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The Request by brothejr

The Request

brothejr

Edward was getting a little bit lonely under the ocean. So one day he decided to make a request to his friend Luke to see if the monster could find Edward a girlfriend. While that was occurring, Ava's group was preparing to attack Luke's compound. How will this all turn out?

This story was based off a request made by lasserine on FA who wanted to see a specific type of creature. I tried to fit the request into the Nanobot universe as best as I could. In the end the story worked out just fine.

*Last nanobot story: Meeting The Boss
*Next nanobot story: The Assassin

Submission Information

Views:
734
Comments:
3
Favorites:
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Rating:
General
Category:
Literary / Story

Comments

  • Link

    Careful with "it's" and "its." One's a contraction, the other's possessive. Also, your punctuation in general needs work. Even if the sentence continues after a quote, you still need to use a question mark if needed, not a comma.

    • Link

      Could you please point to where it's or its is used it wrong? As far as your other suggestion, I'm sorry to disagree with you but that is the proper way to write a sentence that continues on past the spoken portion. Per grammar/style rules if a comma is used at the end of a quote/spoken portion, you do not use question marks, periods, exclamation points, etc.

      • Link

        That's only true for a period, not for a question mark as far as I know.
        http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/marks/quotation.htm
        Regarding the its/it's confusion:
        "It's tall sides had no signs proclaiming who owned it. "
        "It's trunk was full of bags stuffed with white powder."
        "It's center body appeared to be some sort of dragon like dinosaur."
        I've seen it a few times in your older works as well, plus some sentence fragments and absent commas.

        "One he used his jaws to bite their head off. While the other he raced over and slammed into the ground with a heavy swipe of a paw." This should be one sentence split by a comma, not two sentences.
        "Dylan and Andrea were taking copious notes. While Jack made sure the signal was strong." Same here.

        "After that the trio jumped inside" After that should be followed by a comma
        "Next he used the same heads to rip off her arms which were also consumed." Same with Next and arms.
        "The other followed suit exposing a cute feminine face and long brown hair." Same with suit and cute (and face if, like me, you're a proponent of Oxford commas).

        As a writer and fan of monster TFs, I want you to be the best you can be; not trying to be a dick.