A Company Reminder To All GroLabs Employees During March
Good afternoon, valued employees and friends!
I want to start with thanking you for your time and passion in 2022. Thanks to your hard work, this was our most productive year ever in the areas of research and development for Magical Sizemancy, Hyp-grow-sis, and scientific Size Adjustment Technology (SAT). The damage to the Eastern wing of the labs will be fixed within the week, and all research can proceed as usual. Thank you again Ten for organizing the cleanup efforts.
As winter begins to come to a close, there are a few things to discuss as a company. Long time employees will be familiar with a yearly tradition called Macro March. For our newer staff: Macro March is an entire month dedicated to those of us larger than usual, a giant-sized celebration! It’s a great chance to let your size loose and show your pride. We will be passing around GroLabs branded shirts for the occasion on March 1st, please send your shirt size to HR before end of day Feb. 28th.
Unfortunately, this sort of celebration also comes with some amount of danger to company assets and infrastructure. I’m sure everyone remembers the Macro March Incident I was unfortunately part of last year. (Please do not send me any photos, I was there, I know how I looked bursting from the front of the building)
In order to ensure everyone has an enjoyable and safe Marco March, I have taken the time to put together a short list of Dos and Don’ts.
Remember your Macro March Dos and Don’ts!
o Label all size related chemicals and technology with the appropriate SDS (Safety Data Sheet)
o Use the GroLabs safety symbols to designate growth, cognito, and magical hazards. Especially important around cognito hazards, where simply looking or listening could lead to unintended size changing.
o Keep your computer screens locked to avoid corporate espionage, and lock your lab spaces at the end of the day
o Make sure to update the ‘Days Before Last Size Incident’ sign at the start of each day. Let’s go for a new record, 15 days!
o Grow outside of designated experiment zones. We have those warehouses and raised roof spaces for a reason, make good use of it.
o Take your experiments out of designated lab spaces (LOOKING AT YOU LEVI, hypnosis should be kept under tight supervision to avoid last weekend’s out of control, continued growth)
o Ignore the sign-in sheets, they are there to track the comings and goings of our employees. This helps determine who may have last seen or used any experiments.
o Take your experiments out of designated lab spaces (The portable growth ray is NOT a toy, even if it looks a lot like one!)
o Allow suspicious visitors into the building without a designated escort. This is to ensure nothing is taken away or used without supervision and a backup shrink ray
o Take your experiments out of designated lab spaces (I really don’t get magic but I trust that Flint has any unintended size-effects under control from his department. Just keep the artifacts carefully locked up please)
I hope you all appreciate the month’s fun, and remember these tips to make it a fantastic Macro March! Also please do not watch the news or look outside right now, stay focused on our work and not on the current epidemic of enlarging people across the planet. Totally not our fault.
Alkali, Co-Founder of GroLabs
IMPORTANT! Please read this, do not delete!
(Just a quick warmup story from a stream, had fun trying to write something believably workplace appropriate while writing about a furry theme month)