Is that I meet so many wonderful beyond perfect people, and other people as well who are wonderful and special and great, and people who I like a lot and maybe we just don't have that much in common, or people who just don't really "click" with me but on occasion we drop a "hello" or a "hows it going"

But a problem I have with a majority (regardless of how well I know them or how we may click or not)
of people I meet, is my insane and ravenous desire to draw them fan art.

I freaking love drawing people fan art!

Of course most fan art wishing is a vore pic with me and their character and that is beyond the definition of vain and selfish. Especially with people who may not be vore fans, or who hold their characters in very high regard and the connection between artist and character is much more personal and strong, not wanting other people to take out of context the traits of their creations that they so lovingly cherish.

That I understand and highly respect. I guess for me, while I am very personable with my own characters, and I feel that ilbv is a huge representation of myself, I am open and willing to try new things, I cannot believe how many kinds of situations I have gotten myself into these past 5 years, some things I had decided I would never do ever, or tings that just were not for me, but I tried them and, okay I was surprised, but in other things I was right about my initial feelings and regret doing.

Now I am not saying that people who cherish their characters closely are wrong or close-minded, they just have a different kind of desire to share in their creations and different kinds of openness and comfort, all the power to them!

Wow I have written so much and still not gotten to my BIGGEST problem.
okay here it is:

I will never be able to draw all the fan art I desire and wish for all the people I meet.
And on the very lucky chance I get to, it must mean that I was happening to be in the right mood with the right amount of time and something phenomenal had to have sprouted from our interaction.

If I have drawn, traded, commissioned or requested to be in art with you, you mean a hell of a lot to me. Now this could because I know you well, or a little bit. For strangers its probably because an artwork representation of your character moved me, and I was compelled to give it a fan art. I love surprises, and I love giving surprises even more.

And chances are if you have been in an art with me before, I probably strongly desire to make many, many more. Trouble is I can't always afford my wishes, or have the talent to draw them in the ways I wish to. I am getting better at drawing, and there are several days and moments in time where I feel I'm not getting the right kind of recognition or I feel like I am just not as good as I thought I was, and I'm never going to get there, those are dark and suffocating days of loneliness, the times when I feel people don't actually care about my artwork or growth they just want to see all the stuff that I was lucky enough to have someone else make for me because THEY are the real talented people and the ones who are worth praising and commissioning.

I get it, the art race is strong and the commission game is even stronger. The hard fact is I am not good enough to commission you yet. Those who disagree will commission me and they will want to trade and enter my raffles and auctions, but for the people who make enjoy frequently commissioning people and have the funds or abilities to do so, want people ho can make their money worth it, and I do no think that I am viewed that way right now.

Know I know that people want me to draw them because when I have a free raffle (which I should really do a new one soon) a lot of people show interest. Now mainly these are the people who have little to no drawing skill at all and just want the chance to have some free art that they can then upload and hope for some recognition too, I get that, its kind of how the art game works when you are a beginner and building from the ground up with nothing but words and your dreams. I was there once, I built myself up with words literally by writing stories, and that was how I met my dearest friends and with their help and encouragements I started getting arts and I started drawing arts and I have become what I am now today. And I am still getting there.

Wow tangent.

So fan art, I want to draw it all the time, and its next to impossible to do, but if I do it, you are an amazing person and I love that I know you or of you.
If you don't have fan art from me, it maybe because I don't know you that much yet, or our big "inspiring" moment hasn't happened. Maybe one day...or many days. Weeks...Years.. O_O

So that was my piece of journal, if you read all this, thanks man, you're awesome. If you leave a comment with your views and reflections based on what you've seen here, I appreciate you so much more, and you've caught my notice ;)
but I notice a lot of people all the time, so you've caught my notice for this moment right now, when I read your comment, and if it compels me, I'll respond back, who knows where that could go?

Ending words, Fanart is love, fanart is life. And vore. And muscles. And snuggles, and being a good person no matter what you like.

Peace <3