Chapter 8

Next morning, the place was heavy with the combined scent of Tokia leaves and sickness. The first thing I did when I opened my eyes was to look towards where the cougar was sleeping to make sure she hadn't thrown up during the night. It didn't look like she had, and for that I was grateful. Whatever I'd done the night before seemed to be working.

She began to stir, and the first thing that came out of her mouth was a low, painful moan. She rolled onto her side and gripped her abdomen tightly, whimpering softly. Her body must have gone through hell the day before for her muscles to be that painful. It only made me feel worse that, when I'd first found her I'd actually considered leaving her out there to her fate.

Well, that was until she opened her eyes and saw me looking at her. I wasn't sure if it was anger, fear, or the shock of realizing she was indoors, but she sprang to her feet and sunk into a fighting pose in a move so fluid, it was poetry. Now, I wasn't trying to be chauvinistic or arrogant, but I didn't bother to stand. Instead I merely sat up, stretched, and yawned. "Well, good morning to you too," I said finally.

"Where am I?" she demanded. "Why am I here?" She bared her fangs in a snarl and ran her tongue over her lips slowly. Once she did that, her savagery seemed to deflate as she tasted what was left of the Tokia leaf paste I'd put there the night before. "Ugh...and what is this?"

"Well, to answer your questions in order," I said, "You're in my dwelling, I took you in last night because you're sick, and what you just tasted there is part of what you'll need if you want to be cured."

"Cured?" she asked. "Cured of what?"

"Therus Fever," I replied. "You threw up green bile last night...that's the first stage of the disease. It gets worse from there." I explained the different phases of the Fever's progression, and her stance seemed to relax a little. I motioned over to the bucket that held the concoction she would have to drink, but she never took those amber eyes off me. In fact, they narrowed with suspicion.

"Why should I believe you?" she countered. "How do I know that's not some kind of drug you used last night to..."

"Ok, you know what? Fine." I got to my feet, and instead of confronting her, I walked over to where my shoes were and started putting them on. I then grabbed my coat and knapsack and moved towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she demanded.

"Out," I said. "I've got better things to do today than argue with you. If you want to leave, that's your business; just make sure I never see you again."

"Oh, I'm so scared," she said, her tone one of mock fear. "You think you can take me, kid, hm? You think you're so tough."

I merely walked to the door and paused before opening it. "No," I simply said. "I just don't want to bury anyone else if that's all right with you...and if you leave, you'll die. Of course, if I do find your corpse, I'll be glad to bury it next to where I buried those children."

At this, her fighting stance seemed to soften. I could still see the defiance in her eyes, but I also noticed the growing fear behind it. Maybe I should have said something to calm her...maybe...but by then I was so fed up with her attitude that I merely sighed and headed out the door.

The main road was a couple of kilometres away from my dwelling, and it gave me a lot of time to think as I made my way there. Why...why did I even bother to help her out? Grandfather had always taught me to be the better man, but really, was being 'the better man' worth putting up with attitudes like hers? I wasn't looking for any 'oh, my hero' lines or anything, but a simple 'thanks for saving my life' would have been nice.

One nice thing about long walks is by the time they're nearly done, any tension or hot emotions you'd felt at the start have usually faded by the time you reach your destination. It was no different for me. By the time I could see my destination, I'd reasoned out just why I'd ignored my first impulse to leave her and actually try to help that cougar. I'd already failed to save three innocent children from a fate they didn't deserve, so with her maybe I was trying to redeem myself. Either that, or I was somehow trying to prove that I wasn't like all those other exiles in that warehouse, and was willing to help someone in trouble. Whatever the reason, the more I walked, the better I felt about what I did.

The highway I'd walked to was a four-lane road that connected the Clan lands to Karalla City. Many of the skimmers that coursed down this road went in excess of 200 km/h, and it amazed me there weren't more accidents. Of course, the sides of the highway were lined with governors, which could regulate the road's maximum allowable speed by communicating with a skimmer's on-board computer. This kept roads like this virtually free of accidents, though once in a while you'd hear of some grisly high-speed crash...and catch a glimpse of the grease stain that was once a person.

I pulled out my ID card and tapped on it a few times, accessing the Karalla City Transit System. One of the benefits of being a citizen was the use of transit on demand. Municipal taxes paid for the upkeep of the system, so as long as you were considered a citizen of the city, you could ride for free.

I found the command key to summon one of these transports and pressed it. After a few moments, the card informed me that a skimmer had indeed received my request and would be there in about 10 minutes. Given the time of day, it was a good bet the transport would be empty, which was a relief. I'd only been an exile for a few days; I figured my face was still pretty recognizable. All it would take would be for a Clansman to be on that transport and recognize me...then the cougar would have to fend for herself.

Sure enough, ten minutes later the transport showed up and it was thankfully empty. I boarded it and input my destination as the Karalla City Port Authority. Of all the places Silas had listed as potential job sites, this one seemed the most intriguing, as well as the most anonymous. Servicing freighters both on water and from space, the Port Authority was a never-ending cycle of work, constantly transferring cargo to and from the many different ships that docked there.

With my enhanced strength, I was sure I could get a job there. Though a lot of the work was done with machinery, there was still a lot of physical work that couldn't be done by machine. Granted, that kind of work wouldn't be the most glamourous or intellectually challenging, but if the pay was right, who really cared?

The transit skimmer entered the city and was starting to make the odd stop to pick up a new passenger. I held my breath each time, wondering with each new arrival if they'd recognize me. Each time they didn't, I let out a sigh of relief and tried my best to just enjoy the ride. We wove through some of the residential areas on the outskirts of the city, and I remember gazing out at some of the homes I passed by. In each one I caught a brief glimpse of families engaged in different activities, be it from playing together, or sitting on the porch and enjoying the warm day. What they all seemed to have in common was the fact that they were all together. Each house I passed showed indications that a happy family lived there, with parents, siblings, or other relatives all living together, steadfast in their bonds as families. It brought a small smile to my muzzle...and a tightness in my chest as I thought about my family...and what they'd done to me.

I thought about my little declaration the night I buried those kittens...about how I vowed to never seek my honour. In the heat of the moment it had sounded and felt right, but after watching all those houses I began to realize what else I'd be giving up if I saw that oath through. I'd never again see Mother's smiling face, nor would I ever play with all my brothers and sisters. I'd never again hear Grandfather's voice as he told story after story of how things were when he was my age. I'd be defiant in my stance against Clan dogma, but such an oath could cost me oh, so much more.

After nearly an hour of stop-and-go travel, the skimmer finally came to a stop just by the main security office of the Port Authority. I quickly got out of my seat and exited the vehicle, and I then took a moment to gaze at what lay beyond the security fence. From where I was I couldn't see much, save for several rows of cargo containers and a few different vehicles milling about. I was still far enough away from the docks themselves to actually see any water, though I could see the immense cranes towering in the distance like a row of alien harvesters, ready to strip any incoming vessel of their cargo, only to replace it with another.

The air was suddenly filled with a thunderous roar, and off to the right I saw a rather large freighter emerge from what looked to be a hangar. Six engines glowed brightly as the rather large ship slowly rose into the air and soon out of sight. I marvelled to think that in a matter of minutes, that ship would be hurtling through space, heading for some distant planet I could only visit in my dreams.

There was no doubt about it...this most certainly was the place for me.

I headed towards the security building, pulling out my ID card as I did so. It wasn't until I stepped inside that the realization of what I was about to do hit me. I looked at my ID card, and then up at the person working at the desk a few feet away. If this card was as good as Silas said it was, there would be no problems. However, with my very life being on the line, one could well understand my growing doubt.

"Can I help you, lad?"

I looked up to see the worker staring right at me. He may have been a cheetah, and physically smaller than most in my lineage, but he still looked ten feet tall to me. I wondered momentarily just how long he'd been watching me, but then decided I didn't want to know. My ears were warm with embarrassment as I approached the desk.

"I'm...I'm looking for work," I said. I put my card on the desk and tensed as the cheetah took it. He placed it face up on a pad of some sort that was hooked to his Hypernet terminal and tapped a few keys. The pad began to glow faintly, and I figured it must have been a card reader of some sort.

"Hmm.." he said. "Kain, eh?" I nodded. "Ok, Mr. Kain...everything's in order here. If you'll just head for the gate, you'll be met by one of our security personnel, and she'll escort you to the Dock Master's office." He returned my card to me and I nodded before heading towards the door.

Once outside I breathed a rather huge sigh of relief. It worked...the damned thing actually worked. It hadn't been Dalan the exile who'd made it past the security checkpoint...it had been Darien Kain...someone who really only existed in the virtual world. I shivered at how liberating it felt...as though part of the stigma of being an exile had finally lifted off my shoulders.

I walked proudly towards the security gate and was met by a rather husky looking but no less feminine black panther. For a moment I hesitated again, given my recent experiences with panthers was somewhat less than friendly. Thankfully, her facial markings weren't those of a Rondoki, so again I felt relieved.

"Right this way," she said. I passed through the opened gate and we walked side by side towards a small building off to the side of the yard. It was perched on a bit of a rise, so whoever was there could theoretically oversee any yard operations.

"Here we are," she said. She punched in a security code on the door and a moment later I heard the click of the lock disengaging. "Right this way." She pulled the door open and we stepped inside. We walked down a rather narrow hallway, past several closed doors until we arrived at one that said Altreus Barkav - Dock Master. While I paused for half a heartbeat, my panther escort didn't miss a step as she opened the door and walked inside. I was quick to follow.

"Mr. Barkav?" I heard her say. I looked around the office but couldn't see anyone...right up until I saw one very large white tiger seeming rise up from behind a filing cabinet. My eyes went wide; as intimidating as that security worker had been earlier, this guy was ten times that. Gods...his arms were the size of my thighs.

"Mornin' Sharaya," the white tiger said. His voice was thick with a Lakayan accent, which was no real surprise. After the war, Lakayans all but flocked to Shonto, looking to rebuild their lives in some way. Relying mostly on imported goods for their economy, working around dockyards and spaceports were almost second nature to them. "An' ow c'n I help ye taday?"

"Got a new one here for you," she replied, nodding towards me. I stepped up, unable to take my eyes off this titanic, yet jovial white tiger. "He's already passed security."

"Oh, 'as he?" he said. His grey eyes suddenly locked on me, and I thought I was going to melt on the spot. Those eyes looked like they'd seen hundreds of new recruits like me pass through this office. In that handful of heartbeats, I was sure he knew everything about me. I began tensing, ready to break away from the place.

"Wot's yer name, lad?" he asked.

"Darien Kain, sir," I replied, trying to sound confident, but probably failing miserably.

"Kain, eh?" He seemed to scan me again with those eyes of his. "Gods, lad...ye only jus' come o' age, haven't ye?"

"A few months ago, yes."

"Then why're ye lookin' ta work 'ere?" he asked. "This 'ere's no place fer someone ta be cuttin' their teeth in the real world." His eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Why ye comin' 'here?" he asked.

"M...my parents...they..."

"Aye?"

I sighed. "They were killed just after I came of age," I said. "I...I had to move out of our apartment 'cause I couldn't pay the rent...had to sell everything I had just to settle what they owed." I slumped my shoulders. "Now the money's gone and I need a job. I figured this would be the best place to start."

Maybe I'd overestimated that tiger's powers of perception, because I swear I actually saw his entire body seem to droop as I told my little story. Maybe I'd laid it on a little thick, but in truth I didn't want to risk losing this opportunity.

"Yer card, lad." His voice had gone quite flat as I handed him my ID card. Like the cheetah before, he placed the card on a reader pad and punched a few keys on his terminal. "I knows wot i's like, losin' summone 'portant to ye," he said as he reviewed my information. "It's a feelin' ye don' soon ferget." After a few more moments, he took the card off the scanner and handed it back to me. "Be 'ere tomorrow mornin' by 0630," he said. "Ye'll get yer physical then, and if ye pass it yer goin' ta work."

"Th...thank you," I said. I felt the relief wash over me again as I was escorted out of the Dock Master's office, and eventually found myself en route back to the security building.

"Altreus sometimes comes across as a bit harsh," said the panther as we walked. "But with all the injury claims and fatalities..."

"Whoa," I said. "Fatalities?" Granted, I figured there were some risks involved in working the docks, but that she said fatalities...as in plural of fatality...that was a bit more risk than I'd anticipated.

"It's usually an accident," she said. "Or another damned exile trying to use this place as a suicide factory. Y'know, I once saw an exile walk out onto the tarmac just as a freighter was taking off. The blast from the engines cooked him in seconds."

I stopped. I wasn't sure what shocked me more...the knowledge that some exile had taken their own life in such a bizarre way, or that Sharaya was passing the story off as easily as talking about the weather. "I...I take it you don't have much time for exiles?" I asked.

She shook her head. "They've caused me way too many sleepless nights," she said. "Nearly every report I have to file with the police or the coroner's office usually involves an exile."

"How do they get in?" I asked.

"Someone out there's supplying them with fake ID cards," Sharaya replied. "I'd like to meet whoever's doing it and show them how much of a hell they've made my life."

I was fast beginning to wonder if my two non-Clan panther friends, Max and Risha, were the only two decent members of that particular lineage. Sharaya's little comment, to be honest, stung like a slap across the face. What kind of a hell her life had become? Did she have any idea of what an exile went through day to day? At least she still had things like friends, a roof over her head, and the comfort of knowing she could move about without constantly looking over her shoulder.

I kept my mouth shut as we finally made it to the gate. I thanked her cordially, and as she smiled back at me warmly, I remember having to stifle a growl. I also remember hearing the lyrics of an ancient Terran song playing through my head as I watched her return to her post just a few metres inside the fence, and knew those same lyrics would come up every time I thought of her:

She ain't pretty...she just looks that way...

I spent the next couple of hours moving from store to store, looking for supplies for the dwelling. With a job secured, that 100 credits I'd gotten from the Foundation didn't seem as covetous as it had been before. I really didn't feel like going to Junktown for supper, so I figured I could have a 'home cooked' meal, such as it was.

The lack of any kind of cold storage tended to limit my choices in terms of what I could buy to eat. Anything remotely perishable would have to be eaten within a day or two lest it turn, so frozen foods were out. I got a hold of some camp meals which, for all the snide comments one hears about them, were far better than a handful of half-ripened berries. They were a variant of combat rations, and contained their own self-heating device inside the packaging. Just press the button, wait five minutes, and dig in.

I must have caught a sale that day, for I managed to purchase a week's worth of them, and still managed to get a few other necessities: A second sila mat, two blankets, toothbrushes and paste, and even a few candles. By the time I was done, I still had about 30 credits left...not bad , considering all I'd bought.

I had to admit that the second mat, along with the two blankets, had been more of an impulse buy than anything. While I was sure that cougar would be long gone by the time I returned to my dwelling, I didn't want to be caught unprepared should I be wrong. If nothing else the two blankets would ward off any cold nights should the weather take a turn for the worse. After all, it was still spring, and springtime weather in Shonto was anything but predictable.

I'd just taken out my ID card to summon a transit skimmer, when I noticed a flashing icon on the card. I pressed it, and it opened up a text message from an unknown source. It didn't really say much...just a street address and what looked like a time stamp. I shook my head; this ID card was really starting to freak me out, as though it was some kind of mystery game that I had to solve.

I summoned the transit skimmer, and instead of programming in a destination near my dwelling, I entered in the coordinates of the address on the card. Whatever prompted the card to execute that text file, I figured, had something to do with my getting a job. I could only conclude that the Foundation, or someone linked to them, had something to do with that address and the time stamp, which much have been a deadline.

Luckily, I managed to arrive at the destination well ahead of the posted time, and for a moment I thought this was some kind of cruel joke. The building I stood before was old...only two stories, and the door with the correct address on it merely said...and I'm not kidding here: 'The KT School of Interpretive Dance.' KT...Khrasa T'Lak...a dance instructor? My Sensei, the one who was going to teach me one of the deadliest martial arts known to my kind...a dance instructor? Well, I supposed everyone had to make a living. I pushed the door open and went inside.

The foyer consisted of little more than a staircase that took me up to the second level. Once I was there I made my way down a small hallway until I came to yet another door, this one bearing the same logo as the one outside. I pressed my ear to the door, half-expecting to hear the muffled sounds of a piano or some other instrument, but only silence greeted me. So, with a deep breath and exhale, I pushed open the door.

The room was huge...there was no other way to describe it. Huge...and empty. From the looks of it, this one room took up half of the building's second floor. I could see several windows along the far wall, but almost all of them were blacked out using Transparatint technology. With the flick of a switch, a window could go from crystal clear to completely opaque in moments.

I took a few steps into the room, the floor made of highly-polished hardwood. I had to admit, it certainly looked like a dance studio...but it could also pass for a War Hall if it had a few little additions to it.

"You're early." The voice came from behind me and I spun almost too quickly towards it. Khrasa was standing there, dressed pretty much like a normal person...I guess only having seen him in the fur, the fact that he was wearing any kind of clothing was a bit odd.

"My ID card gave me this..."

"I know," he interrupted. "It was designed to do so once you'd found employment." He began walking towards me. "Your card." It wasn't a request. I quickly fished the card out of my pocket and handed it to him. He examined it for a moment, and then his left ear twitched slightly. "The docks," he said. "An...interesting choice for one as young as you." He handed the card back. "You do realize your days are not set," he said. "The docks are in motions all hours of the day and night...and you will see all of those hours at some point."

"I know," I said. "Unless it means compromising my training. I'll quit if I..."

All he did was hold up his hand, and I stopped talking immediately. It never ceased to amaze me at the impact a mere gesture from him had on me. "The retreats will need some fine-tuning," he said. "But I'm sure we will arrive at a suitable compromise. When do you report for your first shift?"

"Uh...tomorrow morning, 0630," I said."

"Very well. When you are finished there, you will come here and your training will begin." I swallowed hard...although this was the moment I'd been waiting for...this was the news I'd been wanting to hear since our first meeting...I was still terrified. Perhaps it was those near-instinctive fears that one's religion instils when it comes to the unknown, but all those thoughts of the Dark One and the deal began to surface. Maybe it was because of the finality of it all. Once I started down that path I knew there would be no looking back. Whether I eventually regained my honour or not, I would always be a L'au Tari.

"I'll be here," I said. By agreeing to it, the fears seemed to somewhat fade. Cowardice would do me no good under his tutelage, so it was best to deal with it at the outset than let it fester inside. No...I knew I wanted this...I wanted that training...and with that agreement, I swore to myself that someday, I would master the art of the Man-Beasts...

No matter the cost...

Thanks to some research into my ID card, I found the set of geographic coordinates that corresponded to where I'd first summoned a transit shuttle. I used them as a destination on my trip out of the city, and soon found myself right back where I'd started that morning. It almost felt as though I'd come full circle, and I was returning to my dwelling better than when I'd left.

I walked rather briskly, more than anxious to reach the tree line just ahead. It was hard not to break into a run as my mind recalled the last open field I'd been in...and what happened that night. Still, I managed to restrain myself and walk normally, though when I finally did melt into the forest I felt immensely relieved.

Once the fear of being seen was gone, it was as if someone pulled a veil off of my head, and I was seeing my surroundings for the first time. Maybe it was the fact that I was finally moving forward with this somewhat shattered life, but all around me the forest just seemed to come alive. The trees all around me were beginning to show some green, and the air was thick with the scent of sap and earth. My whiskers seemed to come alive, as if the very pulse of the planet was somehow radiating through me.

I rode this feeling for as long as I could, because the moment I reached the clearing where my dwelling stood, the feeling slowly began to fade. It stood there, reminding me of the reality of my situation, and that while I could temporarily fool myself into thinking I was free, I was in fact still a prisoner...still an exile...

Still a target...

I said nothing as I opened the door, and only barely noticed that the cougar was still there. She whipped her head around at me and snarled for a moment, but as soon as she recognized me her features seemed to relax. Well, if you can call going from a warning snarl to her wonderfully abrasive self relaxing.

"Took your sweet time getting back," she said. I refused to rise to the bait as I unslung knapsack and placed it on the floor. I knelt and opened it, retrieving all I'd purchased that day, including the mat and the blankets. This seemed to intrigue her. "So," she said, "you just had a feeling I'd still be here?"

Again, I said nothing. I refused to rise to the bait and get into a shouting match with her. My friend Max always said that life was too short, and to waste it on trivial things was as criminal a thing as it was stupid. Once the cougar was well, she'd be on her way and I'd never have to listen to her again. At the same time, I'd have the satisfaction of knowing I helped someone who was in trouble. In my book, that was a win-win situation.

Instead of starting a shouting match, I merely retrieved one of each flavour of the camp meals I'd purchased and showed them to her. "Take your pick," I said. "You're probably hungry." Despite trying to appear neutral and composed, I couldn't help but smirk as I saw the surprised look on her face. Actually, it was more of a combination of surprised and deflated, as though she'd been bracing for a fight, only to find it not there.

I quickly shifted the smirk to something a little kinder. It wasn't that life was too short to waste it on fighting...it was the fact that I didn't want to fight. I had no quarrel with her, and her only issue with me seemed to be...

Just what, exactly?

She picked one of the meals I'd presented to her and activated the self-heating unit. I took a different flavour and did the same, and before long we were dining quietly. I had to admit, the meal was nothing compared to some of the feasts Mother and her servants had prepared back home, but for one as hungry as I, it more than hit the spot.

"Is it true what you said?" she asked. I stopped eating and looked up at her. "About this...fever...is it fatal?"

I nodded. "Untreated, I hear it can be rather gruesome," I said.

"Who taught you how to make the medicine?" she asked.

"My grandfather," I said. "He...he showed me how nature can provide for just about everything."

She snorted. "Was your grandfather an exile too?"

"No," I said. "He just took my sister and I aside one day and taught us about different plants and their uses. Nothing formal." I didn't know if what she said had been an attempt at an insult, but I left that particular gauntlet where it lay.

"Ok," she said. "If that's the case, then what else did he teach you?"

As calmly as I could, I ran through no less than two dozen indigenous plants in the Karalla Valley, including their uses, benefits, and how to use them in different types of natural remedies. I then went on to tell her about what fruits in the forest were edible, which were poisonous, and which could be used for things like dyes or other forms of colouring.

She said nothing, and instead merely rose up. She headed over to the bucket containing the Tokia mixture and took a cupful of it. She swallowed it down with a scowl before returning to where she'd been. "How long do I have to take this?" she asked.

"Twice a day for two weeks," I said. "That will give your body enough time to develop an effective resistance to the Fever." I made a mental note to check the place where I'd picked those leaves, just to make sure there were enough of them to make more medicine if needed.

"Two weeks." She sighed. "Oh well...could be worse, I guess." Still with the insults, though for the most part the fire that had been in her words earlier was all but gone. Whatever animosity she'd had towards me seemed to be fading.

I said nothing, and instead unrolled the new mat and put one of the blankets beside it. I took the other and handed it to the cougar, who took it and simply nodded her thanks. I saw her spread the blanket out before laying back down. She yawned twice, and I could see her eyes straining to stay open. The medicine must have had a drowsiness effect on people...something Grandfather didn't tell me. It was probably for the best, though; the body heals best when at rest.

She tried to fight the oncoming sleep, but eventually the medicine won out and her eyes closed. Just like the night before, I noticed again just how...well...beautiful she was when she wasn't awake. There was a softness to her...a kindness that seemed to radiate from her when her attitude wasn't blocking it.

Grandmother used to say there were two ways you could tell the nature of one's soul. The first was by the eyes, and when that failed, the other was when they slept. Freed from the incessant control of the conscious mind, the sleeping form always reverts back to its natural state...its real state. If that was true, then this cougar's tough exterior was little more than a show...or perhaps a defence mechanism. I figured it was the latter, given her current situation. These days, no one except the completely destitute contracted Therus Fever, so I could only imagine what kind of hell she'd been through. Compared to her, my own time as an exile had been pretty easy so far.

If that was the case...if the past while had been an absolute hell for her...maybe there was hope. Maybe by being here...by getting better...by being shown kindness...she'd let that kinder, gentler self come out, an no longer be covered by that whole tough bitch facade.

I made up my mind there and then to try and do that for her...to try and make her see that maybe there was still hope in this world for people like us. It was a long shot, sure, and maybe she was already too far gone. But still...I had to try...didn't I? Wasn't the willingness to try and better oneself akin to not giving up, or giving in? I didn't know about her, but I wasn't ready to just roll over and give up on myself just yet. I'd already gotten a new name, a new job, and soon I was going to start my journey to becoming a L'au Tari. If I could just give a fraction of that determination to her...just enough to show her that her life wasn't over...then I'd consider the job done.

I finally started to feel tired myself, and got myself ready for bed. In the dying firelight I looked over at the sleeping cougar and smiled. I was looking forward to meeting the real her...once the rough exterior of her personality had been worn away. Granted, all my optimism was probably for naught, but if it helped me fill in the dead spaces of what my life was about to become, then I welcomed the challenge.

"I'm glad you decided to stay," I said, just barely above a whisper.

She coughed and snorted in reply.