Currently it's 3:00am EST.

My grandpop was taken to the hospital earlier technically yesterday at 11pm-ish. He's doing fine now thank god but it was a hell of a scare.

Today was a nightmare even without that. I was mocked and griped at for something that is no fault of mine. I broke down in tears as soon as I got to the safety of my car.

When I came out to my friends as trans, I had a vast majority support me. I never felt anything so uplifting. With their support I got therapy, change of appearance and a new name to be called until I was able to change it. Then as days and weeks went by, I gradually lost the people that supported me. The people still around me started caring less and less until now only barely a handful even bother to try to call me by my name.

I've lost friends, good friends, relationships, and I have to wonder, when will it end? I feel like every time I try to build myself up and repair my life, more fractures off.

I'm tired. I have precious few people left in my life that I couldn't bear to lose. I hate relying on others but at this point, without them, I can't even find a reason to go on.