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Self Reflection by Badjoojoo
It has been an interesting year so far. For the prior 5 years I was attempting to be an entrepreneur, business owner, stock trader, or contractor all for the sake of personal freedom and control over my time. I had left a comfortable but mundane job as an art director at a small game company, with big dreams of riches and grandiose projects
I was far from successful. Eeking along, performing and earning just enough to keep up my payments on my bloated credit cards. It was a form of financial self-waterboarding that had me gasping for any available air and relief on a daily basis.
Then I left that all that behind about a year ago. Got married, sold a house I co-owned with my brother, moved back to my mother’s home province in Thailand and started from scratch trying to do just one thing: Become a story teller.
I have to say I am still disoriented with the whole affair. Most of my artist peers and friends have long shot to the stars on their respective pathes, leaving me here on the ground floor still trying to piece together my goals and aspirations. Like a pile of Legos without a plan, I am not too sure what to do first, or last, or anything in between.
I am not complaining. Far from it, I am merely trying to put words to what I am currently experiencing and parsing the information. I know I want to do comics. I know I want to tell stories and entertain folks. I’m just starting to figure out how to deal with myself in that new context.
Finding ways to deal with my procrastinating streak. Trying to polish up my previously rusting artistic skills. Attempting to find a voice that feels authentic to what I want to present. I have been juggling these thoughts continuously these past few months. I am still not certain as to what to do, but I am confident that I will continue find out more about myself along the way. It is scary, but also incredibly exciting.
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Comments
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Thank you very much for your well wishes :D !
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Joojie, just remember, you are not alone.
Many of these feelings that you're experiencing are very common amount my colleagues and me. I, too, have been struggling with what I want out of my artistic career. I just know that I like to make characters and stories. Many places require so much out of one specific job though, so even doing just what you want is hard. :/
It'll be a difficult journey, and you've already got some experience as an art director under your belt! You're over one of the hardest parts! Just keep pushing forward, and know that your followers here are on your side, cheerin' you on. :)
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You are brave.
You left behind secure things in order to venture for what you wanted to do! You've had to make big decisions and choices - and I can imagine there were times you were uncertain, but you did it. You went on to try and make sure all ends can meet and then took many big steps! (Hooray for your marriage! You two are adorable <3) . You've already come so far on your creative journey, and I bet you still have a long way to go! ^^ But your reflection shows your still keeping your eyes to the sky, and still driven to keep treading this wonky path.
This spoke loudly to me.
I understand so many of these feelings, and here, I am frightened. I've been through my own struggles, especially trying to keep me and my husband's roof over our heads a continuing thing, and I will soon be leaving the small job I have to dedicating myself to art. But I am scared - I want to be a story teller, I want to make comics people would want to read, or connect with, in one way or another. But, I know I'm holding myself back every time I go to make a start and I end up thinking I'll never be good enough. The truth is, I am good enough. And so are you. We are all good enough to want to push for our dreams to be able to tell stories as well as keep our realities in check.
I am crying while I type this. To read what you've gone through, where you are now, and where you want to go makes me realize there are so many out there who want the same dream. We walk similar roads and at times even wave to each other. We can connect. I've always respected you and Bees, you both are such an amazing pair. So, I know even though I look up to you, I'm not as far down as I think I am. We as creatives can have a hard time getting by, but as long as we support each other, in one way or another, we can see each other reach that dream.
So thank you again for sharing this. Know you're not alone, and we'll watch each other become shooting stars. I just know it.
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Thank you for sharing your experiences with me as well <3! I can empathize with the fear, confusion and strange elation that comes with leaving safe harbour for the promise of the open seas. Please know that regardless of how rough the waters get, there is always the truth that they will bring out your most resourceful abilities. It is an intimidating world, but at the same time I have learnt that it can be navigated and our courses, corrected. Let us all be shooting stars together !
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Wishing you the best of luck four your future endeavors!