So it's been a bit.

I've been semi-active on the forums recently and figured I'd start being active here again. I just want to say that if I had worried anyone with my recent journal and attitude, I'm sorry. I was not in the best state of mind.

Things have been hairy in the spring. I've been fighting off depression demons and personal insecurities, all the while trying to better myself as a person by working harder, trying to be the best in school etc. During this time, my mom had some of her things stolen from her from her front yard. I'm not a very materialistic person but I still tried to sympathize with her. For Mother's Day, I attempted (and failed) to make a gift. It was a stepping stone. I've never made one before and so it was...well it was bad. I didn't do my best on it and overestimated my ability. My mom claimed to have liked it anyway so I just felt better.

Apparently she hated it and vented to her coworkers and family members about how selfish I am and that it was likely I got the thing for myself and only considered her as an afterthought. After her rant, I just broke. I was emotionally and mentally shattered with how much criticism she gave me. Then paranoia seeped in. I thought "is this all people really are? That I'm just so much of a fuck-up and everyone is just talking shit behind my back?"

I couldn't stop crying. I hated myself and everything about my life. If it weren't for someone I deeply cared about insisting that I speak to him, I honestly have no idea what I would have done.

Since then, I've just been rolling along, minding my own business until an opportunity came along. I was promoted to be the department head of Jewelry and Wearables. I think that may have been the best decision on my boss' part and my part to accept. The department was in shambles when I inherited it and now it's looking like it should. Things are in their proper place and ordered to how they should be. I think for years of feeling like I'm just some scrub part-timer really took its toll.

That isn't to say that I'm promoted and everything is sunshine and rainbows, but when my mentality starts to take a turn for the worse, I at least have some ammo to fight back. I can say to myself "look at what I accomplished" and it means something.

I didn't make my art goals for 2014, not even close. I'm disappointed but things happen. All I can do is just try again. In 2015, I'll be graduating with an Associates in Arts degree. Hopefully, I'll be writing again because I really enjoy it and I've grown to love my characters and I want to share them with everyone.