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In A Bad Way by Threetails
I got the manuscript I wanted for this class. I'm going to be pursuing a dream of mine and studying 800 year old manuscripts.
I should be happy, you say. I suppose I should; I got what I wanted, didn't I?
In truth, I'm actually suffering some of the worst depression and anxiety I've had in over a year right now.
If graduation and my post-graduation road trip don't help, then I'm going to probably spend most of my gap year in in-patient care.
I'm so tired of seeing the future as a series of worsening catastrophes, or feeling like being an academic makes me a pointless anachronism. I can only live in such a bleak landscape for so long. I need hope, real hope, and not the kind that comes in an amber bottle from Rite-Aid.
In A Bad Way
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Being an academic makes you a person who asks the right questions about the way things are dealt with in the present time, while being fairly independent from the corporate structure. As such, the academia would want you to be shunned and kept in the university closet for the most of your career. Or, if you're charismatic enough, they'd want you to become a jester for science, like Einstein or Hawking.
But if you carefully play out your part in the great play, you can make a difference. Gather the knowledge, and make it shine in the right moment. Make a show, a ripple in the mainstream.
I'm not sure if the catastrophes you mentioned are on the personal or in the global scale.
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Global, as in the extinction of the honeybee, most of the fish in the oceans, and ultimately everything else on earth. In other words, highly plausible stuff.
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"Ha, you speak as though the world were a stranger to catastrophe."
(https://www.furaffinity.net/view/15611946)Even if those events are plausible within our lifetime (which I doubt), you can't be held responsible for them happening, so I suppose there's no need to be anxious about them.
O Lord, give me strength to change things I can change,
give me a heart to accept things I cannot change,
and give me wisdom to classify these two.
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Huskyteer
I do hope that graduation takes the pressure off and that the road trip is both relaxing and enjoyable. (If it's any help, in my experience when I've done things while depressed and not enjoyed them at the time, after a year or two I can't remember the feelings, just the amazing things I saw and did.)