Today being November 20th is Transgender remembrance. A day of awareness and in memory to those in the Transgender community who have lost their lives due to bigotry and hatred aimed at them just for existing, being true to themselves. And being a transgender woman myself. It affects me deeply as hate crimes against Transgender people in many cases go unreported. While other crimes get a hight profile and noticed easily. I remember the day of remembrance by heart. It gets harder every year to see transgender people suffer and lose their lives which shows there is still work in need to be done in combating hatred and prejudice views that stems into these Transphobic hate crimes. For those who don't know what that means. It means fear and or hatred directed against Transgender people. Transgender people deserve the same respect and love and dignity we all get. Hate against LGBT people is wrong.. And should never be acceptable. No matter what your sexuality is.. gender identity is. Race.. ect.ect. I just feel I want to do my part in making Trans people like myself more visible.. Out there more in hopes it helps people understand us more and we're not the stereotypes like some might think. We are not attention seeking.. We are not being difficult or trendy. We are just asserting ourselves who we are and live in the gender/ body we identify as.

So I thought I'd take some time out and remember those who are not here with us today.
And I'd give you a insight what it's like to be me on a day to day basis for example.
Some people feel their bodies don't match their gender identity like in your mind. How you see yourself. Imagine you for example you were a girl. But suddenly woke up as a boy. But your mind is female. People make assumptions about you.. They say your a guy. But you tell them you're a girl. They laugh and send you your way. Some don't understand. People call you the names and pronouns of the gender you're not. You don't feel comfortable in your own skin. Body. It feels wrong to you. You look in the mirror seeing a stranger in the mirror. Your mind screams I'm a girl. Even when people still assume your a guy, it's crazy. It's impossible or weird. There's no way you can feel like a girl inside, how can someone feel born in the wrong body they say?. Waking up every single day feeling sad, depressed. Longing for a female body, suffering further as your body takes shape of a masculine body let's say you don't want.

You feel desperate.. Depression can get worse and worse. Unable to function..Feeling dead inside when people don't listen or don't care, understand. You feel trapped. Sometimes suicidal. Not wanting to go on living. Feeling like life is not worth living. It has happened. many of those who have gender dysphoria feel desperate enough to take their own lives.

That's what it's like for me on a day to day basis. Now you can see how it feels for me. I've had days considering ending it all. Not wanting to go on living.. Wanting to die.. End my suffering if I can't have the womanhood I long for all those years. Be in my own skin. Although they're days were I still do. It hurts so much. Even the fear of rejection coming out to those you love. Worried they might hate you for it. Gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things and can vary in many different ways. Gender is not black and white as we've been lead to believe our whole lives.

I hope you still enjoy my company. It's still me. I've always been a girl my whole life. Despite being born male. I've never felt male inside. Masculinity was never natural to me. I've always had feminine traits my whole life. It's always been there. And I still enjoy drawing the same beautiful busty curvy ladies and anthro stuff.

I hope this helps any and all have a insight in my point of view. And how much sadness, sorrow and suffering Transgender people go through on a day to day basis. Thank you for reading this.. And I apologise for getting all preachy there. I'm usually shy when making these big speeches. That's all for now.. Thank you for your time to any who read this.. I won't pressure you or anything and if you have any questions to ask. Feel free to do so and I'll try to educated those the best I can. It was very hard for me to write this. I'm kinda glad I did it. Get's a lot of my chest.

Much love
Melissa