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I am a waste of time by sixrabbits
So my dad, who does not believe in Depression, found out that I gave up on my certification because of other issues in my life and generally not feeling emotionally well.
Instead of asking what’s wrong, he just said “well I guess it was a waste of money sending you to college then.”
I was already having doubts about whether or not I could teach halfway through college, but I kept going because I knew this is what they would say to me if I quite halfway through. I thought things would change, but I was becoming depressed. I was medicated for most of my college experience. I didn’t even feel excited when I graduated, I was just glad it was over.
I made a decision that I am not in the right mental state to be guiding other people’s children. But as far far as my father and grandparents are concerned it’s all a monetary investment, and who I am as a human being doesn’t matter. My mental health doesn’t matter. Just so long as their investment pays off.
I am a waste of time
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My father has known I've been diagnosed with depression, but he believes that people just have to think it away.
I've actually been looking at 3 different full time jobs. It really knocked me down to be told I was a disappointment and a waste when I've been trying move forward.
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It's hard for people to understand sometimes.
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Yeah. Hyperbole and a Half hit the nail on the head when comparing it to having a bunch of dead fish, but no one acknowledges that they are dead, and instead treat it like they are just missing.
http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2013/05/depression-part-two.html-
I've been a fan of Allie Brosh since The Alot some time around '10. Her depression series is on the money.
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That is just god awful. I'm so sorry you have yo go through that. For what it's worth i dont think you are a waste of time nor do i think college was. You still gleaned information and you can still go back once you feel you are up for it.
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Thanks
I do know that I met people and had experiences that have shaped who I am, and I wouldn't trade that for the world.
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How horrible! YOU, not him, know what is and is not a waste.
And knowing if you can handle teaching is important. it'd be far worse to find out after you have started and thus have been all stressed.
I am so sorry you have to deal with relatives who have trouble understanding you.
I'm sure I speak for a LOT of people when I say: I don't think you are a waste.
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Thanks
I basically knew for a while that I was very burned out, and emotionally drained- to the point that I've been having severe downs. I'm definitely not in the right place to be teaching.
Well, I've looked at it several times, and I'm pretty well convinced that my grandmother might be a psychopath. She fits the traits perfectly.
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:( I hope one day your dad understands... it's terrible to have to face what he's saying to you. I agree with aleu, above: you can always go back if you decide to! Hang in there!
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Maybe, but I doubt it. I've always known him to reject the notion that chemistry controls the brain.
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I hope your dad figures shit out some day but you are NOT a waste of time. You bring people a lot of joy through your creativity and because of who and what you are. You are worth it. I know how much it sucks to have a parent like this. My adoptive aunt told me that I'm not living the life she wanted for me even though I have so many great people in my life. While it's not perfect that's ok because I'm where I need to be. You gotta keep on trucking and love yourself despite all that negativity because you're worth it.
You're not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to note me or add me on Skype. I'm Zidders Roofurry there. Please don't lose faith in yourself or hope.
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I don't know if someone who rejects how brain chemistry works will ever understand depression.
Sucky family members can be the biggest downers. Part of it being the fact that as a child I looked up to my dad, and all that... now I just see a stubborn ass who only listens to what suits him.Thanks.
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My aunt was a psychiatric nurse for 45 years. She was always very controlling but she was at her worst when I fell in love. She was terrified i'd be whisked away by some internet creep-despite the fact that I was 27 at the time. Years later when my partner and I realized that he was trans and I was pan we knew that at some point she'd have to know how things were. To my surprise despite us showing her all the psychiatric research and despite knowing how much pain and misery it caused my partner to be misgendered she refused to take it seriously.
It stretched an already wide rift to the breaking point and we moved away from RI and down to Texas. I hardly ever talk to her even though distance has made her regret some of the way she treated me. What's the point? She's not changed her mind about him and never will. I literally have nothing to talk about she would care about because my partners are my life.
Oh, well. What can you do? It sucks and it's a shame because they would be so much happier sharing in the joy we find in whatever good things about ourselves we've learned to appreciate. The dull ache will always be there but it doesn't have to define our lives. Sixrabbits you seem to me to be a pretty decent person. Please love yourself as much as you can. Please know you're worth it. At least I think you are-and hopefully as time passes you're able to see how much you are, too. I sincerely wish you all the best OK? And if you ever need someone to talk to my emails zidders@gmail.com or my skype is Zidders Roofurry.
Be kind to yourself, OK?
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Wow, that's pretty screwed up that someone who is a nurse could be so closed minded. I'm truly sorry you had to deal with that, but I'm also glad that you and your partner can still have a very happy life together.
I still have a massive ton of negative self-talk that I have to unlearn. It's difficult when you've been telling yourself "you're not a good person, You're annoying and stupid" for years, and having family reinforce is - I've been called "emotionally retarded" multiple times, and told that "artists can't be intellectual".
I'm trying... but I have one hell of a road ahead of he.Thanks for the kind words.
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Yeah I still do it, too. It's really hard but please give yourself chances. You seem like a really decent person. You're very much worth being kind to.
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I don't know which horrifies me more: his attitude or how COMMON it is. Nobody should have their mental health dismissed out of hand like that, much less by their own father. I'm so sorry.
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Yeah, sadly I have met a lot of people who have experienced this too.
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TristanAlexander
Sorry to hear that, sometimes parents say the wrong things but do actually care. Just try and not let this get you down even more. The best thing would be to ignore them, get yourself the help you need and get back on the track YOU want to be on!