Sixteen Toons
Adapted from “Sixteen Tons” (Merle Travis)
Some people said that Michigan looked kinda faint
He really coulda used some ink and some paint
Some ink and some paint in the shape of a frog
So I opened up the Warner Brothers catalog
To buy sixteen toons
What’ll I get?
Another wall covered
And deeper in debt
Peter Hastings, don’t you call me
’Cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the Studio Store
(Warner Brothers Studio Store)
I was told one morning you were losing your mind
You’re walking through the house and you suddenly find
A little bare space at the end of the hall
So you hop in your car and you head to the mall
You buy sixteen toons
What do you get?
Another wall covered
And deeper in debt
Peter Hastings, don’t you call me
’Cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the Studio Store
(Warner Brothers Studio Store)
I was watching Animaniacs on my TV
That Emmy-winning program on the WB
And when the show was over, next thing I know
I jumped from my chair and decided to go
And buy sixteen toons
What did I get?
Some certs of authenticity
(With Retsyn, I bet)
Peter Hastings, don’t you call me
’Cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the Studio Store
(Warner Brothers Studio Store)
If you see me coming, better make some room
I’m carrying a limited Katie Ka-Boom
And anyone who crosses me will get their fill
Of my pocket-size Tower or my big anvil
You buy sixteen toons
What do you get?
Another wall covered
And deeper in debt
Peter Hastings, don’t you call me
’Cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to the Studio Store
(Warner Brothers Studio Store)
From 1996. Adapted from “Sixteen Tons” as written by Merle Travis and recorded by Tennessee Ernie Ford.
Back then, the Warner Brothers Studio Store was, as folks might say now, A Thing. For some, quite a thing. For a select few . . .
This loving poke was originally posted on alt.tv.animaniacs, and somebody seemed to like it. The “Tower” was a notional award for excellence in fan works. It was a plain-text rendering of the iconic WB watertower posted as a reply to the article earning the honor. This was the first of my two Towers, while many other fans were far more prolific and consistently deserving.
Michigan J. Frog, Katie Ka-Boom ™/© WB