the card isn't balanced.
Art by SamaelSammy of DA
Definitely better, though in general you want bonuses to be symmetrical, otherwise things are just messy in design. Ultimately this does work though.
Here's how you do proper M:TG templating:
Equipped creature gets +0/+3.
At the beginning of your upkeep, you may sacrifice any number of Souls. For each Soul sacrificed in this way, put a Soul counter on Shield of Souls.
Equipped creature gets +1/+2 for each Soul counter on Shield of Souls.
Equip -- Pay 2 life.
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Draggor2k
Aside from this needing template fixes, it ultimately is not a very good card. You have to kill off otherwise useful things for a temporary benefit that doesn't even do that much. A suggestion would be to put counters on the equipment, and never remove them. I would also remove the requirement of sacrificing Souls as the equip cost, that directly cuts into the usefulness of the card by adding more later.