May 19, 1314 V.C.Y.

I've been a soldier since I was fifteen years old. That's four years now, ever since this miserable war with Blackpool began. I've spent most of that time in the field, first as a Corporal and then a Lieutenant. I've seen dozens of battles, some lost, some won, all of them painful. I can hear the cries of the wounded and the dying every time I close my eyes. It makes no difference if they were my friends or those I fought. People who don't know me think that because I can be brave with a sword in my hand, I enjoy fighting. Maybe I do, in a way. There's an exhilaration that comes from finding that Death has passed you by once more, and a certain pride in keeping those under your command alive as well. I've done so well at it I'm a Captain, now. That's the highest rank a vixen has ever held in the Cearnach army. Not that many vixens before me have been allowed to join up at all. I don't care much about the power that comes with my new rank. I signed up to keep my adopted home safe, not for the laurels they place on my shoulders. Still, the respect I receive from my fellow officers is invaluable, and it has quieted the laughing, besides. Old Sergeant Shannon, who trained me, saluted me for the first time when he placed my new badge of rank in my hands. This is the same Sergeant Shannon who once told me that the only use for a vixen was in the bedroom and that I would be scrubbing floors in a year.

Still, every time we go into battle it scares the life out of me. It isn't for myself. I have no wish to die, but I have faith in my Goddess and I know that She will guide my steps in all things and She will bring me to paradise if I fall. My fear is for Ciara and what might become of her without me to look after her. I did not wish to be a mother, but now the task has been given to me I find my love for my daughter growing with every day. I don't like the thought of leaving my daughter by herself in a world as mad as the one we live in. She is innocent still. It comforts me to know Connor loves her and he would claim her as his heir if he could. Others may say what they like about my king, but he has a gentle heart and I never feel safer than when I'm in his arms. He soothes me when I am weak and brushes away the tears that only he may ever see. I know that, if I asked him, he would forsake his kingdom all for the sake of a bastard child who may yet cost him his throne, and me. He knows that I would never demand that of him. What claim could the daughter of a mere trader have on Connor Cearnach? He could rule the whole of Viridis, and more besides, if he wished to.

Tomorrow I will go out and fight for him and for all that I love. If I die, nobody will be able to say that Deirdre Lohan failed in her duty. Tonight, I will bury my heart and my body in Connor's embrace, and I only pray that the strength his love gives me will never fade.

--Deirdre

Art is copyrighted to Shana (http://www.furaffinity.net/user/shana)

Deirdre and Connor belong to me.