I can't say I enjoy writing stuff like this, because it makes me feel a tad desperate. But, I realize that really isn't the case. I just don't like reaching out to others unnecessarily. It's part of who I am. I tend to be the one who helps others and expect nothing in return. Even though deep down, I wish people would notice what I do more often and appreciate that. Sometimes they do, but more often it's not the case. I have mentioned this before, but that's not why I'm writing this now.

I'll be frank, I'm lonely. Not lonely in the sense I don't have friends or companions; I do. But, it's more the fact I don't have any companions in real life, right here, with me. The physical aspect of a relationship has been lacking for me for some time. Lately, I find myself missing it. Sadly, there's only really been one person I could rely on for that in the past, and even then that was rare. And lately still, it's been non-existent. There are others I could see being in that category, but there's a problem with that: They're too far away. Classic scenario, isn't it? I'm sure most of us are all too familiar with that at one point or another. Perhaps even now. Why is that, though?

The problem with our connectivity with each other tends to be a double edged sword. On the one hand, the advent of the Internet has seen us become closer and more in touch with others than ever before. We start to find others easier that match our interests and passions. When you have a much larger pool of people to weed through, it's understandable how that would work out with better potential. So, we find that special someone, but sometimes we begin to realize a hidden enemy: distance. Certainly not all the time, but I would say given the odds, it's probably more likely than not. It becomes more apparent over time that this person we're connecting with might be difficult to actually see in person. Sometimes, it may even seem impossible.

This is where we begin to feel a new sort of loneliness. Sure, we can easily talk to this person and probably even seen them just about whenever we want, but despite the convenience of this interaction, there is one thing we still have yet to be just as convenient; the physical presence. No doubt, there are some that can overcome this easily. Perhaps the person is not that far. Perhaps money and time is not an issue to visit now and then, maybe even move in with one another if the relationship works out well. But sadly, that's not always the case. And so we find ourselves detached over the simple notion that we just can't be physically there.

We have a tendency to be tactile creatures. We hug, we kiss, we embrace one another, we shake hands, pat someone on the back, rest a hand at someone's shoulder and tell them it'll be fine. Some people are fortunate and don't need this as much or at all. But for those that do, we find ourselves at a barrier when we realize that someone special is not easily in reach.

Strange…

The lonely people are getting lonelier…

It's because we embrace and immerse ourselves in the past couple decades to a new way to interact and find people because we want to find someone; a friend, a lover, a companion – whatever you want to call or think of them as. And then there's that chance it'll be awhile before you can see them...if even at all…

Will I ever see them…?

Will I ever be able to hold them…?

I'm just a lurker at the threshold of the physical and meta-physical.

I'm lost on what to do...