Help me! I've got no soul to sell!

...Closer lyrics aside, I am /indeed/ in need of some help

With the whirlwind of events in my life lately, and the sudden realization that I never really got to form who I am, and who I am was largely tied to either my family/houselife (which is another story I can discuss in PM if anyone really /wants/ to know) or more than anything, my spirituality

For those who don't know yet, for the past year I have had no ties to the spirit realm
This used to be something I always had access to, and always was a huge part of
...But something happened. I've had many friends project into the spirit world to try and figure it out for me, and there are a few things that basically everyone has mentioned at some point in it
Ryuukin, my spirit or... mentor self or... whoever at this point, cut ties with me at the beginning of the year, making me unable to go to the spirit realm
The apparent reasoning for this is due to him being pissed off about who he was compared to who I am in this life
Idk, these are just things I was told
This caused him to keep himself locked away from everyone, as he slowly tried mutilating himself, and tearing apart all his strength
Course, the shadows wont let him end himself, so it was an odd purgatory
Until some angel of light, in his righteousness, nearly killed him
To which he fought off dying for a long while
But now, whenever someone tries to find him, they cannot
Whether this means he healed and moved on somewhere and I'm just not in contact anymore, idk
But many MANY of my spiritual friends have basically told me... well... that he's probably dead.

How would I still be around when my spirit dies? Good question. From much research and discussion the general consensus is that... well.. I'd just lose the connection to all those previous lives, and experiences, etc. It is as if my soul was born anew

mayhaps that is also where some of my new found identity issues are stemming from

Regardless, every time I try to draw Ryuukin now, or even color him/her in, I don't feel... /right/ about it
So I need a new sona, I guess, though I just can't settle on one
Nothing feels right
Nothing feels like... well..
Me

But what even is me anymore?
Between my spiritual connection being severed/dead and my desire to move out and college starting soon and such...
I'm sort of... lost.
I know a few things
A. I love my mate, more than anything in the world
B. I love animals, theyre my passion
C. I love my dear friends, well, dearly
D. I love nature
E. I still love werewolves and vampires and ghosts and the like... but not as much as I used to?
F. I still love love. And romance. And sweet things
G. I love DnD, Warhammer 40k (though my love of demons has even diminished. Theyre still my favorite army... but... the love died down a little through this year), and all sorts of nerdy things

Anyway I mean I guess the point is... I still love things. I still have who I am.. but its...
Very empty of a lot of things I used to be
And I gotta fill that up
And get a new sona
Or something
Any advice/ideas/help/anything?
Anyone out there?
Am I shouting into the void?