Never give up...

I had made a promise
Of which I am keeping...

All I have asked of my friends is for their support
In some of the darkest times of my life.

But I am faced with scorn, hatred, deceipt, and lies.

Why do you scorn me for having hope?
For desiring the most true thing I've ever had in my life?

Can you not see that I have had enough?

I did something I DID NOT want to do, and have had to pay a very high price for it.
Drug 3000 miles from home, only to be thrown away.

Let me have my hope, that maybe the truth will be seen, and that my love will be returned to me.

I did some very stupid and insensitive things.
I acted out, and had a temper tantrum like a spoiled 2 year old.
It was uncalled for, unwarranted, and stupid.
I still apologize for it, but I fear my apologies fall on deaf ears.

Why did I act out?
Even I will say it was stupid, immature, and selfish. But even I do not know the full reason.
I do know that it did seem like I had lost ALL of his attention - while we were still together.

I know now that I never really lost the attention.
It became more subtle.
And even now.. I still have some of it.

So many of you now scorn me for having hope that he may come back.
Maybe not a continuation of what we had, but a start of something new between us.
You scorn me for missing him, and for loving him.

You even scorn him for me having this hope.
You cause drama in his life, and try to manipulate him, for what??
So you can completely control him for your own personal (and selfish) gain?
And yet, you let the blame for the drama you cause fall on me.

I do not want this drama, nor the scorn.

It hurts enough to have caused this loss myself.

I'm all alone...
My mother is dead...
and yet you all still scorn me..
why?

I just want your love and support.
I don't want the drama or the scorn.

Let me have my hope. For my love for him is stronger today than it has ever been.

Understand the mistakes of my past are just that... the past.
They are being learned from, and I am becoming a better person.
I have sworn to never repeat those mistakes again.
Have sworn to grow and to learn.

He is not just some trophy...
He is a wonderful, caring, and compassionate individual.
He has been, and may always be, the world to me.
Even though he can be hard to understand at times.

I am never giving up.

Learn to forgive and to love me again.

That is all that I ask.

http://www.pliner.net/appmb2/4c4122/1223365/