RAIDERSTUCK part 2
Chief - leader, captain, can shoot plasma blasts from artificial arm
Jet - pilot
Docs - geologist
Bandit - aquatic expert
Axle - driver
Sparks - engineer and explosives expert
But Docs did not see the planet "Land Of Can Do and Will Do", which was this
huge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent
characters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV
show, "BOB NEWS" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be
funny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he
did was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.
The Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST
decisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly
because they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for
some reason, I don't know.
Toa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk
to the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.
Pohatu: "Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was
NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in
their original sets back in 2001."
Lego: "But then we gave you claws after"
Pohatu: "Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!"
Lego: "Okay let's make this up to you"
and Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!!
Pohatu: "Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!"
Lego: "What, are propellers not good enough?" :(
Pohatu: "NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!"
and then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept
giving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons
and tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??
Pohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason.
Pohatu: "I'm gonna wreck it!!!"
but Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line.
Ralph: "Hey that's my line"
and Pohatu punched him in the face.
Pohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it
was just one water tower.
Bob (on BOB NEWS): "Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched
Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!"
But as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone
in the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu
walked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone
never responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really
crappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof
so he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that
Megabloks Master Chief from before.
*over on the LMS Explorer*
Master Chief: "Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie
and I'll be back later"
Chief: "Wait, what?"
Princess: "It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually
supposed to be free originally"
Chief: "Such a rip off!!!"
Princess: "Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to
Chief: "Wait where is Master Chief even going??"
Docs: "A new planet has been discovered!"
but nobody paid attention to him!!
*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)*
Master Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that
Pohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so
Master Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu
got onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.
Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"
Bob: "Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being
helped by a Megabloks dude???"
Master Chief: "Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??"
Vegeta: "Over 9000 miles"
Princess: "No it's 125 miles"
Vegeta: "No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a
stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get"
Kyurel: "So today I drove 125 miles"
Kyurel: "Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find
a radio station that's not country and not in spanish"
(back to the present)
Chief: "So wait is this a real place or something??"
Docs: "As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of
Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?"
Chief: "Can we go there??"
Docs: "Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals"
And then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet
Explorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported
down Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!)
Vegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.
Chief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being
Chief: "Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!"
Jack Stone: "Haha don't feel like it!!"
Chief: "But you gotta stop that bank robbery!"
Jack Stone: "Can do... WON'T DO"
Chief: "Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then"
*Meanwhile in the bank*
Pohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all.
Pohatu: "EVERYONE DOWN!"
and there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff
Greg: "Why? You don't even have a gun!"
Master Chief: "Well I have plasma grenades!"
Greg: "Oh okay then"
Master Chief: "Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two"
Greg: "Haha, no"
Pohatu: "GIMME YOUR DOLLARS!"
Greg: "Okay okay!!"
and Greg handed like five dollars over
Greg: "Now leave me alone!!"
Afterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast
to the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the
police for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really
dumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief
ran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him
than it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could
catch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like
Chief: "Hey come back here!"
but they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack
Stone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason,
probably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and
this was basically the same thing!
Pohatu: "Let's bomb the Lego guys"
Master Chief: "Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane"
Pohatu: "Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?"
Master Chief: "Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman"
Pohatu: "This sucks!"
Master Chief: "To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept
lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills."
Suddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey
Greg: "I need to talk to you, dude"
Chief: "You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know"
Greg: "But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy"
Chief: "Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?"
Greg: "Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very
upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called
Chief: "They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome"
Greg: "They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all"
Chief: "And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop
Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?"
Greg: "We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it
costs five dollars."
Greg: "...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill
bricks! I *did* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here
so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?"
Chief: "But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO"
(Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)
and then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it
was really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he
took Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to
contact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:
Chief: "Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of
Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!"
Master Chief: "Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want
to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something
that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks."
Chief: "And Pohatu doesn't care??"
Master Chief: "He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep
getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!"
Then Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind
Control and he took the phone and started talking.
Onewa: "You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad
franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new
story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame
tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out"
Chief: "That's a terrible idea though"
Onewa (whispering): "Shut up"
Master Chief: "Haha, OK"
Then Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either
trying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and
he wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few
things BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the
helicopter and Chief caught it.
Pohatu: "Haha what are you doing"
Master Chief: "Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will
get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or
something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy
MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard
Pohatu: "That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go
with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better."
And they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief
dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the
wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and
landed OK. He started to run after it.
Just then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.
Ralph: "Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!"
Sonic: "Ahahahaha I'll go get him"
Sonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his
Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic
had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5
Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.
Sonic: "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you"
and then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.
Chief: "Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY"
and Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via
PayPal or something.
Chief: "Wow, convenient!"
Except just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting "CAN DO, WILL DO!" and
because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the
source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the
Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted "I'LL HELP YOU"
Jack Stone: "Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without
the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the
heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa."
Pohatu: "Oh, okay"
Chief: "Call in the generic Res Q boats"
Pohatu: "NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat"
Jack Stone: "Why not just call in the one I already made??"
Pohatu: "OK, do that"
Jack Stone: "CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!"
and then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in
Pohatu: "How does that even work?"
Jack Stone: "I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating
something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say
CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait
for someone to call for me?"
Pohatu: "...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait
Jack Stone: "Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just
save you already"
Jack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got
on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask
of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up
*in Lego headquarters*
Lego: "No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory"
and Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging
Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at
least longer) and created six Doritos Toa:
Toa of Spicy Nacho - Tahu
Toa of Cool Ranch - Kopaka
Toa of Nacho Cheese - Gali
Toa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu
Toa of DORITOS TACO - Lewa
Toa of Pizza Doritos - Onua
Greg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters
on the types of Doritos they represented.
Pohatu: "Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck"
Greg: "Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism
and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked
Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some
nutrition reform or something."
Pohatu: "Oh OK"
And then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he
was famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific
audience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed
The Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way
cheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show
up and fix things.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING, WHAT ABOUT THE RINSE CYCLE?
Oh wait, you're probably actually thinking
"What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???"
Well, the answer is "VERY LITTLE", but I'll make it relevant somehow!
Everyone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting
back on it.
Princess: "Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on
Lego bricks everywhere I walk!"
Chief: "It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though"
Princess: "Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?"
Except, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the
most important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!
------------------------- to be continued???? ---------------------------
It's the second part of Raiderstuck with mostly Bionicle and very little actual Sburb or Rock Raiders stuff