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Raiderstuck (part 2) by NovaSquirrel

Raiderstuck (part 2)



Chief - leader, captain, can shoot plasma blasts from artificial arm

Jet - pilot

Docs - geologist

Bandit - aquatic expert

Axle - driver

Sparks - engineer and explosives expert

But Docs did not see the planet "Land Of Can Do and Will Do", which was this

huge city! Jack Stone lived in the city along with a bunch of incompetent

characters. There was this guy named Bob who always talked about him on his TV

show, "BOB NEWS" that was supposed to be for news but all he did was try to be

funny instead and invite random characters onto the show. Even though all he

did was waste everyone's time he was given money for it by Lego.

The Lego Headquarters happened to be in that city, and they made the WORST

decisions sometimes, and their incompetence caused the city to be run so poorly

because they were totally in control of it. Also the Bionicle were there for

some reason, I don't know.

Toa Pohatu kicked down the door of Lego Headquarters and walked in to go talk

to the Lego company people. BOB NEWS covered it and everyone was watching.

Pohatu: "Okay I know I can kick rocks around like soccer balls but that was

NO excuse to give me a stupid rock when all the other Toa got cool tools in

their original sets back in 2001."

Lego: "But then we gave you claws after"

Pohatu: "Yeah, while everyone else was getting awesome dual-action weapons!!"

Lego: "Okay let's make this up to you"

and Lego gave him these stupid PROPELLERS!!!

Pohatu: "Okay you know what Lego, screw you I'm leaving for Hasbro!!!"

Lego: "What, are propellers not good enough?" :(

Pohatu: "NO, OF COURSE NOT!!!"

and then Pohatu stormed out of Lego Headquarters really mad because Lego kept

giving him all the lamest equipment while all the other Toa got cool weapons

and tools. And then Pohatu turned evil or something??

Pohatu ran to the water tower where Wreck-It Ralph was for some reason.

Pohatu: "I'm gonna wreck it!!!"

but Wreck-It Ralph got mad cuz Pohatu was stealing his line.

Ralph: "Hey that's my line"

and Pohatu punched him in the face.

Ralph: "Ow!!"

Pohatu kicked it and it fell over and SOMEHOW FLOODED EVERYTHING even though it

was just one water tower.

Bob (on BOB NEWS): "Whoa looks like someone wrecked the water tower and punched

Wreck-It Ralph!! Someone call Jack Stone! CAN DO, WILL DO!"

But as it turned out help wasn't actually needed cuz as it turns out, everyone

in the city and the city itself is made of plastic which floats. Toa Tahu

walked in and evaporated all the water anyway with fire powers and Jack Stone

never responded. Pohatu was arrested and put in Lego Jail but it was a really

crappy one with these iron bars that would easily come off but were kick proof

so he couldn't just kick them so he took out his BIONICLE PHONE and called that

Megabloks Master Chief from before.

*over on the LMS Explorer*

Master Chief: "Oh yeah uh guys I gotta go re-enact some of the Jack Stone movie

and I'll be back later"

Chief: "Wait, what?"

Princess: "It's pretty lame, I paid $20 for a copy of it but it was actually

supposed to be free originally"

Chief: "Such a rip off!!!"

Princess: "Not really, it's so bad that it's actually pretty entertaining to


Chief: "Wait where is Master Chief even going??"

Docs: "A new planet has been discovered!"

but nobody paid attention to him!!

*back on the stupid Jack Stone planet (temporarily)*

Master Chief got in some vehicle and pulled up to the Lego Jail cell that

Pohatu was in and the Lego people were dumb enough to put it out in the open so

Master Chief just blew it with a plasma grenade or something and then Pohatu

got onto the vehicle with him. They headed toward the bank.

Vegeta: "Main screen turn on"

Bob: "Hi this is BOB NEWS and Pohatu broke out of Lego Jail!!! And he's being

helped by a Megabloks dude???"

Master Chief: "Oh man we gotta go see what they're doing, how far away is it??"

Vegeta: "Over 9000 miles"

Princess: "No it's 125 miles"

Vegeta: "No mine's cooler cuz I'm using a widely known meme and yours is a

stupid inside joke that basically nobody reading this is going to get"

(years ago)

Kyurel: "So today I drove 125 miles"

Kyurel: "Driving is more fun than sitting in the passenger seat trying to find

a radio station that's not country and not in spanish"

(back to the present)

Chief: "So wait is this a real place or something??"

Docs: "As I was TRYING to tell you, yes, this is a real place. It's the Land Of

Can Do and Will Do. Seems Lego has a headquarters there?"

Chief: "Can we go there??"

Docs: "Duh, we've got almost infinite energy crystals"

And then the LMS Explorer stayed there and they teleported to the Internet

Explorer which went over to orbit the Land Of can Do and Will Do and teleported

down Chief. Most of the crew stayed behind. (A terrible mistake!!!)

Vegeta most definitely stayed behind because it would be annoying otherwise.

Chief walked around on the planet and found JACK STONE just sitting there being


Chief: "Dude what's the deal, you're supposed to be stopping Pohatu!!!"

Jack Stone: "Haha don't feel like it!!"

Chief: "But you gotta stop that bank robbery!"

Jack Stone: "Can do... WON'T DO"

Chief: "Oh come on, I'll do this by myself then"

*Meanwhile in the bank*

Pohatu and Master Chief walked in not holding anything at all.


and there was a guy named Greg Farshtey who did the Bionicle comics and stuff

Greg: "Why? You don't even have a gun!"

Master Chief: "Well I have plasma grenades!"

Greg: "Oh okay then"

Master Chief: "Well uh can you spare us a dollar or two"

Greg: "Haha, no"


Greg: "Okay okay!!"

and Greg handed like five dollars over

Greg: "Now leave me alone!!"

Afterward Pohatu and Master Chief ran to the elevator and went up really fast

to the roof and stepped out and there was a helicopter. It belonged to the

police for some reason! Also they only had one helicopter, which was really

dumb on the city's part. They got into the helicopter with their $5 as Chief

ran into the bank and into the elevator but it was going way slower for him

than it did for Pohatu and Master Chief and they took off before he could

catch up with them. He got to the roof to see them taking off and was like

Chief: "Hey come back here!"

but they wouldn't listen and flew off anyway. Unlike the robbers in the Jack

Stone videotape these guys were actually competent pilots for some reason,

probably because Master Chief had a lot of experience driving Banshees and

this was basically the same thing!

Pohatu: "Let's bomb the Lego guys"

Master Chief: "Dude this is a helicopter not a bomber plane"

Pohatu: "Why didn't we steal a bomber plane then?"

Master Chief: "Because in Lego City you need permission from Lego Bomberman"

Pohatu: "This sucks!"

Master Chief: "To make it worse, we can't spend that $5 here; they only accept

lame Lego coins and those really lame Lego $100 bills."

Suddenly Chief got a call from Greg Farshtey

Greg: "I need to talk to you, dude"

Chief: "You're just one floor below me, you could come up here you know"

Greg: "But the elevator takes soooo long when you're a good guy"

Chief: "Wouldn't it be logical for it to be the other way around?"

Greg: "Haha, logic here? Anyway what I need to talk about is that Lego is very

upset with Pohatu and wants to replace Bionicle with some lame thing called

Hero Factory."

Chief: "They wouldn't! Bionicle is too awesome"

Greg: "They would! They got rid of Lego Universe, after all"

Chief: "And instead of Rock Raiders now we have Power Miners. How do we stop

Lego from replacing Bionicle, then?"

Greg: "We need the Mask Of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans. The problem is it

costs five dollars."

Chief: "And?"

Greg: "...And all the money here is in these stupid Lego coins and $100 bill

bricks! I *did* have $5 but I gave it to Master Chief since it's useless here

so maybe they'll give it back if we ask?"

Chief: "But we don't have a way to contact them. CAN DO, WILL DO"

(Chief was down on the same floor as Greg by then)

and then to both their surprises Jack Stone actually showed up with Oewa but it

was really just so he could show off(?) and not to actually help anyone and he

took Chief's phone and combined it with the Mask Of HALO which made it able to

contact Master Chief and gave it to Chief who called:

Chief: "Hey we need you to return the $5 please so we can buy the Mask Of

Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans and save Bionicle from Lego!"

Master Chief: "Chief, I work for MegaBloks and I hate Lego!!! If they want

to get rid of an admittedly awesome series and replace it with something

that sux I'm not going to stop them because it will only help MegaBloks."

Chief: "And Pohatu doesn't care??"

Master Chief: "He says that if Bionicle continues then the other Toa will keep

getting cool tools that are cooler than his rock and propellers!"

Then Onewa got mad and his mask glowed because he was using his Mask of Mind

Control and he took the phone and started talking.

Onewa: "You guys had better gimme the $5 OR ELSE because Bionicle is a rad

franchise and it needs to last forever. I'll just get Greg to make a new

story arc involving Doritos or something, and then we'll ALL have lame

tools and Pohatu won't feel as left out"

Chief: "That's a terrible idea though"

Onewa (whispering): "Shut up"

Master Chief: "Haha, OK"

Then Master Chief flew back to the bank but in reverse because he was either

trying to show off or didn't know how to turn around in the helicopter and

he wasn't actually looking out where he was going and he crashed into a few

things BUT he got back to where Chief was and dropped the $5 out of the

helicopter and Chief caught it.

Pohatu: "Haha what are you doing"

Master Chief: "Giving the $5 back so they can keep Bionicle alive but it will

get so crappy because they'll have terrible ideas. Onewa mentioned Doritos or

something and then nobody will buy Bionicles anymore and they will all buy

MegaBloks instead and then I will get a pay raise or something for my hard


Pohatu: "That's a pretty stupid plan. I seriously doubt they will actually go

with Doritos as a theme. They'll come up with something better."

And they were soon back at the bank without any major crashes and Master Chief

dropped the dollars out of the helicopter WHILE STILL IN THE AIR and then the

wind carried them away to wherever so Pohatu jumped out of the helicopter and

landed OK. He started to run after it.

Just then, Wreck-It Ralph showed up with Sonic.

Ralph: "Whoa that's the guy who stole my line, running off!"

Sonic: "Ahahahaha I'll go get him"

Sonic ran after Pohatu and Pohatu ran after the $5 except when Pohatu uses his

Mask of Speed it means he can't really see anything while he runs so Sonic

had the advantage because he can run faster without that and soon saw the $5

Pohatu was chasing after in the first place and got to it first.

Sonic: "YOU'RE TOO SLOW, I got the $5 before you"

and then Sonic ran back really fast back to the bank and dropped off the $5.

Chief: "Wow let's order the mask RIGHT AWAY"

and Chief deposited the money in a Lego bank and then paid for the mask via

PayPal or something.

Chief: "Wow, convenient!"

Except just then Jack Stone heard someone shouting "CAN DO, WILL DO!" and

because he was feeling especially generous Sonic ran everyone out to the

source of the sound to see it was Pohatu, stuck in icy water just like in the

Jack Stone video. Jack Stone waved his arms and shouted "I'LL HELP YOU"

Pohatu: "Why?"

Jack Stone: "Dude, I love Bionicle and they can't do Bionicle anymore without

the Toa of Rock! Well, they could, but I want the original 6 Toa as the

heroes again instead of yet another set of Toa."

Pohatu: "Oh, okay"

Chief: "Call in the generic Res Q boats"

Pohatu: "NO, those are totally useless, just have Jack make another Heliboat"

Jack Stone: "Why not just call in the one I already made??"

Pohatu: "OK, do that"

Jack Stone: "CAN DO, WON'T DO! CAN DO, WON'T DO!"

and then he Heliboat showed up for Jack Stone to ride in

Pohatu: "How does that even work?"

Jack Stone: "I have rad technology that listens for anyone anywhere repeating

something retarded like that; how do you think I know to come when people say

CAN DO, WILL DO, unless I actually cause the problems myself and just wait

for someone to call for me?"

Pohatu: "...I always just assumed you did cause everything and did just wait


Jack Stone: "Only sometimes, but we've been stalling long enough, let's just

save you already"

Jack Stone got in the Heliboat and pulled Pohatu onto it and everyone else got

on and then everyone went to Lego headquarters to complain. By then the Mask

of Prolonging Franchises' Lifespans was at Greg's house so they picked it up


*in Lego headquarters*

Lego: "No way, we're definitely replacing Bionicle with Hero Factory"

and Greg punched the Lego company guy and put on the awesome Mask of Prolonging

Franchises' Lifespans and used the powers to extend Bionicle 4ever (or at

least longer) and created six Doritos Toa:

Toa of Spicy Nacho - Tahu

Toa of Cool Ranch - Kopaka

Toa of Nacho Cheese - Gali

Toa of Baked Doritos - Pohatu

Toa of DORITOS TACO - Lewa

Toa of Pizza Doritos - Onua

Greg also magically created a deal with Frito-Lay to have Bionicle characters

on the types of Doritos they represented.

Pohatu: "Okay this is totally lame, baked Doritos suck"

Greg: "Yeah, but I have connections with the Land of Presidents and Patriotism

and I called Joe Biden and told him to make it so you can only buy baked

Doritos at school and say that Michelle Obama did it as part of some

nutrition reform or something."

Pohatu: "Oh OK"

And then school kids recognized Pohatu as the guy on their Doritos and then he

was famous and stuff forever and he was cooler than the other Toa to a specific

audience for once. The kids opened Doritos Stadium in his honor which housed

The Dorito Games which was like the Olympics except all the games were way

cheesier, and when they got dangerously cheesy then Chester Cheetah had to show

up and fix things.


Oh wait, you're probably actually thinking

"What does this have to do with Rock Raiders???"

Well, the answer is "VERY LITTLE", but I'll make it relevant somehow!

Everyone who was on the ship before (yes, including Master Chief!) was getting

back on it.

Princess: "Thank goodness we're leaving this place, I'm tired of stepping on

Lego bricks everywhere I walk!"

Chief: "It's probably like that on the LMS Explorer too though"

Princess: "Maybe I should actually wear shoes or something then?"

Except, they discovered that SLIMY SLUGS HAD INVADED THEIR BASE because all the

most important people in the crew were gone doing stupid Bionicle stuff!!

------------------------- to be continued???? ---------------------------

Raiderstuck (part 2)


It's the second part of Raiderstuck with mostly Bionicle and very little actual Sburb or Rock Raiders stuff

Submission Information

Literary / Story

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