It seems like I can better interpret what my head is thinking when I type/write or draw. All visual ques for me, but as soon as I rattle those fibrous chords in my throat to convey a sound that best interprets what my brain is thinking, it gets lost in translation, and it all falls apart.

This comes to the point that I seem very off putting, or I said something completely out of context, when in my head it makes perfect since, a sort of dyslexic speech. I can only show what I really feel through text, or through art, when I can create with my hands, and not with my throat.

It almost seems as though I was put together backwards, that my speech was given to my hands and only noise comes through my mouth. To where I make people upset when I use the wrong word...or I get laughed at and made the center of a joke, because I trip over my tongue...which only seems to be in the way. This is probably why people only seemed interested in me when I could create, which isn't always a bad thing.....but I still felt out of place when the sound that slipped and tumbled over it's own feet suddenly made everyone feel awkward.

And everyone seemed to be able to make these sounds with others and get along quite well, but I never seemed to get it down right. Like a bird singing the wrong song.

I've caused pain with this clumsy tongue and not realizing it till the next day, or created a false assumption of my own persona without noticing, till someone spoke up.

Some people think i'm unintelligible, because I hadn't quiet gotten down this noise making in the correct order....sometimes I even get these little squiggly symbols they call letters mixed up, but that's ok, I can convey myself better with these.

Maybe it's my ears, because my brain can't translate what others sounds are saying till they repeat it, and then their body tells me their upset or agitated with having to move their jaw again, and waste the oxygen they just breathed in. Maybe my ears are broken....maybe that's what learning with your eyes is about.

at this point i'm rambling with my digits on these plastic keys, but...I want people to know that if I ever meet them in person...and I seem to not sound the same as I did through this screen.

I just want to say, i'm sorry I get the words wrong
i'm sorry I forget everyone's name
i'm sorry I can't say what I really feel without getting misinterpreted
or that I suddenly can't remember a simple word like bridge, or apple
i'm sorry that my brain couldn't dance with my tongue and chose my hands over it